A large age gap, me being the oldest- is it wrong it can it work?

[Kittykat9070]

Ok I’m prepared to get flamed.

Ive met a guy, I’m 37 he’s 26 - I like him, I really do. We get on so well and I really enjoy spending time with him.

Im gutted I didn’t meet him when we would both be 25 to be honest. The only thing that will ruin this at the moment is how my head works.. Im just worried about years down the line and I know I shouldn’t do that..

So, do you or anyone you know have a large age gap and it’s worked out? Or am I kidding myself?

Looks wise, we don’t look like there’s a massive age gap - I’m not saying I look 25! More that he looks older. I do look a bit younger than I am but that won’t last forever!!

Any positive stories or am I being totally unreasonable to carry this relationship on?

I'd say the only issue is children - you don't really have many years left so if either of you aren't ready then it could be tricky if e.g. he wants them.

But I agree that other than that the issues will be in your head. I know a few women with big gaps and they all seem to worry a lot about looking young/ their appearance. I guess many women do anyway, but don't know if that's more of an insecurity with a younger man.

@beastlyslumber who makes up such rules for fully grown adults? People can’t even use the ‘underdeveloped brain’ excuse because he’s 26!

18.5 plus 10 = 28.5

I mean my maths is terrible but I think this is correct!

This is the only problem I could forsee - that you might be ready for children and he might not. If you spend many years with him then it might be too late for you.
However, maybe you don't want children, or already have them, or he wants children.
As far as I'm concerned you're two consenting adults. If you want to be together then why not?

I think it would be rare for it to work long term I’m sorry, you are at very different points in your life. He’s mid twenties and you are staring forty in the face.

As if there's an actual boundary, who set it ? 😂

@RemoteControlDoobry yes but she's saying you have to be YOUNGER than that, which he is. But anyway it's a pointless calculation so it doesn't matter

That’s quite a common age gap. I don’t see anything wrong with it.

I guess the only issue would be children, if you want to and he wants to, and whether he would be ready for that very soon.

There's nothing 'wrong' with what you're doing. If he makes you happy, I say go for it.

DBro is 29 and SIL is 41 - they’ve just had a baby. That said, their relationship is pretty toxic imo so not sure if that helps.

The “rule” is half your age plus seven, not ten. For those asking, it was a Victorian rule found in various relationship manuals and guidebooks 😂

Thank you all so much- I was honestly expecting to get flamed and told it was wrong.

im going to just try not over think and enjoy his company. Let’s face it, the older men I’ve been with didn’t exactly turn out great!
He really is making me very happy, and it takes a lot for me to like someone and feel a chemistry with them.

Yes it can work but I think you need to be on the same page and very honest about what you both want. If he wants a family, how many kids and how soon?

Well if ye are both happy together I really don't see the issue at all.

As has been said above only issue is potential kids but it sounds like ye have discussed that

Be careful. When he's older he might want kids and then he will leave you for dust.

I’d just be concerned that he’d want to have kids in 5-10 years time.

you're both grown adults in possession of all your faculties, so I don't see how it could be wrong.

As others have said the obvious issue in 10 years time might be babies.

President Macron seems to be very happy with his older wife, and Hugh Jackman is 13 years older than his wife.

In both sides of my family,nearly all the women are several years older than their husbands. I think it helps because men seem to reach ‘pipe and slippers’ stage quicker than women.

I’m in my early 50s and DP is 20 years younger.
we have been together 3 years and get on well, he never wants kids.

My opinion is this. This is an obstacle rather than something that smoothes the way.
The main obstacle is this. If he wants an attempt at a biological child he has to basically decide now, at 26, and that's generally quite young for a guy.
A long term relationship could be possible despite of this, but this will depend on your personalities and how you grow together.

The same could be said for any number of variables in a relationship. You might think that having a great 5/6 year relationship is positive even though you aren't compatible long term. I think that if you go into it thinking that it's forever, then you might easily get hurt.

I don’t think that’s a big age gap. People of the same age can be vastly different. My only thought would be if you want children together it would need to be sooner rather than later - and knowing he understands that.

Thank you so much for your replies, I actually have a child already so no massive urge for children from me. He definitely would like a family, and he seems very mature- more so than older guys I’ve dated!

This is the main issue. I was with someone who was 12 years younger than me. Long story. But aside from his parents and friends being really against the age gap relationship, the major issue was that he wanted to have a family and while he didn't want a family at 25, by the time he was nearing 30 he suddenly decided he did and I didn't want a family. So for that, and many other reasons (he was a shitbag basically) we broke up.

So yes, I do think it can work and it can be fun and a fulfilling relationship, but you might find that the issue of having children raises its head at some point. At 26 he might not be ready to have them now, with you, and in a few years time when he is ready you are potentially too old and maybe don't want to, and then you have a problem.
Enjoy it while it's good, but prepare that there might be unsolvable issues later.

I don't think it's THAT big an age gap! It wouldn't be even commented on if the sexes were reversed.

I think age gap r/s DO become an issue where there's two decades plus between partners... I've beem close to 5 people who are with people around 20 years age gap..

Two of the women with much older partners broke up when the bloke wanted to retire /play golf and go on saga hols, when the woman was just peaking in her career. (both long established r/s 15 years plus).

The women with much younger partners are still going strong... They're aligned on kids luckily.

The age gap wouldn’t bother me but although it’s sexist I do think men tend to be more immature than women and in a couple of years you might see a big difference in your ages.

I know people with age gaps (one way bigger) and they have incredible relationships.
Its just a couple when there is a big age gap that now they’re getting older they’re starting to struggle as one wants to just stay in and relax whilst the other wants to go out and party still.

I think differences can occur with any relationship though and it’s not solely based on age.

If you’re having fun then carry on.
It may last for the rest of your lives or it may last for a few days, just have fun finding out.

The real issue is that you are saying he wants children. You are happy as you have a child. I know a few couples where one wanted children and the other didn't and truthfully it did seem to cause sadness in the end. I mean there is no compromise on that is there? And another couple with a similar age gap and the man started playing away. He wasn't very experienced sexually and started to feel he was missing out. Clearly that can happen anyway, but I think it was that they weren't on the same page but in the rush of first passion hadn't realised.