DH is from Central Europe, as is his sister who lives near us (in northern England). They moved over together 22 years ago (with their parents who have since gone back, 12 years ago) and both have married British people and live/work here full time. Every year or so they drive back together, I’ve been with DH 7 years and sometimes go with them, sometimes don’t. The don’t fly. It’s not for financial reasons, with Ryanair they could fly there in a few hours for less than £100 return if booked smartly, but they have their reasons. Their parents used to drive back from the UK to their home country a lot when they were children, at least once a year and I suppose idea of flying isn’t as exciting. SIL and her husband have no children so if she likes it, then so be it as it is easy and enjoyable for her. The journey is a whole getaway in itself for them. They have a cousin in the country the pass through before getting to their home country, and they always go there to stay for a 2 nights to break up the journey. I previously had no issue with it and even enjoyed coming with them, but we have since had a baby (7 months old). They went last Summer and drove and I didn’t want to be home alone pregnant nor did I want the journey whilst pregnant so the compromise was that DH and his sister drove (in her car), and I flew out there once they arrived to be picked up from the airport, and then me and DH flew home a week later.
DH and his sister have now come up with a date to go again, and DS will be 11 months old. I want to go, I like my in-laws and can’t wait for them to meet DS, so it’s not a matter of me not wanting to go, but god, the thought of the drive with an 11-month old makes me feels physically sick. I suggested we do the same thing this year, DH can drive with his sister, and me and DS will fly to meet them once they get there, then me and DH will fly back together. DH is not happy with this as he is close to his cousins, has already got plans for the night staying over with them (him, his cousin, sister and her DH will go out drinking in the local town as usual, I usually join but will have DS this time, on the 2 evenings leaving me with the cousin’s wife both looking after our respective children, she’s nice enough but doesn’t speak much English so it will be slightly awkward), and they have young kids and he wants them all to meet DS. Then we’ll carry on across the border to DH’s parents where we’ll spend a week. We haven’t argued about it but I can tell he is upset. He insists DS needs to meet his cousin, who DH and his sister are close with. DH has said either I don’t come (no way am I being separated from my 11-month old for so long, and I do actually want to see my in-laws and be present for them meeting my baby) or he drives with DS and I go and meet them once there (again, still don’t want to be separated from DS even for the shorter period of time).
AIBU? I think the drive with baby will be a nightmare and I’ll be the one doing all the childcare whilst DH and SIL go off on their jollies. I’ve tried to explain to DH that things have changed now we have a child and that we should go for convenience (hence flying) but he won’t have it. He’s even got SIL to message me trying to get me to change my mind, saying that she’ll help with childcare too. But once DH, SIL and cousin are together they just like to drink, it’s their thing. SIL, her DH and my DH will split the driving, and she’s hardly going to want to be the one taking DS into service stations for nappy changes and feeds (nor would I expect her too, he’s not her child) so whilst its nice of her to offer to assist with childcare so that I agree to come, I don’t think she’s considered the reality of it.