To not invite him back?

[itaintgoingdowneasyifitaintcheesy]

My 7yr old went in a play date at his friends house. I don't know the parents massively well but say hello on playground.
When I went to collect I went in and they have a big breed dog puppy who was jumping up and bouncing and nipping- all the things puppies do, but there was just no control over it and it was just too much.
It's really put me off letting him go there again, I'm a dog lover, we have one, but a big string dog jumping all over near little kids made me feel really uncomfortable.
I've not returned the offer of a play date yet as I fear that he will be invited back there again and the dog has made me quite nervous.
Aibu?

Why is this even an issue?

I fear that he will be invited back there again

Are you always this dramatic?

Speak to the parents or don't let your son go back...

It's your child, do what you want.
Personally I can't stand dogs so have made friendship choices around that to no detriment.

Lol. It's an issue because the newspapers are full of dogs mauling children. But equally I try not to meddle too much with who my kids want to be friends with. So I thought I'd use an advice forum for some advice.
(You dick)

You can have the friend over to your house though. Just not let your ds over to theirs

Yeah don’t let him go there again. I definitely wouldn’t.

You can have their child over to yours?

How do you decline a play invite though? It's awkward isn't it? The kids do that thing where they ask you loudly in the playground.

When we had a big ddog she was always locked away if any dc came over. Personally I didn't want her open to abuse more than accusations!
Just ask the dps if the ddog is out the way. Don't think it's cheeky to ask! They may not have even considered it an issue but no harm saying it is...

I don't think they see beyond it being a puppy. My son said their son got upset because it knocked his food out of his hand and it was just free jumping all around the house in not the biggest of space. I'm such a dog lover that I'm a bit surprised how bothered I am.

I’d invite the boy back for a play date if DS wants one.

If they invite DS again, I’d just be honest and say you’re nervous of their dog but happy to take the boys to the park.

Invite the child to yours and decline future invites to theirs. You could just say your ds was bothered by the puppy so maybe in the future when puppy has had more training.

Just host the playdates at your place for now on. Be honest about the reason. Not a big deal.

I agree it's fine not to let him go there again. But I absolutely don't think the way to deal with that is not to invite the kid to your house, especially if your DC want to play with and maintain a friendship with this boy.

One option is to invite the boy once so you are "even" (they hosted once, you hosted once) and then just politely decline future play dates.

But frankly the better option would be to say, if they invite him again "DC is a bit nervous about your dog, so we'd prefer to do play dates here / meet at the playground / whatever" and facilitate the friendship away from their house.

This. No need for drama.

It's good form to reciprocate a playdate anyway, regardless of the dog situation.

Id reciprocate and be honest that i dont want my child near dogs like thst. One of my kids is terrified of dogs and i tell people clearly.

I would invite the boy to yours, and then be honest.
”X loves playing with your Ds, but I have a big fear of small kids with big young dogs. Please don’t take it personally. Very happy to have your Ds at ours”

I disagree with other PPs

Better to not reciprocate the play date and let this friendship cool and big go into reciprocal play dates, than to have to explain about big dog around your child or any child.

You don't know them well and people can get so precious about their animals, as if you'd criticised their 'child' (dog) or 'parenting '

If they don't get it, they are unlikely to react how other PPs think they will

I can see why it's simpler to let yourself be thought of as vaguely or slightly rude than to tell them your child can't come round again to theirs as you feel they don't have control of their DDog. If they take anything you say the wrong way, it could get a horrible backlash that's far worse
("Xs mum criticised my parenting.."
"X's mum hates our dog but he wouldn't harm a fly.." etc)

My DS is autistic and terrified of dogs. His best friend through primary school had a bouncy dog. I told his mum ‘he’d like to come and play but he’s a bit scared of the dog’.
She just used to keep the dog in the kitchen while DS was there. It would also have been open to her to say - ok, no worries, and accept play dates would be at my house.

Just say your DC is a bit freaked out by their large dog as he's not used to how friendly and boisterous he is, as children do sometimes get but he loves playing with their DC so could you do future play dates at yours. If I was the other mum in that scenario I'd say you crack on 🤣😂

This is exactly how we have handled things too. My children will never go to anyone's home if there is a dog. It's not a risk I'm willing to take. Whatever the breed. It's also easier to blanket ban visits to dog homes. My children pick friends accordingly. It's never been an issue.

I do not trust other people with dogs to keep my child safe. Nor do I trust their hygiene standards.

We had a big bouncy puppy and some of DSs friends were very very scared of all dogs (partly cultural I think). We managed the situation by keeping the dog away and doing gradual introductions until all but 1 of the friends loved Ddog.
It’s completely possible to do BUT if you don’t trust this family to do so then it will have to be play dates at yours or the park or similar. Bouncy puppies grow up and as long as this family train it properly it won’t be an issue for long
There is no reason at all for you not to invite the boy to your house

I don't like dogs and have never owned a dog but even I think you're being precious.

And the comments about hygiene standards. How snobbish and judgmental. Unfortunately there are lots of people out there who don't let their kids be friends with anyone who are not "our kind of people".

In reality that means poor people, people who live in council houses, single mums and people with SEN kids.

Just mention that you are a bit nervous about the dog next time as your DS said it was jumpy and have an actual conversation about it with the parents rather than controlling friendships.

Speak to your son calmly and in plain language that he is NEVER to ask for a playdate in front of anybody else.

Only when you are on your own.

This is parenting 101!

Make it clear to him.

Remind him a few times.

Be ready with "let me get back to you on that" with any request directly from a child.

I like dogs too but would be very uncomfortable in that situation too.

You have a couple of choices.

Ignore any further playdates.

Have the child at yours once and if invited back, then tell them you are uncomfortable with the dog around your child so it's best he doesn't go.

Then its up to them to say the dog will be put away.
If they don't, its solved.

These are difficult moments in parenting.
Be polite but firm.

An uncontrolled, untrained puppy will only grow to be bigger.

Better to bite the bullet now IMO.

So some people actually deny their dc friends of their choosing because they have a ddog? Bonkers..

Invite him to play at yours.

When she offers again just say you are really scared of figs so would rather he came to you. Job done