To think you cant say yes to a birthday party then not show up

[Birthdaysmurf]

i am throwing a birthday party for my daughter. I invited my nieces their mum agreed for them to come. I included them in the numbers and paid for their spaces at the party.
i’ve been banging on anout the party, reminded her the day before the party. The day of the party no answer from her, she text me when the party was finished to say she had completely forgotten.

I am really mad, why agree, i reminded her the day before.

Time to cut her out. No invites, no favours, no childcare.

Rightly so!

If your DD receives an invite for their party though, what what you do?!

Oh wow. That is so fucking rude.

I would be fuming.

There is no excuse if you reminded her the day before. She had the opportunity to say then that they couldn't make it then. Or even to let you know on the morning of the party.

Do you normally get on well with her?
Have you said anything to her about it?

I'm angry for you!

How do you know she didn’t forget? You can’t know that.

people forget things. I do it quite often due to executive dysfunction. I don’t ever do it on purpose, I’m just chaotic and forget!

So fucking rude.

Someone texted me after my sons (expensive per head) party finished that they didn't make it in the end as their son had thrown a tantrum that morning so they said 'no party' as punishment.

I thought, fucking hell, discipline your child on your own dime. Not mine.

Never sent a present or a card either. If I missed a party I intended to attend I would drop off the gift later.

So rude. Won't be invited to the next one.

So rude to ignore your calls and just not show up. Not fair on your nieces either as people are going to stop inviting them to parties if their parents have form for this.

Reading this it sounds like you were being pushy and they didn't want to go in the first place especially when you said you were "banging on" about the party. Did you allow no for an answer? Are your daughters actually friends? You say she "agreed" although she did agree and she shouldn't have done this, were you pushing the point until she agreed to come? Perhaps you were rabbiting on about it so relentlessly she felt awkward or anxious. It's not a massive issue in the grand scheme of things and your daughter's birthday is not the event of the year, people have other things going on.

she asked me to babysit her children that day. Inevitably they would be at the party. I didnt push she did. Then presumably she didnt need a babysitter anymore she decided not to bother

We moan about this all the time in my class whatsapp. Its really odd, just don't RSVP surely. I felt awful when we had to cancel on the day of a party once so I can't imagine just not turning up she clearly had no intention to come

Because it’s really very hard to believe that an adult who can function in society would have such severe problems with executive function that they could forget about a child’s birthday party - that another adult has already paid for - when reminded the day before. And until after the party has finished (they’re typically 2 hours long). When the child in question is a relative no less.

It’s also not entirely plausible that an adult with those kinds of problems wouldn’t have learnt to put in place some form of coping mechanisms. Phone calendars, paper calendars, noticeboards.

I’ve got ADHD so I get it but hell will freeze over before I/my children RSVP yes and don’t show to another child’s birthday party (in the absence of illness/injury/disaster). I’m not saying I’m perfect, I’ve bought many a last minute present, been unable to find wrapping paper, scissors, and sellotape, forgotten to buy cards - but forgetting to attend altogether should be a ‘Never Event’ as they say in the NHS.

And yet I bet you get to work on time and remember your own family’s birthdays etc.

My daughter had a birthday recently and she could only invite 6 friends as it was £30 per child. Reminded everyone on the group chat a few days before with details of time, location, etc and said looking forward to seeing you all this weekend and I know the message was read by everyone. One just didn't turn up. I admit I did a bit of a passive aggressive message after the party to say thanks to everyone for coming and sorry xxx couldn't make it. She messaged to say she thought it was next weekend and xxx will be so upset she's missed it. So rude and a shame for my daughter when she could only invite a few.

She didn't forget. She didn't want to go.
She shouldn't have said yes.

Yep, people are rude!!!

People can do what ever they like. Sorry your dd does not trump other people's life's.

What are you in about? No one is saying DD's OP trumps other peoples lives but they should just say no to the invitation.

No one has to attend but it's not good to say yes and then not turn up.

There's no excuse, it's rude. Whatever the reason, an apology is the least you can expect.

6yo dd couldn't attend a party recently because on the morning of the party she was unable to get dressed due to extreme anxiety. As soon as it became apparent we weren't going to get there, I messaged the parent to explain. I was gutted, dd was gutted, the parent was very understanding. The following day I dropped the present and card off at school. If you know how upset your own child gets when someone doesn't make it, you just put yourself in their shoes and behave accordingly.

And therein lies the issue.

Common courtesy is disregarded by so many.

Doesn't matter that the host is left out of pocket, it seems. It appears to some rudeness is acceptable.

7/10 people bailed? That’s shit. It’s a little girl’s party. I know things come up but come on.

It’s especially shit from the niece’s mother as you purposely reminded her.

I once completely forgot a party my daughter was attending. I was absolutely mortified as soon as I realised and rang the Mum to profusely apologise. We dropped round the present the next day and I’d added a sorry card to the Mum with cash inside to cover the cost they had paid for my daughters place. I still feel guilty about it every time a plan a birthday party!

No, I think you should RSVP either way. Some of the people who don’t bother to RSVP will still turn up, so you can’t assume they’re not coming.

DD’s party venue wanted total numbers of adults and children and a list of the children’s names, two weeks before the party. Not easy when so many parents are flakes!

That would really piss me off. I would text her to say I was unimpressed.

I had this, they RSVP-ed yes and the kids have complex dietary requirements which I'd catered for then they just didn't show up. No explanation, nothing. It's incredibly rude.

Some people are just rude. We've had people not rsvp, turn up with siblings to a soft play party, then disappear off leaving them all with us. I was speechless. Also had people rspv saying they were coming and then not turn up with no explanation.

If I genuinely forgot I would be mortified and insist on covering the cost of the wasted party places.

Unbelievably rude.

Yet some people are just that way apparently.

You need never invite her again.

Very simple.

I must admit, with 4 children and many many parties over the years, this never happened even once.

People who RSVP'd always came.

I would have heard if it was an issue from other parents.

Any parent I dealt with was always delighted with the invites, because our children all loved invites, even if we didn't always find them convenient

I wonder are some people just getting flakier?