Can somebody help me draft a resignation email please?

[depressionisheavy]

I need to tell my really nice boss I'm quitting as my mental health is spiralling after a fairly traumatic bereavement, I have a physical health condition as well which they know about and it is flaring and it's all too much. They were so kind to me at the time of the loss and I thought it'd be good for me to have this to focus on but I can't cope and they deserve better than I can do anyway.

I'm so embarrassed by everything and feel completely ill at ease at having to share details of my health - but then on the other hand, if I don't offer any explanation they will just think I'm being a horrible inconsiderate feckless twat. Which I possibly still am but I just cannot cope.

Can anyone suggest a way of wording this sort of email that conveys I'm struggling, but doesn't overshare or make me sound like a drama queen? I loathe myself today, can't trust myself for anything and so worried about how to do this.

If at all possible I'd love to not completely burn bridges and not come across as a stupid selfish arsehole.

Don't resign. Speak to your manager, who you've said is kind and explain that you are going to take some time off sick (get a fit note from your GP for at least a couple of weeks). Ask for a referral to occupational health and see if there is any employee support programmes that can get counselling quicker than a GP referral. You might find with the right support and a slow phased return once you've got support that you can manage at work.

As a manager, I would hate for a team member to resign because of their health when a period of sick leave and some support from the right people could help.

Don't rush to quit your job. It sounds like you need some breathing space. Ask your GP if you can be signed off for a couple of weeks, then explore options with your manager.

Can your manager refer you to Occupational Health? Maybe a period of unpaid leave would work. Or a work life balance request to reduce your hours and/or change your working pattern.

There are other options to explore before deciding to resign.

ChatGPT suggests this:

Subject: Resignation due to bereavement and health condition
Dear [Manager's Name],
It is with a heavy heart that I must tender my resignation from my position as [Your Position] effective immediately. I am writing this email to formally inform you of my decision.
Unfortunately, I have been struggling with a recent bereavement and my physical health condition has been flaring up, which has made it challenging for me to continue working to the best of my ability. Given these circumstances, I have made the difficult decision to resign from my position.
I appreciate the support and understanding that you and the team have shown me during my time here. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with such an amazing group of people and have learned a great deal during my time here. I will always cherish the memories and experiences that I have gained while working at [Company Name].
I will do my best to ensure a smooth transition by completing all pending tasks and ensuring that all necessary information is shared with my colleagues. Please let me know if there is anything specific that I can do to help with the transition process.
Thank you for your understanding and support during this difficult time.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]

It’s ok, you let them know you weren’t well and had a couple of days off, that’s ok.

Feeling unwell mentally is just as valid as physically, it’s not anything to be embarrassed about.

Please chat to your boss before making any decisions to resign.

It sounds like you're panicking OP about letting your boss down and you think only resigning will fix it?

You do sound like you're struggling but that's not usually a resignation matter.

If you can bear it please reach out to your boss and explain, or ask your GP to sign you off

Only quit if you really want to.

Otherwise have an honest conversation and ask for leave of absence or reduced hours or whatever supports you need.

If what you need isn't possible, then resign.

You do not need to resign. You can take sick leave, or you can take unpaid leave. What you need to do is inform your manager that you need to take time off now to see the GP due to an ongoing health condition, as well as concerns for your mental health since the bereavement. Take a week off and then decide with the GP and your family whether to go on long-term sick leave, or ask for 6 months sabbatical / unpaid leave while you work through the issues. A fixed long period lets them hire cover, and gives you the break you clearly need. Near the end of that time, you have a return to work meeting and discuss how you are. It might be that you return only part-time. All options are open at this point, the only thing you can't do is go back into work right now because you aren't well enough. Good luck.

You may not have
I manage quite a lot of staff ( nurses )

Every one of us struggles at one time or another
We don't always deal with that in the right way
Be open , honest , appreciative of their ongoing support
Say that you need some time to heal and then please seek support from those who love you

It may take time but you could keep your job if that's the right thing for you
Or finish on good terms if that is your decision

Take care of you 💐

Oh OP,

I echo everyone saying to pause…. Pause and try to breathe.

You sound like a really conscientious person (which is why your boss is worried and supportive) who is spiralling at the moment. I’d urge you not to make any permanent life decisions just now.

I’d suggest emailing your boss and letting them know you are not well enough to work presently, but are seeking help. They WILL understand.

Then call your GP and explain you are in a bit of a crisis (tell this to reception if you have to) and need an urgent consultation. If it helps, I AM a working GP and I promise you this is a reasonable and valid use of their time. Also google IAPT services in your area (literally put where you live and NHS IAPT into google search).

Take some sick leave, discuss through other support and treatment options with them. There may be a GP whom you are already seeing?

Any GP who assesses you as you are can/ will issue you a fit note- and they are easily and often backdated so the fact that you haven’t been in for a few days is not a problem.

I doubt you are the first and I know you won’t be the last person in your work place to have mental health struggles- people just often don’t share them openly.

Hit the work breaks but don’t feel you have to step off it completely at this time. Take some time… as much time as you need… to breathe, get support, get healthy again. And then- only then- evaluate your work situation.

Be kind to yourself.

The fact they are worried about you, says you haven’t screwed it up.

I would arrange a face to face meeting, you could even suggest away from the office (coffee shop etc). But you need to be honest, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Just don’t bury your head.

There is plenty of support out there, unfortunately it doesn’t just come to you.

Here's a possible way to word the email:

Dear [Boss],

I hope this email finds you well. I'm writing to let you know that I've come to the difficult decision to resign from my position at [company]. This has been a tough decision for me, but I've realized that I need to prioritize my physical and mental health at this time.

As you know, I've been struggling with the recent loss of [name of person who passed away], and unfortunately, my grief and stress have taken a toll on my health. My [physical health condition] has been flaring up, and I'm finding it difficult to manage both my health and my work responsibilities.

I want to thank you for your kindness and support during this difficult time. You've been a wonderful boss and I appreciate all that you've done for me. Please know that this decision is in no way a reflection of how I feel about my job or the company. I simply need to take some time to focus on my well-being.

I'm happy to work with you to ensure a smooth transition and to tie up any loose ends before my departure. I understand that this may be an inconvenience for the company, and I apologize for any disruption this may cause.

Thank you again for everything. I hope we can stay in touch and I wish you and the company all the best.

Sincerely,

[Your name]

This is a good letter. And if as a manager I received this from a staff member I valued and wanted to keep long term I'd see if I could get HR to agree to a sabbatical/leave of absence for them for six months or a year, to leave the door open.

OP - if your boss comes back with that sort of counter-offer, do you feel able to consider it? I'd seriously urge you to give your boss and coworkers the benefit of the doubt and assume that they'll try to do their best by you, that they 100% don't think you've fucked this up and they will want to support you.

(I mean @Scaredd's letter -quote fail!)

You absolutely do not resign when feeling like this.

You apologise for poor communication, explaining you are struggling, thank the, for their concern and go from there.

I just can't stop crying. I did go to the gp a few days ago and they gave me buspirone which seemed to make the panic worse, and valium which I am scared to take for this.

I already take valium for an invasive medical procedure 6 times a year that distresses me so much I feel like I'm having an out of body experience. So I can't take the valium now, in case my body gets used to it and it stops working for that medical procedure or I'm fucked.

I feel like such a coward.

Hey, just to add I also don’t think you should resign.

here is a draft email you could send instead.

Dear [Boss's Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to reach out and express my sincere apologies for my lack of communication when I was absent from work for two days. I understand that my sudden absence may have caused inconvenience and concern for you and the team. I am truly sorry for that.

At the time, I was struggling with a bereavement and found it difficult to communicate. I understand that this is not an excuse, and I should have reached out to you or someone on the team to let you know what was happening.

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your support during this difficult time. Your understanding and kindness have meant a lot to me, and I am grateful to have you as my boss.

Moving forward, I would like to ask for your guidance on how to proceed. I am still struggling with the bereavement, and I want to make sure that I am taking the necessary steps to continue my work while also taking care of myself. If there is anything you need from me or any support you can offer, I would greatly appreciate it.

Again, I apologise for any inconvenience or concern that I may have caused. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to working with you in the future.

Sincerely,
[Your Name]

Honestly OP this may feel like the only option now, but I would advise going to the GP and getting signed off for a bit before making any decisions about this.

I also walked out of my job in the midst of a complicated bereavement reaction, combined with a mental illness. I walked out of the office and fully intended never to go back.

I went to the GP to get sleeping pills as I was so distressed I couldn't sleep. The GP signed me off for a while.

You have not fucked everything up. Having two days off when you are unwell is very little.

If you like your job normally, and they are normally supportive, I would really recommend taking some time off sick to reflect and heal before considering if you really want to terminate your employment.

This may all feel different when you have had time to come through this crisis period.

Wishing you well as I have been through similar and it was the hardest period of my life. But now I am still at my job and doing very well.

You’ve had and are having a terrible time but I think in the longer term you may regret resigning. They obviously care for you and value you, but you are being very hard on yourself. Ask for a sabbatical, as others have suggested, and then it leaves the option of returning open to you when you feel stronger. Take care.

You are not a coward. My severe bereavement reaction happened a whole year after the death which occured. These things really do hit us in different ways.

Your doctor won't have prescribed the valium if they hadn't thought it would help you. They probably haven't prescribed much, just enough to allow you to get some rest. Please do try it.

Are you sure you need to resign? I was completely useless at work after a significant bereavement and really couldn't see a way back, but after 3 months' sickleave and a phased return most days I feel like me again now

If you are going to resign keep it short and sweet. Thank you sincerely for all your support, I wish you and the company well for the future.

Ok, so as a boss who has had team members signed off, you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have a kind workplace and they are worried.

whether you meet for coffee in a safe space, or call or write, you should admit that everything has led to your physical condition worsening and you are struggling with your mental health. Then get signed off. People at work will put it down to the bereavement.

take the time you need, and your work may offer additional support, phone lines, counselling support. You manager should be trained to sign post you to that support.

most workplaces are acutely aware that many people will struggle with their mental health for a variety of reasons, and they should have steps in place to support you to get well.

right now you need space, time away and let your meds kick in, possibly get additional support. Don’t rush anything.

So you've basically not gone into work work for two days and they are concerned? That is salvageable and you should be able to talk to your line manager privately.

Dear LM

Thank you for your concerned email. I am very dedicated to my role and to the team but for personal reasons I find I am struggling. Could we speak tomorrow at X time to discuss options going forward?
kr etc

then when you speak in person you say would be grateful for a period of X months unpaid leave to allow time to address the issues you are currently facing. I'd be that vague about the issues, you don't have to specify. The point is you need time to deal with them.

I mean you're going to resign anyway so what do you have to lose?

I wouldn't recommend that. Yes, apologise, but then go to GP.and take sick leave, OP can't expect them to grant unpaid leave without discussing the reasons.