To expect husband to be more intelligent?

[MeMyBooksAndMyCats]

DS7 was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 2 weeks ago. Right now his numbers are all over the place as his cells have tried to kickstart and make their own insulin which is normal.

We are meant to check before meal times, two hours after meals/corrections, before we go to sleep and once through the night around 4am more if needed.

Last night ds7 had lows as his numbers need adjusting again. This meant I had to get up more to check they weren't getting dangerously low and it did happen at 6am and he needed treatment immediately.

Today I'm quite clearly very tired, DH keeps saying it's my own fault for getting up so much in the night even though this the ADVICE off his diabetes team.

AIBU to think he's a complete and utter arse who should be more intelligent to know that you need to check and I'm not just making this up?

It's making me so angry as I'm the only one doing it! I normally do ds7 breakfast and go and have a hours nap, but today DH had a lie in so I didn't get that extra hours sleep so I'm running off 4 hours.
He's also reculant to do blood pricks and insulin which isn't helping either!

YANBU

It's not a lack of intelligence - it's pure selfishness!

Sit him down and tell him he is not allowed to be reluctant to do tests/treatment.
You must take turns or do it in shifts until things begin to settle at least.

Not about intelligence, more about equal share of looking after your child’s diabetes.
he sounds like he needs to step up and do his share.

and can’t you get a Libre device, fingerpricking seems very old fashioned. The libre will send an alarm to your phone so you can sleep til you are woken

This isn't about intelligence. This is about a man who is clearly not willing to accept that your DS has a serious illness that needs monitoring and careful management and that this is something that will take time, and will probably change a great deal over the coming months and years.

I don't have an answer for you but if he doesn't get the health risks here, you have a bigger problem. Is he attending appointments with you? Has he listened to doctors telling you how serious this is? Does he know what the risks of unmanaged diabetes is? Or is he just leaving it all to you and therefore only seeing what appears to be a largely healthy child?

Wanker.

I'ma angry on your behalf.

That's appalling of him. You need to spell it out to him - that if these checks are not done at set times, your DS could die. He needs to step up and do his share - having a child with Type 1, especially in the early stages after diagnosis, is incredibly tough.

I would make him take time off work to come with you to your DS' next appointment and let the diabetes team tell him some home truths. This is grounds for going nuclear at him.

It's been two weeks. This is not a quick or instant process!

He should be more thoughtful and a better parent, and less or an arse but you can’t change your own intelligence.

sounds tough OP

This has nothing to do with intelligence, and in any case, intelligence isn't something people can will themselves to have more of.

My ex was like this, dd has a pretty severe medical condition, he refused to accept it, thought I was just fussing, then blamed me for my 'fussing'.

Then when I learned how to deal with it, and he didn't he was all "Oh but you know how to do this stuff and I don't".

Fucking prick hasn't seen the kids for 6 years now as he found it all so overwhelming.

It's nothing to do with intellect, your dh is just a selfish prick who sees you as the default parent.

I absolutely get how you are feeling. You must be really tired. Four hours sleep is not sustainable.

Is he potentially scared and managing it via avoidance.?

DS7 is on the waiting list for a monitor the dexcom however it's a 3 month waiting list on the nhs as they need baseline levels to go off first. I'm not so bothered about the finger pricks and all that, neither is ds7 which is great but it's just the lack of support.

I've told him and told him ds7 could end up in a seizure, coma, brain damage or die if it's missed and he still insists I'm in the wrong. I'm so bloody furious and upset, I'm doing all the housework on top and sorting out ds7 return to school and he STILL doesn't get it.

I would make him take time off work to come with you to your DS' next appointment and let the diabetes team tell him some home truths.

This is a very good idea IMO. Whether your DH is acting from denial or from being a selfish arse, he needs to be told explicitly what his responsibility is, and the risk to your DD's life, if he doesn't step up.

If this level of shitty behaviour is new, I'd suggest that he is struggling and perhaps you need to both agree that he seeks help.

More likely however, he's just a dick. I could not live with someone who did not take my child's very serious health condition seriously and who was unwilling to step up to support me and the child during that time.

What exactly is it that he cannot comprehend?

Has he read up about T1D? There's tons of information online. The Mayo clinic has lots of useful yet concise information.

Make sure he comes along to your son's next appointment. Maybe the doctor can talk some sense into him.

What’s the actual point of him? He sounds like a waste of space

I've told him and told him ds7 could end up in a seizure, coma, brain damage or die if it's missed and he still insists I'm in the wrong.

What does he think you're wrong about? Does he genuinely think unstable Type 1 is no big deal? In all seriousness, this is now divorce worthy.

I would tell him to fuck off. Don't do his laundry, don't cook for him. Do fuck all. You must be so stressed and scared on top of everything. Go on strike!

He's not just a dick, he's dangerous.

Erm sorry much as I love my other half he is an adult who can take care of himself and I'm not his carer and if he chooses not to and becomes ill then thats totally his own fault. Different if he was disabled or mentally unwell etc etc and needed me to help.

Well he could be thick as pig sheet - don’t over-estimate the average intelligence of people, remember 49% of people are below mean average intelligence.

More likely he hasn’t a clue and is putting his fingers in his ears as it would mean his life is not wonderful. I can’t believe he hasn’t been to the medical meetings and been told face to face!

I’ll admit I would not be waiting for an NHS machine though - I would buy one private asap.

What’s the point of him in you and your DS’s life @MeMyBooksAndMyCats ?

Yes. He needs to care for his own child. He needs to accompany you both to appointments, he needs to read up about T1, basically he needs to understand that your child will become seriously ill if not monitored. My child has had T1 for over 20 years. I had similar issues to you, it took a lot for my DH to really understand what was required. In respect of the continuous monitors etc, you still need to get used to monitoring with a metre and doing injections manually. The Libre/Dexcoms are good but can still fail and insulin pumps also are also not 100% reliable. I know that from experience! In the past we also had to learn how to give injections with a syringe as well as the pen, just in case. It's really a steep learning curve and he needs to learn.

It's a 7 year old child who has diabetes, not the husband.

BTW re buying equipment, please wait for them to be prescribed. They are expensive and different trusts prescribe different types. You need to ensure that they will fund the equipment.