Can somebody help me draft a resignation email please?

[depressionisheavy]

I need to tell my really nice boss I'm quitting as my mental health is spiralling after a fairly traumatic bereavement, I have a physical health condition as well which they know about and it is flaring and it's all too much. They were so kind to me at the time of the loss and I thought it'd be good for me to have this to focus on but I can't cope and they deserve better than I can do anyway.

I'm so embarrassed by everything and feel completely ill at ease at having to share details of my health - but then on the other hand, if I don't offer any explanation they will just think I'm being a horrible inconsiderate feckless twat. Which I possibly still am but I just cannot cope.

Can anyone suggest a way of wording this sort of email that conveys I'm struggling, but doesn't overshare or make me sound like a drama queen? I loathe myself today, can't trust myself for anything and so worried about how to do this.

If at all possible I'd love to not completely burn bridges and not come across as a stupid selfish arsehole.

I am so sorry your struggling, why not give yourself some space before making such a major decision.
How about you send an email like this instead;
Dear X
I am really sorry for not getting in contact sooner, I feel terrible to have caused concern. I really appreciate all the support I have received at work and it has meant a lot to me.

I need to be honest I am struggling with my mental health due to recent events and have been receiving treatment from my GP. I am not currently fit to work and need some time to recover. I am going to contact the GP today and will update you further.
Thank you again for all your support.

step 2: call your GP explain the situation and explain you cannot work currently and they will write you a fit note. Especially as they have already been treating you. I have needed to be signed off before due to a mental health crisis and they offered a month initially. Request what you think you need, they will likely support you.

step 3: Email the fit note when you have received it. Your manager should not share the reason for your sickness with your colleagues. You can share as much or as little as you want later.

step 4: take some time to recover, do not focus on work at all.

step 5: once you have had some sick leave and can think clearer, make the decision on what you think is right for you regarding your job.

please don't quit straight away if you enjoy the job and feel like you'd want to return. It is not your fault your unwell, try to be kind to yourself if you can. You are entitled to time of work when your sick and that includes struggling with your mental health. You have done nothing wrong and doing the best you can given the circumstances.

This.
When my MH spiralled I had no idea whether I was coming or going.
But literally the instant the doctor said ‘You need a break, I think we should sign you off for a bit’ the relief was extraordinary. I sent my boss the GP certificate and didn’t have to think about work again. Got the certificate extended once, and by then I had meds/therapy/calmed down and was able to think about returning.

Oh and as a pp has said, none of my colleagues knew why I was off, just that I was on long term sick leave. The (light hearted) rumour apparently was I had broken my leg falling off my horse. Not an inkling that it’s was mental rather than physical sick.

Gently, OP. You're catastrophising, as is common when struggling with mental health. Why would it be unbearable if they knew you were struggling? Are you saying you wouldn't expect someone else to struggle if they had been through what you have?

You've had great advice on this thread, apologise, explain, look to take the time away, either sick leave or sabbatical. Go that route first rather than resigning. The voice saying resigning is the only option, that people will talk about you, everyone will think of you differently etc, that is the mental health issues speaking, it is not the reality. They are nice and want to support you, they're concerned because they know if it was them in your shoes they'd be struggling too.

Please don't resign under these circumstances. Nobody should be making major, life changing decisions when they are having a crisis.

Take some time off, get yourself better and then decide what you want to do - you may feel perfectly able to return to your job once you've had some time to recover.

There is no shame in having mental health problems and you don't need to resign because of them

Please don't be embarrassed by your MH after the bereavement, we all cope with things in our own unique way.
Sometimes it's hard to keep everything together and do your job.
Please speak to your boss and perhaps they will let you adjust your role or hours to enable you to cope better whilst still being an asset to them.
Many companies are well aware that during life we all have our ups and downs and most employers are keen to support you through these times an retain staff rather than loose experienced staff and retrain new recruits.
I'm saying this from experience as last week I felt similar to you and spoke to my line manager about my current personal issues and general instability. They couldn't have been nicer or more supportive and even helped me access counselling.
I still don't feel much use at work but at least if provides something to occupy my mind and eases any financial concerns.
Please chat before resigning.

I'm an employment lawyer and this is the advice I would give a client in your situation.

Please take this as my official notice of leaving. I am giving x weeks notice according to the policy.
Thank you for you kindness shown to me during this time.

Thank you all for your help.

I sent a brief email saying I'd been struggling with my physical health and also grief and that I was in with my gp trying to get help, and apologised for poor communication.

They replied saying they had been worried, and hope I can rejoin soon, and that they value me.....So, taking that at face value, that sounds ok and like I can navigate going back?

I still feel they are really annoyed with me though, and wondering if the tone is different in the email but not sure if that's really the case or if it's anxiety trying to make me find 'evidence' that they all think I'm a twat, and just feel sorry for me.

I feel like all my pain is exposed, it's so uncomfortable.

I got chat gtp to write my recent resignation letter. It actually did a pretty good job. Give it the info and give it a whirl.

Well done @depressionisheavy

I would definitely take that at face value, I know it's hard not to try and look for a negative tone but from the sounds of it that email was very genuine. They do care!

I hope you feel a bit better about things and good luck with the GP. Keep checking in.

Well done for what you have done- I genuinely mean that. It’s hard not to just ‘cut and run’ but having read your posts I know that making that first contact might have been hard.

I said it in an earlier post…. Get some time and breath.

You are clearly valued, and to me sounds like your manager potentially has personal or professional experience (maybe both) of grief, mental health, etc.

Your GP will support your work situation with a fit note.

Just one foot in front of the other. Work will always be there but you need to take take of you first.

Thank you.

Yes, my boss's Mum died from the same type of cancer as mine did in a very similar timeframe, but a decade ago. So we do have a bit of shared understanding in a way.

The thing is she is extremely successful and it never seemed to stop her in her career - I get the impression she threw herself into her work as something to concentrate on, which is what I thought I'd try to do myself, but obviously that's not working for me.

Oh good OP, that’s sounds like a good message from your boss.

Good luck and keep posting here if you need to.

Please lean in to any support you get from work.

What you perceive your boss to have achieved is the result of many factors… and you don’t know any of the background… there are so many factors contributing to how we react or behave or feel.

Take your time off and get better. Please don’t burn bridges as you go.

You are human, you have shown human vulnerability. Some hide it more than others but that’s not necessarily a good thing in the long term.

From my experience of managing (several) colleagues with mental health difficulties, it’s incredibly common for them to go to ground and not communicate for the first few days. Your manager will be used to it. Please don’t worry, (!) take the sick leave.

If you are concerned about the medication the GP has given you, it’s ok to go back to them and ask about it. Please don’t suffer in silence tying yourself in knots (easier said than done, I know)

Don’t panic OP and quit right now. You’re not thinking straight and if they are a nice bunch then it’s worth finding a way through this. Being unemployed won’t make you feel any better, you poor love

I’m glad you managed to write that email, so brave!!!

from their point of view they just want to give you space, to get some rest, some help and to feel safe to talk to them. They won’t want to be effusively saying they want you back, because they don’t want to stress you out more.

take it at face value, get signed off, ask if work offer support (counselling etc), then take time to concentrate on getting better. When you are ready be as open as you feel comfortable being with you4 boss.

everyone reacts differently to grief, there is no right or wrong path.

That's a really good response from your boss OP. They sound good.

Please don't resign. I think you need to be signed off for a period of time to give yourself chance to recover.

That stigma of mental health that you are worried about really isn't as rife as it used to be. People understand and people care.

Half of my team are on meds for depression, they talk to me when they are having bad days, they sometimes get signed of for a couple of weeks if things get too difficult. But I value them and I care for them and I would rather they take some time out to get well than resign and I lose them forever.

Take care of yourself.