To feel uncomfortable when non-family members fuss over baby?

[babypanther]

Does anyone else feel uncomfortable when people outside their family want to kiss/cuddle their baby? I am obviously perfectly happy letting grandparents, aunts and uncles hold my baby and cuddle her etc as long (as she seems content and isn’t crying). But my MIL’s partner is constantly all over my baby, if she’s sleeping he will pick her up and wake her up, even if I’m holding her he will come over and get up close to her and start trying to play with her or kissing her whilst she’s in my arms. Once she had just fallen asleep in her Moses basket after we’d been trying to settle her for a while, he picked her up and started bouncing her to wake her up - when I said I’d just got her down for a nap he said “if you keep her awake now she’ll sleep better at night”. He is a nice guy but something about it just doesn’t sit right with me. My MIL doesn’t seem to notice it and I think she’s the only person he would listen to.

I don’t know how to bring it up to my partner or MIL, without causing a scene or upsetting my MIL, as he isn’t technically doing anything wrong, it just makes me uneasy, I can’t explain it. Am I being overprotective or is it a maternal instinct?

Apart from the waking the baby up thing, he just sounds like a guy who loves babies. But of course that had to be suss because he's a man, right?

Be firm about him not disturbing her when she's sleeping, but otherwise, YABU.

This. Waking her up would be out of order regardless of whether you share DNA.

How long have he and your MIL been together? You seem to regard him as not a 'proper' partner.

Surely the problem is that he's being a pain, picking up a sleeping baby and crossing boundaries. You just sound petty calling him not a 'proper' relative, but you are totally reasonable being annoyed with his behaviour itself.

OP your baby needs you to advocate for her. No way on earth I let anyone wake my sleeping baby. And saying she'd sleep better at night? Fuck that, complete opposite is true for my baby. How dare anyone who is not the parent try to tell you crap like this. I feel so annoyed for you!
I don't think it matters whether he's blood related or not, he's overstepping and you can put your big girl pants on and get him to back off. Just keep repeating yourself, literally say please don't wake her, she needs to sleep. Repeat exact same words as many times as it takes no matter what his response. It works!

You’re being very weird about the family thing. Why would this be ok if it was a grandparent? Nobody should be disturbing a sleeping baby. Deal with that issue. The fact that you’re making it less about that and more about the family ties is a “you” problem.

I don't know which way to vote as you are being completely unreasonable in drawing some sort of a line between allowing all sorts of people you consider to be related to you to hold and play with your baby but saying no-one who isn't related can.

OTOH, the way this one individual wakes a sleeping baby, is really unhelpful and I would totally be firm about intervening if he tried to do that with any of my dc. But that would be the case if he were my Dad / brother / Grandfather or not related to me in any way. If has nothing to do with what the relationship is and everything to do with the behaviour.