To be upset I didn't defend my son?

[Theepissedoff]

Hi all,

I went to a soft play yesterday with my 2 year old son. He's got a rare chromosome disorder which causes developmental delays, intellectual disability and we believe he is on the ASD spectrum.

He's a big lad too, cannot walk and is non verbal.

Anyway we were at the soft play and I was with him, helping and playing with him and then this little girl who was probably a similar aged to him came up to play but she got really close to him which sadly he doesn't like and he pushed her so I told him off and moved him away but this little girl wouldn't give up unfortunately she approached him 5 or 6 times with the same happening him pushing her away, me telling him off and moving him away.

By the time he really had enough and really pushed her away so she fell and started crying and all of a sudden her mum came rushing up having a go at me so I apologised and explained my son's disability and that he didn't understand and she responded with " Well if it acts like that maybe you shouldn't bring it out" and I was too stunned to speak I couldn't believe she just called my son an IT and I wish I would have confronted her and asked why she didn't help earlier when he daughter was following my son around with him increasingly getting distressed but I was just so upset that I took him and left.

I don't agree with her calling my son an IT but maybe she's right and I shouldn't take him out because he doesn't understand a lot - I just feel like a shit mum and I don't really know what I'm suppose to do with him. We've got all the referrals and I try my best for him and he needs to also go to places where he can play and have a nice time but usually people will leave him alone and he's fine... I don't know it's really hard having a SEN child and trying to keep everyone happy. I just feel like I've let him down.

She's a disgrace OP, you and your son we're having a perfectly nice time and were repeatedly hassled by her kid. If anyone didn't have control of their child in this situation, it was her.
And don't feel bad about what you could/should/wish you'd said - nobody is ever prepared for that kind of aggression and people rarely have a great comeback ready to go.
She's disgusting, and definitely not a valuable enough person or opinion to make you feel like you should curtail yours or your son's fun days out. I hope you're ok.

He’s far better off with you as his mum than that poor little girl is.

What that woman said is despicable and entirely wrong.

I’m just old enough to remember when it was unusual to see many disabled people out and about (early childhood). Thank god those times are behind us and everyone’s life is richer for that.

Hurtful things will continue to happen occasionally, my DD2 is very visibly disabled and every time my heart and stomach plummets to my boots, my eyes sting with tears and my throat tightens, but DD2 leads a rich and varied life and the little children who see her and ask me “Why does she…X? or whatever (I don’t mind this) - will grow up used to seeing people with disabilities around them in real life and on their tv screens and see them as just another person. Unless they are unfortunate enough to have a mother as bigoted as the one who said that.

Don't blame yourself for freezing 💐

Don't beat yourself up. It shows how uneducated she is and one day it'll all come back around. Keep doing what you're doing but next time don't be afraid to speak up x

I've been in similar situations. Of course you should take your son out. He has as much right to attend sessions, learn, enjoy and engage as any other child. You didn't leave him, you were managing the situation whilst being hindered because this women wasn't watching her child.

I'm so sorry that someone said that about your son. That is horrible and of course he has every right to enjoyment and fun as any other child.

While what the mum did was inexcusable I will add though that you might need to be a little more aware of other children's comprehension too as I don't think the average 2 year old would understand why they were being pushed away and probably wouldn't understand if you tried to explain to them. Obviously this little girls mum should have been keeping a closer eye on her but maybe next time don't let it get to the point he might hurt another child (as unfortunately you cant rely on all kids having attentive parents). If something similar happens try moving your son to another part of the softplay or finding the other child's parents to ask them to intervene.

All of a sudden her mum came rushing up having a go at me so I apologised and explained my son's disability

See, where you went wrong there was apologising and explaining. She was being a shit parent not supervising her child while her child was harassing a disabled child, and she is completely in the wrong here.

You could have shouted back at her to parent her fucking child, stop her kid poking at disabled children, and if she can’t be bothered getting off her phone and doing any parenting these are the consequences.

(That’s just to give you an idea of the spectrum of acceptable responses here - I’d probably have fallen somewhere in the middle, but you wouldn’t have been wrong to kick off at her either, and plenty would have done).

Yanbu - The other woman was awful If her child is unable to observe social cues and not harrass other people when they refuse her attention then the mother should stay with her child in the soft play to monitor and correct her child's behaviour.

The other mother behaved appallingly. She should've been watching her child long before that.
Please keep taking your son out and do not let people like get to you

You’ll speak up next time. You will. You’ll be more prepared for it and remember the anger this woman caused you too:.

I’ve been there.

you’re amazing / keep taking your child out! Keep being his advocate. You are doing well xx 💐

You should have asked her to manage her child. You need to get tougher and advocate for your son, you don’t have the luxury to be nice all the time.

That child will never learn to keep out of other people's business, will she with THAT as a mother

THe other was out of line and you should absolutely take your son out but both of these kids are two. As the present adult, you shouldn't let your son just push her repeatedly each time she came near until he knocked her over. You can position your self or the child so you can be between the kids or move him away when you see her coming. Just letting your toddler kid push another toddler kid 5 or 6 times while you watch is a recipe for disaster. The other mother is also at fault as she wasn't watching her two year old but in her absence, as the only responsible adult present, rather than telling him off, you should have prevented the continual pushes of another toddler.

Thank you for everyone's kind responses, I do feel a little bit better now.

To the previous PP I don't let me son push other children but this little girl was relentless (because as you've said she's 2) I moved my son each time I saw her coming but she'd go around me or move so she could get to him and I'm sorry but as I've mentioned my son has disabilities so I was watching and concentrating on him. I probably could have handled it better and hopefully next time I will as I'm sure it won't be the last unkind word I get but I don't want anyone to think I just let my son do whatever he wants because that's not the case.

He's fucking 2. Even WITHOUT any developmental delays his behaviour is within the realms of normal. And so long as you addressed (which you did) you did absolutely everything right. No sane person would have had a go at a toddler for pushing another child who got in their space. If he'd set fire to the girls hair or kicked her cat I would have understood, but in these circumstances, she's just a royal twat.

What a piece of shit. How dare she. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such an ignorant cow.

This! I'm a teacher so I find I do this quite naturally without thinking! (Have had a few gobshite parents take umbridge... usually ones that are sat a mile away from their kids with no idea what's actually going on..)

There are always arseholes around. Sorry that she was so vile to you. Some parents are just useless at looking after their children. Unfortunately with a mother like that the daughter will probably grow up into an arsehole.

She should be supervising her, they are only 2. This really annoys me and thankfully my daughter is 12 now so no more soft play but parents treat them like babysitting. They dump their kids and go and have a coffee, I've hissed at quite a few kids over the years as there own parents can't be bothered to supervise.

no, she’s a crap parent, she wasn’t interested in intervening until her child started to cry. She wasn’t remotely bothered that your child was distressed by her child following him around. She’s a nasty piece of work and the one who shouldn’t go out with an attitude like that.

This. Do not stop taking your son out he has every right to access those spaces. If that mother had been parenting her child the incident wouldn't have happened. The child wanted to play with your son, which is lovely, but you needed to say ' I'm sorry but he just wants to play on his own / with me, please leave him alone'. rather than remove him from the environment block the child's access to him, and if child won't leave him alone then ask for staff to help.

You did nothing wrong. Big hugs to you and your son.

I worked in a soft play when I was a student. My manager would have kicked her out and she would be banned from any more sessions.

That sort of way of speaking is more coming than you want to believe; people can’t be really nasty and ignorant. My manager didn’t stand for it at all and they were out on their ear.

You did nothing wrong and being confronted with such inhuman treatment towards your child would have been shocking. Do not blame yourself for not speaking back; she would likely have escalated and it would have been more upsetting for you.

Well said.

The "it" crap is her being horrid and spiteful.

You could stay at home at all day and night - but people like that will still.be ignorant and rude. It won't change anything except you and your child will be even more miserable.

Go out to.the activities you feel comfy and able to manage. Ignore the nasties. They are every fucking where. But thankfully there's decent people too.

Lots of parents don't give a stuff about their kids until they start crying. That girls mum needs her eyes prodding. Please keep taking yoyr little man out, he needs to experience the world.

Bless you both x