Are some people just a bit shit?

[depressionisheavy]

I'm not intelligent, and I am poor at managing social situations. I also have ADD but I suspect that's not really true because from what I have seen, most people with ADHD or ADD are far more intelligent than me so I wonder if I have an undiagnosed brain injury as family history contains a lot of vascular disease. But probably that's just me making another excuse.

I'm really, really anxious all the time and on a waiting list for therapy for past trauma. This all impacts me most in that I struggle in the workplace, I am seriously incompetent.

But - am I wasting my time? Therapy will not make me be able to learn skills faster or more efficiently? Like I'll still be fucking thick?

Has anyone ever had therapy which then sort of freed up bandwidth and made them less shit at life?

Because that's what I need and I don't know if it exists.

No but maybe it is exacerbated by your lifestyle? I would assess your eating and drinking habits as they can contribute to I’ll health/mental well-being. I would avoid caffeine. It sounds as though you are struggling with your current work situation and perhaps you are not suited to that specific role but, thinking positively, there is undoubtedly something that you will thrive at. You do not sound thick.

Your post here is thoughtful and well written. You would strike me as intelligent person based on what you have written.
I am not an expert but I would imagine that some therapy for your anxiety would help you a lot. You need to reframe and question your thoughts.
Something else to consider is whether you are in the right job for you. Is there something you would rather do?
Sorry I can't be more helpful but you sound like a lovely person and I hope you get to start your therapy very soon xx

My anxiety makes me panicky when faced with something simple, I still struggle in conversation I find it hard to slow down. Therapy helped calm me a bit and things seemed more manageable. I’m not completely unintelligent but I really did struggle to focus. Try therapy OP, at the very least hopefully it will be helpful for resolving trauma, not just to make you a better worker but a happier person.

Also, you don’t sound thick at all.

You dont come across as thick in your post, you come across as very self aware.

You have past trauma which is more than likely contributing to your anxiety. If you are constantly anxious it makes it harder to learn and retain information.

Could you try different lifestyle changes to see if you could reduce anxiety until you can access therapy eg meditation etc. Try be kinder to yourself x

I was thinking the same, that your post doesn’t read as though it’s written by someone who lacks intelligence. It’s well constructed and makes good sense.

Anxiety makes us doubt ourselves. I hope you can find therapy that supports you and maybe, a job that suits you better.

You don't sound thick but massively suffering with low self esteem and huge lack if confidence which presents in workplaces as clumsy or accident prone xx I'm sure once you have your mojo back you'll excel at whatever you do. If you were too thick for the role you wouldn't have passed the application or interview.

You sound so down on yourself, imagine if someone else spoke to you like this, you’d tell them to go fuck them selves ( at least you should 😊). I think therapy would be of enormous benefit to you.

You sound lovely Op. It’s okay to doubt yourself from time to time, we all do it, but when you feel better it’s also okay to take a deep breath and realise that the complete strangers on the internet were right - you are awesome. We are all unique in our ways, with special superpowers. Maybe you just haven’t found yours. When you do, you certainly won’t waste time thinking you’re stupid. ♥️ Tomorrow is another day with a fresh start.

Your post here is thoughtful and well written. You would strike me as intelligent person based on what you have written.

This was my first thought too, OP. Don’t underestimate how tough it is for many ND people to navigate a world that simply isn’t built with their needs in mind - it is bloody exhausting (I speak from experience!) Just because you might not yet have found the approach(es) to learning that work best for you, doesn’t mean you’re incapable AT ALL. It’s very common for those of us who aren’t neurotypical (especially women) to experience imposter syndrome.

I’d suggest looking into some counselling sessions with a practitioner specialising in neurodiversity if you can. I’d also really recommend joining some online support networks for neurodiverse people - personally I’ve found that a huge help. Good luck 💐

Has anyone ever had therapy which then sort of freed up bandwidth and made them less shit at life?

Yes! Definitely increased my earning power at work. Helped my social anxiety and my ability to form relationships and manage stakeholders at work. I don’t procrastinate at work so much and when I do I know exactly why and how to get myself out of it or what I need. I keep up at home a lot better with housework etc. Don’t underestimate the exhaustion and mental drag trauma can cause, it’s huge. Therapy increases your emotional intelligence and ability to self-soothe/regulate yourself, arguably more important than IQ.

Are you really incompetent and thick? Do you have actual evidence to back that up, or is it an inner critic?

Maybe you're just in the wrong job. I tried about 7 different careers before I found one I liked 😂 - I'm sure there's something out there for you.

came on to say the same as previous posters- you sound thoughtful and intelligent. Your post is well written. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. We all have days when we question our intelligence ! ( at least I do!!)

it sounds like you lack confidence - therapy should help.

also ADD can make people feel stupid and lacking in self esteem, so maybe see what support you can get for that ?

I opened this thread expecting a completely different line of thought.

Yes some people are just a bit shit: they are the ones who make you feel small, who get jealous over your successes, like to make digs at your weaknesses, make sure you feel unimportant…I could go on.

You don’t sound like any of the above. ‘Mainstream’ life is a one size fits all package, and so it just doesn’t suit many people. Doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. I’m sorry if you are struggling but you should know I’d still far rather hang out with you than an actual person who is a shit.

And in answer to your question - yes, I’ve been lucky enough to have a ‘bandwidth’ freed up (great analogy btw) after lots of trauma. But it did take a long time. The magic combo for me was talking therapy then cbt. Be patient, keep seeking help, one step at a time.

Are you medicated for ADHD? I notice that you’re using the older term ADD so I’m assuming that your diagnosis was a while ago?

There has been a lot of research into medications in the last two decades and the current findings are that therapy and behavioural interventions are much more effective combined with medication than alone.

That’s pretty much a complete u-turn from the general consensus a decade ago so if you haven’t tried medication, it might be worth considering now.

Yes. I had a wheat intolerance that made be really dozy. I felt so thick.
Maybe try going wheat free for a month and see how you feel.

ADD and ADHD are very different. Still both recognised. My friend is very much ADD, hyperactive is the very last thing you would describe him as!

You don’t write like a thick person. Do you just feel brain fog, or a bit blocked? That doesn’t make you unintelligent.

No, you are not. Nobody is.

Your post here is thoughtful and well written. You would strike me as intelligent person based on what you have written.

My thoughts exactly. You’re far from “fucking thick”, mate. I’d really like to get hold of whoever gave you that idea and give them a piece of my mind. You’ve definitely come across people who are a bit shit but you’re not one of them.

IMO the answer to your question is yes, some people are just a bit shit. They aren't generally the ones asking how to improve themselves though!

Genuine question, how does a wheat intolerance affect you cognitive abilities? Is it the same as an allergic reaction? How did you know you had this and have you noticed a big difference since the change. I have lactose intolerance it’s physical (gut reaction) rather than anything else, is that the same? Do you agree with some that food changes would cure autism?

Yes, it can help. Past trauma can have similar effects to symptoms of ADD or ADHD. It can make it hard to focus; it can affect our sleep (which in turn can make it hard to focus).

Trauma can cause us to lose a sense of connection with ourselves, in the sense that our mind might whirr around looking for answers, or ruminate, or try to avoid upsetting triggers, or all these things, and we might disconnect with our physical sensations as a result of dissociating. This means we lose a sense of being centred or grounded and so (at least in my experience) everything can feel like a confusion of external stimuli, overwhelming, difficult to put in order or remember. Also, it can mean we lose our sense of who we are or belonging.

Therapy can help by giving a warm, accepting environment and space to find yourself, help to process the traumatic times and find meaning or purpose in the present.

Mindfulness is what helped me most, and any exercise that helps connect mind and body, like yoga. Swimming or just walking in nature also, good for anxiety. Anything that gives continued practice at connecting with your felt sensations and is soothing.

OP - you don't sound thick!

I think you would be happier in a different working environment. I forced myself to adapt to working in an office, l hated it. I am much better in an environment l don't feel trapped and stuck with same people everyday. I felt the same about school.
When you find something that makes you feel more comfortable you will thrive. Society puts so much value on academic success, yet most people l know in high positions are thourougly miserable.

I joined this group just to respond to you. It's as if I had written your message. I am not bright. I have always had the lowest IQ of all my friends. For the most part I hide it pretty well. But the lack of quickness, wit, inability to understand certain concepts, slow thinking, etc. etc. affects me every day. I was never able to hold a job that I enjoyed because I simply couldn't keep up. I also have ADD- inattentive type. The combination is sometimes tortuous. I'm not medicated because I have insomnia when I take pills. But despite ALL of this, I still manage to get some self worth. I'm warm and deeply compassionate. I'm curious about the world (even though I retain virtually none of the information I learn about it), I'm spontaneous and silly. I'm a damn good friend, I'm imaginative and sometimes create good art. I appreciate the little moments in life. So, I encourage you to do a few things. First, find a therapist who can help your anxiety and help you find more self esteem and self acceptance, embrace friendships with people who appreciate and celebrate the good in you, and appreciate yourself the gifts that you do have. And do get on medication because it can help you focus and be your best self. Wishing you the very best.