AIBU to be so personally invested in my workplace's PR

[coffeeloverrr85]

I just can't help the all consuming feelings about this work stuff

I work for a small independent charity, as head of fundraising. I have been head for three years, and I worked in a different charity in a non fundraising role for four years. Before this my job was 2/10 on the intensity scale. This job I would give a 10/10 on the intensity scale.

My problem is, that I take my fundraising personally. On occasions when my charity is not awarded funding, I can't help but take in personally. It keeps me up at night.

To give you an example- a year ago I was instrumental in acquiring significant funding for our charity, from a certain donor. It was a great coup. My bosses were happy. However, the PR event that was scheduled was cancelled due to COVID-19. It was cancelled by the donor. I suggest a virtual press conference of sorts, which they didn't seem excited about so I let it go. This was supposed to result in significant PR for us. I was very upset it didn't happen. I took it personally.

A couple of weeks later the donor awarded another charity a significant amount, and they held a virtual press conference (by virtual I mean people were on their zoom screens). It matter because they had some PR to then spread.

Anyways, this happened over a year ago and I still feel very very very upset about it. It feels personal. I don't know if it is my competitive nature or something else, but it still bothers me. I didn't get the press conference.

So recently I've had another issue that has triggered me. Bear in mind, I'm still not over the press conference that didn't happen. The same major donor recently was @mentioned in a tweet we tweeted as an acknowledgment for support and funding. They didn't acknowledge the tweet, as in they didn't 'like' or 'retweet' it. Which I managed to let it go.

Today, I saw another charity tweet the same time of acknowledgement to this donor, and the donor 'liked' the tweet.

My friends tell me this is crazy. | genuinely don't see it. Even after typing it out, it seems logically for me to be upset.

AIBU to be upset?

I can understand your perspectives op, there seems more to this unless it's certain individuals that's not as invested as would hoped they would be.

OP, is it all about this one donor? You have said yourself that you're expecting more funding from them soon. You've done your job successfully, you're a fundraiser and you've raised funds. Leave the social media stuff to the people who deal with social media.
It sounds like you have low self-esteem and taking this far too personally and making it all about yourself rather than the charity you work for.

Not really. I am more quiet and reserved now as an adult than I was as a child

I think unless it was a contentious tweet sharing it and notifying them before, then also tagging them feels like overkill, like almost harassing. (Ex third sector).

There are lots of reasons someone might not engage in PR over a donation. It might simply be an oversight or it could be a strategic decision to promote their donation to a certain cause and not your cause. They might be keen to support financially but not want to promote this for whatever reason (perhaps your cause is unpopular with their clients, for example). Focus your PR energy on donors willing to participate - the time you’re spending mulling over this loss is time you’re not spending cultivating warmer PR leads.

Could you have pissed off the donor in some way?

I doubt it. I do know that success hinges in a major way on personal, face to face interaction. If you're a woman trying to attract funding from a man, attractiveness and a certain amount of flirting is also key. Find ways to scale up your presence in-person, regular coffees, regular attendance at events, regular linked-in posts. Don't hide behind a screen.

I work in the charity sector so I sort of understand, especially with donors who give large amounts. The relationship matters so much to you and so you over-analyse and read too much into interactions. As long as you are doing your job well and provide great stewardship you have to let it go.

A wise person once told me that you may see them as one of your major donors but you’re lucky if they think of you even as just one of their charities.

I work at a senior level in the charity sector I recognise what you’re describing from people I’ve worked with and managed.

Does your organisation have an EAP? Is there someone you can talk to? And how’s the rest of your life (outside of work) going? As this level of investment is unhealthy.