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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

A large age gap, me being the oldest- is it wrong it can it work?

73 replies

Kittykat9070 · 27/03/2023 15:01

Ok I’m prepared to get flamed.

Ive met a guy, I’m 37 he’s 26 - I like him, I really do. We get on so well and I really enjoy spending time with him.

Im gutted I didn’t meet him when we would both be 25 to be honest. The only thing that will ruin this at the moment is how my head works.. Im just worried about years down the line and I know I shouldn’t do that..

So, do you or anyone you know have a large age gap and it’s worked out? Or am I kidding myself?

Looks wise, we don’t look like there’s a massive age gap - I’m not saying I look 25! More that he looks older. I do look a bit younger than I am but that won’t last forever!!

Any positive stories or am I being totally unreasonable to carry this relationship on?

OP posts:

Philicity · 27/03/2023 18:26

My wife was 13 years older than me. I was 26 when we married and she was just short of 40. We were together for 38 years and she died suddenly at breakfast time one morning .. when I was just 64. Which was 7 years ago. We were very happy together and rarely had issues. We did not have children but hoped for them which was perhaps unrealistic. If you would like to talk further you are welcome to contact me offline.

Greeno999 · 27/03/2023 18:28

Kittykat9070 · 27/03/2023 15:01

Ok I’m prepared to get flamed.

Ive met a guy, I’m 37 he’s 26 - I like him, I really do. We get on so well and I really enjoy spending time with him.

So, do you or anyone you know have a large age gap and it’s worked out? Or am I kidding myself?

Looks wise, we don’t look like there’s a massive age gap - I’m not saying I look 25! More that he looks older. I do look a bit younger than I am but that won’t last forever!!

Any positive stories or am I being totally unreasonable to carry this relationship on?

I’m 40, my fella is 27. Our baby is 6mo!

we met on tinder when I was 38, it works! He’s me in male form x

FelicityFlops · 27/03/2023 18:29

My sister - 59 with 3 grown-up children and 4 grandchildren - is 10 years older than her (2nd) husband. He is lovely and I think it works really well. They have been married for nearly 14 years.

Greeno999 · 27/03/2023 18:30

beastlyslumber · 27/03/2023 15:13

Half your age plus ten is the boundary for a non-creepy age gap. So if you're 37 and he's 26 then he's a bit young for you by this metric.

What a load of shite 🤣🤣🤣

fair enough if I was 30 and my fella was 17 but I’m 40, he’s 27. We look the same age, we act the same age. Your reasoning is nonsense

beastlyslumber · 27/03/2023 18:33

Greeno999 · 27/03/2023 18:30

What a load of shite 🤣🤣🤣

fair enough if I was 30 and my fella was 17 but I’m 40, he’s 27. We look the same age, we act the same age. Your reasoning is nonsense

Show quote history

It's a well known metric (although a pp reckons its 7 not 10). Don't take it personally!

dollypartin · 27/03/2023 18:35

I'd be very honest and real about kids asap if you want them, otherwise fine

Greeno999 · 27/03/2023 18:39

beastlyslumber · 27/03/2023 18:33

It's a well known metric (although a pp reckons its 7 not 10). Don't take it personally!

Show quote history

Seems a bit sex and the city imo

love and respect can’t be formed by an equation 🤷🏻‍♀️ he respects and loves me more than my (older) abusive ex husband.

cecinestpasunepipe · 27/03/2023 18:41

I am 70 and my partner is 56, the same age as my son-in-law and my stepson! My late husband was fifteen years older than me. Age really is just a number, barring ill- health.

QOD · 27/03/2023 18:55

my experience is that it works until it doesn't. One of my parents has completely gone for 20 yrs odd age diff now the other way almost to make up for having got old before their time by ending up married to a pensioner when they were still young.

erikbloodaxe · 27/03/2023 20:41

I'd be gutted if my 26 yr old son ended up with a 37 year old.

Maggiesgirl · 27/03/2023 20:46

I'm 9 years older than DH. I was 38 and he was 29 when we met. I was already a grandmother and couldn't have another child. Luckily DH never wanted kids of his own. Is a wonderful grandfather though.

We have been together 26 years and married for 23 of them.

CharlotteStreetW1 · 27/03/2023 20:52

beastlyslumber · 27/03/2023 15:13

Half your age plus ten is the boundary for a non-creepy age gap. So if you're 37 and he's 26 then he's a bit young for you by this metric.

Says who?!

My brother's wife is 11 years older than he is - they've been married for nearly 40s and are now in their 60s an 70s. His son is also married to a woman ten years older and has been for over a decade.

WigglyWaggly · 27/03/2023 20:56

I find it a bit weird. My kids are in their 20s and the thought of them dating someone in the late 30s is odd. I'd say this regardless of sex.

How old is your child?

If one of my kids started dating an older person with a kid while they were mid 20s I'd think it was a real shame. (I would say anything but I would THINK it)

StrawberryWater · 27/03/2023 21:11

I opened this expecting to see that you were 50 and he was 20. 🤣

Personally I wouldn’t date a younger man as I find them ick but you do you. 37 and 26 is not a large age gap and as long as you’re both happy it’s ok.

Wine4whine · 27/03/2023 21:32

I'm 36 and my DP is 49 this year. We have a DD5 and a fantastic relationship.

He does look young for his age though and I'm definitely the grown up mentally 🤣

Antiquiteas · 27/03/2023 21:48

Im gutted I didn’t meet him when we would both be 25 to be honest

Well, he’d have been 14, so…

Antiquiteas · 27/03/2023 21:49

I'm 9 years older than DH. I was 38 and he was 29 when we met. I was already a grandmother and couldn't have another child

Blimey. A step grandfather at 29.

Workinghardeveryday · 27/03/2023 21:53

@Kittykat9070 it totally boils down to how much you love each.

8.5 years between dp and myself. I am older.

15 years together in 2 weeks. 3 kids, 2 of which are twins.

The age gap has only ever at times been my issue.

Workinghardeveryday · 27/03/2023 21:54

Antiquiteas · 27/03/2023 21:49

I'm 9 years older than DH. I was 38 and he was 29 when we met. I was already a grandmother and couldn't have another child

Blimey. A step grandfather at 29.

And?

Stormydanielss · 27/03/2023 22:08

My husband was 10 years younger than me, he passed away aged 29. We loved the same things and were the best of friends. Don't let things stand in the way of any happiness. Grab it with both hands. Years later I'm now with my partner who is 11 years older. Age Has made no difference in my life

Original poster

Kittykat9070 · 28/03/2023 08:20

@Antiquiteas

Its says ‘when we would BOTH be 25’

OP posts:

Original poster

Kittykat9070 · 28/03/2023 08:22

its honestly made me feel so much better reading all your posts- thank you!
So many positive stories! For those asking, my child is 4.
I’m going to go with it, and see how things go. Will update the thread with how it goes!

OP posts:

Ringmaster27 · 28/03/2023 08:23

I don’t think that gap is that big in the grand scheme of things.
My ex-dp is 15 years older than me (I was in my 20’s, him in his 40’s when we got together). There was a myriad of reasons why our relationship didn’t work out in the long run, but the age gap was not one of them.

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