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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you please tell me how to tell a colleague not to talk to me unless it's about work but in a more polite manner?

26 replies

RepublicOfNarnia · 30/03/2023 12:59

I really need a more eloquent way of pretty much saying the above without coming across as rude.

Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks

OP posts:
wonderingdaily · 30/03/2023 13:04

Sorry X, im just so swamped with work and i really suffer with being distracted easily, can you do me a favour and just not chat to me as my work will suffer.

Ktime · 30/03/2023 13:26

Could you wear headphones and do the weird 'I'm on the phone' grimace whilst pointing to said headphones, when he accosts you?

IncompleteSenten · 30/03/2023 13:27

Let's chat during lunch, I'm really swamped here?

redskylight · 30/03/2023 13:28

Just say "sorry, I'm busy". Or frankly, just ignore him and "look" busy.

If he's not getting the message you may have to resort to something more blunt.

Original poster
RepublicOfNarnia · 30/03/2023 13:37

Thank you! I think I need to make more of an effort to look busy and as though I'm in the middle of something because I just feel so very close to losing it with him.

OP posts:
2bazookas · 30/03/2023 13:46

"I can't talk now"

How hard is that?

Anonplease2023 · 30/03/2023 13:56

Don't talk to me unless it's about work.

That will probably be the best option

Yayasisterhood · 30/03/2023 13:57

”it’s lovely to chat but I don’t have time at the moment so unless it’s about work can we save it until X”

happysingleversary · 30/03/2023 14:08

I have to get on with my work now. Speak later.

Antiquiteas · 30/03/2023 15:10

“Sorry, I’m just in the middle of something.”

Over and over until he learns. Is he bored? Underworked? Irritatingly chatty? Entitled male who feels entitled to female attention?

hotdiggetydog · 30/03/2023 15:12

Op hasn't said it was a man but loads of replies assume 👏👏

Antiquiteas · 30/03/2023 15:15

hotdiggetydog · 30/03/2023 15:12

Op hasn't said it was a man but loads of replies assume 👏👏

She did.

Thank you! I think I need to make more of an effort to look busy and as though I'm in the middle of something because I just feel so very close to losing it with him.

QueenLagertha · 30/03/2023 15:23

I have the exact same problem OP. I wear headphones. She still tries to talk to me. I ignore her. At one stage last week I had to say "please don't talk to me I'm trying to do this". She stopped for an hour and then tried again 🤦🏼‍♀️ I'm just going to lose it some day very soon

hotdiggetydog · 30/03/2023 15:32

Antiquiteas · 30/03/2023 15:15

She did.

Thank you! I think I need to make more of an effort to look busy and as though I'm in the middle of something because I just feel so very close to losing it with him.

Show quote history

Only after a load of replies assumed. Look at the time stamps.

ReluctantFishLady · 30/03/2023 15:34

I'd say something like "Sorry, I'm going to have to go quiet for a bit while I concentrate on this. I really need to get it done with no distractions now. Will chat when I'm done".

MajesticWhine · 30/03/2023 15:38

Reminds me of this

Ilovelurchers · 30/03/2023 15:41

Do you mean, you never want him to talk to you unless it's about work, or just in this one particular instance?

If the latter, it is fine to say, I'm just struggling to concentrate right now, sorry but please don't talk to me, not being rude......

If you mean never, then that's impossible to do without causing offence - you can close conversations down and discourage, but not just come out and say it.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 30/03/2023 15:42

I had a falling out with a manager once. My boss remarked that we had a business relationship. In other words, just keep it to work related things in future. OK, good thanks.

So, you could say to this person:

You and I have a business relationship. That means that we can discuss work related matters as and when necessary and nothing else. No distractions, please.

Original poster
RepublicOfNarnia · 30/03/2023 18:21

@Antiquiteas Yup, irritatingly chatty, likes to tell stories and talk incessantly about not very much. I had been trying to just humour him along but I honestly get lost and being ND means I just shut down in instances like this.

OP posts:
gettingolderandgrumpier · 30/03/2023 18:57

One word answers help as soon get the message you want to me left alone.
A colleague of mine as lovely as she is I feel like I’m being interviewed some days it’s question after question. Have you ever been to york , have you been to such and such bar , have you ever tried .. ? I just answer yes/no and carry on as I think she does it as a conversation starter but I’m just not a chatty person and just want to get on with my job not chat about a bar I’ve never heard of .

BluetheBear · 30/03/2023 19:00

OP I had this recently. I may have even posted about it on MN. New colleague sitting close to me talked a lot about work and anything else. Didn't seem to get the hint when I said I'm really busy. I had to move to sit somewhere else. Is this an option for you?

BluetheBear · 30/03/2023 19:01

I also explained to him that I can't be bothered all day long with work queries as I need to be able to concentrate on a task but if he wants to chat then to let me know and we can arrange a time. I am quite senior to him though.

Original poster
RepublicOfNarnia · 30/03/2023 19:13

@BluetheBear Unfortunately I can't move elsewhere. I find it so irrationally stressful tbh but I realise there are bigger things to stress about.

OP posts:
BluetheBear · 30/03/2023 19:59

@RepublicOfNarnia I get it. I was uncharacteristically stressed by it and I couldn't put my finder on why. I realised it made me uncomfortable and on edge.

BMW6 · 30/03/2023 20:03

"Look, I'm really really busy and you're chattering is distracting me from my work. Please leave me in peace to concentrate."

If he continues - "Will you please shut up so I can get my work done"

Beyond that speak to his manager and complain