To wonder whether to tell friend her DD is shoplifting?

[Funkyslippers]

A friend of mine's daughter braggs to my DD (both 14) that she shoplifts. Not always cheap stuff either eg £40 worth of makeup that she stuffs in her underwear so the security can't do anything apparently. My DD has obviously told me this in secret but I'd definitely want to know if my kids were breaking the law! Should I tell her? I don't see her very often so she'd probably never know that I know

I would tell the mum

Is this something your dd has seen happen or could this girl be telling tall stories?

My DD hasn't seen it happen but this girl has always been very daring and extremely confident around authority! So I think it probably is happening

Yes, tell her, with "it may just be tall tales, but..."
If the child is caught, she could easily end up with a criminal record. Even a caution could then make for problems getting jobs later on.

yes, tell her

No keep out of it. It doesn’t sound like you’re good friends with the mum and you’re dds aren’t close friends either?

Its hearsay. How do you see this playing out?

If shes regularly shop lifting then she’ll be cautioned by the police eventually. Makeup especially higher end brands is all security tagged and linked to alarm systems.

I am good friends with her mum, we tend to catch up for a cuppa every half term. She is the sort of person I could talk to about anything and I feel I can be totally honest with her and vice versa

What does your DD think about this? Is she doing it as well?

I'd tell the Mum, before her DD gets caught.

Sorry to drip feed but she tends to shoplift from Primark. Apparently the security there is crap so they're an easy target. That doesn't excuse it though. My older DD once accidentally walked out with a whole basket of stuff without being caught (she returned it and was highly embarrassed!).

Children are not given criminal records for shop lifting.
Its possible for children aged 12-16 years to go to court for serious crime; that’s incredibly rare- certainly not for nicking mascara.

Shes a minor and police will give her a warning and direct her or the family to teen support services if necessary.

I personally wouldn't say anything.

These kids know their rights and are aware of what they can get away with. I would say something as it could possibly lead on to something else that might lead to a more serious problem.

I didn’t know Primark sold expensive make up.

I still think this is gossip and not something that will be well received by your friend.

If you’re really close and both tell each other everything honestly (as you say) why are you feeling so hesitant?

I don't know, she has a lot on her plate! It's mainly Primark but has stolen from more expensive places too apparently

When children shoplift it's often a symptom of something else going on. I would tell your friend.

Nope say nothing you haven't got any proof either.
The chances your friendship would be over , are very high,if you accuse her child.

Apart from the consequences the girl would face is she were caught do you see any other scenario in which this could go left. i.e. If you told her and she then said to her daughter "miniSlippers's daughter told me you've been shoplifting, is there any truth to this?" Cue huge fallout between the girls, which may spread to their wider friendship group, your dd becomes a 'grass' and ostracised? Whilst your friendship with the mother deteriorates because you've essentially called her daughter a thief.

I would be worried about the repercussions for your DD if branded a snitch. Is she ok with you breaking her confidence and is there any way to tip the mum off anonymously?

This is how I think it’ll play out.
You tell mum what you’ve heard.
She confronts her dd
dd denies it
Her dd then has a big problem with your daughter and gives her grief at school

@DojaPhat sorry cross post! What you said 😂

No I wouldn't say anything. Your daughter told you in confidence and has no real evidence other than her friend bragging.

You say your friend had a lot on her plate? Perhaps she’s struggling already with her dd’s behaviour? She might even know about the shoplifting.

It might be better to just be a good friend to her? Start a conversation about general difficulties parenting teen girls, be sympathetic if she opens up.

Im not sure what your opinion of her dd is but it’s very common for her age group to steal make up from big stores. That’s why the security guards keep a close eye on teens in the make up aisle and have cameras there.

It’s a phase usually, they get a scare when caught and grow out of it. A lot of young teens are very impulsive and don’t think.

Tbh I think the girl has probably told many of her friends and probably doesn't do it alone. So it wouldn't get back to my DD if I told my friend not to mention my DD

Shoplifting would probably result in stern words / caution from police. And it would be recorded on police database as a potential welfare concern in case the child comes to attention of police again in future. Shoplifting can be a sign of wider problems

If you're not comfortable mentioning to the parent, I'd be tempted to make an anonymous call to police, social work or school

If you're not comfortable mentioning to the parent, I'd be tempted to make an anonymous call to police, social work or school

I like this approach. If you aren't comfortable mentioning it to her mum, your friend, then instead of letting it go you should do something which would make the situation infinitely worse. Honestly, who needs enemies!