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AIBU?

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Original poster

Son didn't go to school for three days.

205 replies

Spopssas · 30/03/2023 21:31

School rang me on Monday, saying did I know that he hadn't attended that day, and was absent for three days last week.

No I didn't.

OP posts:
EmmaDilemma5 · 31/03/2023 16:05

OP - the school DID notice. They called you and informed you.

He's your child and getting him to school is your responsibility. What do you want them to do? Collect him?

You need to talk to your son and come up with a plan. You need to monitor him.

You're misplacing your concern, from your son to his school. This one's for you to sort, which I appreciate may be easier said than done if he's deceiving you.

itsgettingweird · 31/03/2023 16:05

PuppyMonkey · 31/03/2023 12:30

Crikey, the people berating the OP for not magically knowing her child hadn’t turned up at school are seriously embarrassing.Confused

Agree.

But at least they're embarrassing themselves Grin

BonnieMummy · 31/03/2023 16:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 16:38

shutthewindownow · 31/03/2023 06:46

Get the life 360 app. That way you can check if he is at school. Parents are responsible for kids not schools.

Show quote history

Schools have a duty of care and responsibility so you are wrong

Dominoeffecter · 31/03/2023 16:40

LimeCheesecake · 31/03/2023 07:18

I previously worked on a school reception for a while, and was working on the day the automated system for attendance went wrong and sent lots of “your child isn’t in school” text messages out to parents of children who were in the building.

the phone basically exploded with stressed out parents and we had to have SLT members running round to look in classrooms to confirm children were in school. What was surprising was that over 200 parents whose child was in school got a message saying they hadn’t turned up. We didn’t get anywhere near like 200 parents calling to find out what was going on. (I am very glad I don’t do that job anymore)

That happened with us too! Total nightmare and we even had parents turning up at the school

donttellmehesalive · 31/03/2023 16:51

How did it go today op, did they have an explanation?

NancyJoan · 31/03/2023 16:53

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Umm, yes. It’s why I said:

NancyJoan · Today 07:04
If they know he missed four days, they took a register and knew he was missing. The next step, on the first morning, should have been calling you.

I suggest you read more carefully before jumping down the throat of the wrong poster.

Flounder2022 · 31/03/2023 17:03

Dreamer20 · 30/03/2023 21:36

Well rather than directing your annoyance at the school, maybe take it up with your delinquent son!

Jesus!

Winter41 · 31/03/2023 17:57

My school have an attendance team who call home every day for every absent pupil that we have not had a parental message from. I think this is standard practice. This is a very very big safeguarding failure by the school.

BonnieMummy · 31/03/2023 18:03

@NancyJoan sorry I completely tagged the wrong poster 🤦🏼‍♀️ I meant to tag the post above yours. I’ll ask for my post to be removed.

Sugarfree23 · 31/03/2023 18:06

@Winter41 How would they know if a child had phoned in or sent a text pretending to be mum or dad?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 31/03/2023 18:25

Id check with the form tutor first, they did this with ds2 and it was a technical issue on their side. 🤨

Hunter2501 · 31/03/2023 18:32

very typical of “parents” these days. Your kid has truanted school, but instead of correcting that behaviour your finding fault with the school.
Ridiculous - work with the school, not against them

Easterfunbun · 31/03/2023 18:39

@Hunter2501

Nar, I’m all for working with schools, I’m a teacher but they need to be letting parents know in the first instance of a no show. It’s basic safeguarding. The school I work in is on the ball and so is my kids school. My DD walks a quiet route to school opposite a field where last month a severe sexual assault took place. I NEED to know if she arrives at school, not three days later.

Needmorelego · 31/03/2023 18:44

@Hunter2501 I don't think that's what the OP is doing. She just wants to know why she wasn't informed when he didn't turn up.
Teens are at school 6/7 hours a day. A teen could jump on a train and be at the other end of the country within that time - and never seen by their family again.
A child/teen reported as not turned up at school by 9.30am could be found quickly. A child that no one realises is missing until 4.30pm might be lost forever.
It's ironic as a typical Mumsnet response about how if child has to travel quite far to get to school it's "Buy them a bike and they can cycle in".
So a teen accidentally knocked off their 'Mumsnet Approved' transport method could spend hours bleeding to death in a ditch because no one bothered to report they hadn't arrived at school.

Daisybee6 · 31/03/2023 18:50

amaretti1999 · 30/03/2023 22:11

If a child didn't arrive at our school we would text and then follow up with phone calls to all numbers we hold.
I'm surprised it took them 4 days to reach you.
If something bad happens to a child on the way to school and school don't alert the parent to the child's absence, nobody would be looking for that child until they didn't arrive home from school.

Exactly! Why on earth are pople blaming op

nymum · 31/03/2023 18:53

I honestly can’t believe all of the posts saying OP should have known and it’s not the school’s fault. Ridiculous. It is the school’s responsibility to inform a guardian if a child is not at school and ask why. The school keeps track of unauthorised absences for a number of reasons, including safeguarding. I forgot to inform my DD 16’s school of her absence recently and I had an email, text and phone call within the first hour. I was at work (in a school) and didn’t look at my phone and DH was also contacted when they didn’t reach me. That’s been my experience with all of my DC and at the schools I’ve worked in.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 31/03/2023 18:59

Sugarfree23 · 31/03/2023 18:06

@Winter41 How would they know if a child had phoned in or sent a text pretending to be mum or dad?

I can only speak for my children's secondary where the parent has to leave a voice message on the attendance phone line. I'm guessing they can tell if the child pretends to be the parent.

Do any schools allow texting? That would be a safeguarding issue and ripe for abuse imo

Sugarfree23 · 31/03/2023 19:10

Mine make you phone and talk to the answer phone.
I doubt the person listening to the voice mails will be able to be certain that the person on the other end of the line is who they say they are.

It might seem that I'm defending the school but I just don't believe a child didn't turn up for 3 days without the school raising concerns.

I'm convinced he's called in pretending to be sick or the school have called the house phone and he's said he was off ill.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 31/03/2023 19:18

Sugarfree23 · 31/03/2023 19:10

Mine make you phone and talk to the answer phone.
I doubt the person listening to the voice mails will be able to be certain that the person on the other end of the line is who they say they are.

It might seem that I'm defending the school but I just don't believe a child didn't turn up for 3 days without the school raising concerns.

I'm convinced he's called in pretending to be sick or the school have called the house phone and he's said he was off ill.

Maybe im misunderstanding but isnt the issue here that the school knew that the son was absent without any explanation, no one has been pretending anything have they?

Solonge · 31/03/2023 19:23

Clearly a lot of mums on this thread dont have full time jobs and teenage kids! If you leave for work at 8.15 and are home at 6….and your child acts normally and the school dont let you know they are absent….do tell how this mum is supposed to find out? Honestly, so many smart arse comments about ‘you should know’…. If you make that comment tell us all how many hours you work!

Sandwidged · 31/03/2023 19:25

This is a safeguarding fail on the part of the school. It’s not acceptable they didn’t notice or check in with you on day 1.

cansu · 31/03/2023 19:27

so what consequence will he be having for braking your trust and truanting for three days?

I am guessing none. You have decided to focus on the school rather than on your child lying and truanting. You are right the school should have called. However, it is on you to make sure he goes to school. You know now that he cannot be trusted.

BasketFlowers · 31/03/2023 19:28

Dreamer20 · 30/03/2023 21:36

Well rather than directing your annoyance at the school, maybe take it up with your delinquent son!

Really?!

The school should have called on day 1 of absence - the school is at fault for not contacting the parents straight away.

cansu · 31/03/2023 19:28

breaking

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