How do you get past being called a nag/ whinging from by your other half ?

[nanneo]

We are at loggerheads. We can't have a normal conversation anymore.

I'm always being called a nag. This evening, my three year old repeated it. ' stop whingeing ' she said.

Why ? Because she heard her dad shout this at me.

Why ? Because he came home early to help out with the kids, but again - I got them both ready for bed- cleaned up after dinner and tidied up, while he held the baby for a bit and then chilled and watched TV. I had tidied some of the toys away and left a couple of dishes in the sink and said, while I go up to put the three year old to bed, it would be an idea if the place could be properly tidied up.

We also have someone coming round in a bit, so I said it would be good if rather than watching TV, he could tidy up properly. He flew off the handle and told me to stop whingeing.

The antibiotics that your baby is taking (presumably orally?) are probably upsetting his stomach, hence the poo issues and nappy rash. My DD had awful raw nappy burn when she was a baby and I gave lots of nappy free time and popped a bit of lavender oil in her bath. It cleared up really quickly.

Exactly what's happened to him. Tomorrow I'll try even more nappy free time and less cream.

Good plan @nanneo. Hope it helps. 🤞

Thank you. I really hope so. I've never seen a baby as upset as he's been for nearly a week now. I'm so sad for him and it's been so incredibly stressful.

OP you sound exhausted. Tomorrow, have a day off, do nothing but lots of cuddles with your little ones and you with your feet up.Leave the house and everything else and rest as much as you can. You need to take some time for yourself ,everything else can wait.Sending you a hug x

As a PP said - Ask him once. If he doesn't respond and help them, you down tools. Totally ignore him, no matter what. I would never raise my blood pressure arguing back & forth with a lazy, sexist tool. If he doesn't like it then leave so you have your peace.

Unfortunately you may find he just sits in the mess. Or starts whinging, at which point tell him to stop whinging and moaning

He sounds very like my stbxh and though I wouldn't have used a phase like this it could well be the result of previous nasty reactions to straight out asking. I've tied myself in knots many times trying to find a way of asking him to do something that wouldn't result in moody/nasty behaviour.

OP my long overdue solution is to divorce him. He's not going to change. I got sick and tired of the nastiness but also having to do everything with no support or help. No matter how bad things are or how sick I am stbxh won't lift a finger beyond the set very minor tasks he grudgingly does.

Has the GP seen the nappy rash btw? We had this once, it was so bad my son was screaming and sobbing every change, the GP prescribed an anti fungal cream and it cleared it up so quickly.

Plan your exit - he won’t improve.

You poor thing, it sounds like you're at the end of your tether and for good reason! Your partner needs to get a fucking grip

I wouldn’t live with anyone who treated me in such a shitty way. I hope baby gets better soon, but you’ll still be left living with that git.

Whose house is it? Are you dependent on this worthless boyfriend financially? Dreadful environment (and excuse for a man) to inflict on kids, as you can see already. Good luck for a happy future without this specimen teaching your kid to insult you and use you as a domestic appliance.

Don't do anything for him. And when he asks why you've made dinner for you and the kids but not him, or why you've washed everyone's clothes except his, tell him not to whinge and nag.

I think you are absolutely exhausted and need a rest for a day or two before any decision making, but understand you would rather be caring for your baby.
can you sit him down and tell him how seriously you feel, how you need to approach this as a team/as parents to 2 children , one of which needs a lot more help atm.
As a previous poster said, men only use the word nag to a woman, which is demeaning too as well as his behaviour.

Try to see if you can both take a day or two off, to get dh to assist you to rest and share the load.
worth calling GP again to state how baby is doing , I know my children ended up needing a canestan type thrush cream for similar sounding nappy rash

It sounds like you're having a bad time and with the poorly baby must be so difficult. I have been my DH for 20 years now and he has never called me a nag or told me that I whinge. We are a team.

Asking for support when you are tired and dealing with a baby is not nagging.

He sounds horrible OP.

Sending you a cup of tea and a bunch of daffodils.

This is a terrible example to be giving your daughter about what relationships are.

Girls get their sense of self worth by watching how their mothers allow themselves to be treated. Maybe have a think about what kind of person she could end up in a relationship with as an adult if you raise her round this.

I agree with the poster who said try saying there is x y and z to do which job is he going to do so that you can both do a job and then both relax. If he doesn’t step up then stop doing his laundry full stop. Then stop cooking anything at all for him.
He is bang out of order calling you a nag.
If he doesn’t step up then you might consider leaving him.

Is the rash only in the nappy area or elsewhere? My DC got a rash from a certain type of antibiotics and it was only obvious as it spread.

Best wishes OP, that is a horrible situation. It is all too easy to say leave. Try everything to draw a line under this behaviour - moving out for a while, counselling, etc

You tell him. You tell him clearly and firmly that you won't tolerate him diverting attention from his own inadequacy by trying to frame your requests and issues as nagging. You tell him you see through it and it won't wash. That he is at fault, and all the name calling in the world doesn't change that, and if he wants his relationship with you to continue he should never refer to you that way again. Its a horrible way to put down a woman and they toss it out so casually. Make him understand it matters and you won't stand for it.

‘Don’t start ‘
’ can you stop going on’
’ your always complaining ‘

i had this for a while and I told DH - if you think you can try and call me moaning for calling you out on being a lazy bastard, this won’t work . Do you think I will be labeled as a moaning wife for merely asking you to help out . If you think I’m this dense and easily manipulated then you can F off.

That pretty much put and end to it .

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time. I just wanted to say that Methanium nappy rash cream is really, really good. Is the only thing that worked on my babies. It's yellow with a chalky texture and you only apply a very thin layer, so that you can see the texture of the skin through it. It seems to be almost instantly soothing. I hope your poor DS feels better soon. ❤️

God, you're having such a hard time & he is sitting about & name calling, & worse your child is mimicking him.
Id tell him to leave, he's not helping, he's not a good role model, he is playing on his phone/other knowing hiw bad your day/week has been.
He can simply leave because he is serving absolutely no purpose.
He can go hime to his mummy's & sit in his schoolboy bedroom & play..
I'm furious on your behalf

'I wouldn't have to whinge if you weren't such a lazy useless bastard, always sitting around doing nothing, never pulling your weight or being an adult. Fuck off.'

Then divorce him.

Well said.

Hopefully once your baby isn’t ill you can focus on putting steps in place to free yourself. It’s unacceptable, and misogynistic for a man to call you names, insult you, damage your kids and put his feet up contemptuously while you serve him and take on his share of parenting and household duties. There’s no way to move past such lowlife behaviour choices from him.