Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To wonder whether to tell friend her DD is shoplifting?

47 replies

Funkyslippers · 26/03/2023 17:46

A friend of mine's daughter braggs to my DD (both 14) that she shoplifts. Not always cheap stuff either eg £40 worth of makeup that she stuffs in her underwear so the security can't do anything apparently. My DD has obviously told me this in secret but I'd definitely want to know if my kids were breaking the law! Should I tell her? I don't see her very often so she'd probably never know that I know

OP posts:

SmileyClare · 26/03/2023 19:33

What does your dd think? She told you this in secret probably assuming you would keep her confidence.

You could broach this with your friend in broader terms. Eg I’ve heard a few of the girls in the year group are shoplifting when they meet up in town..it’s a worry isn’t it?

In other words, drawing her attention to a potential issue without accusing her dd of being a thief.

KateAusten · 26/03/2023 19:46

I'd leave her to it, she'll get caught eventually

MorganKitten · 26/03/2023 20:13

Funkyslippers · 26/03/2023 18:23

Sorry to drip feed but she tends to shoplift from Primark. Apparently the security there is crap so they're an easy target. That doesn't excuse it though. My older DD once accidentally walked out with a whole basket of stuff without being caught (she returned it and was highly embarrassed!).

After the Kingston security exchanging sexual favours when catching shoplifters and being charged, they tend to turn a blind eye.

justsoembarrassing · 26/03/2023 20:14

I think the issue is that your daughter has told you in confidence. If you break that confidence she may not tell you anything else!

Angeldelight50 · 26/03/2023 20:21

I think above suggestion to contact police/social work is a bit strong.. she’s stealing from Primark, not mugging grannies!

I would stay out of it, I remember lots of girls in high school shoplifting. I’m not excusing her but it is likely just a phase and not her introduction to crime bossery.

determinedtomakethiswork · 26/03/2023 20:23

I would be incredibly upset if someone knew that about my daughter and didn't say anything to me, particularly if we were friends.

Sometimeswinning · 26/03/2023 20:24

justsoembarrassing · 26/03/2023 20:14

I think the issue is that your daughter has told you in confidence. If you break that confidence she may not tell you anything else!

This! I'm at a loss as to why you would betray her confidence. There will be a time she will need you but won't trust you. Don't throw it away on some silly shoplifter who will eventually get caught or grow out of it.

girlfriend44 · 26/03/2023 21:37

I was in a shop.last week and saw some teenage girls get apprehended. Of course they all blamed each other and one of the mums was called to the store.
One of the girls was crying.
Deffo tell her mum. She will be caught eventually anyway.
It also puts the price up for everyone else.
Also someone might ask her how she would like it if she was running a business and people stole from her.
She sounds like she needs help.

DevantMaJardin · 26/03/2023 21:39

@SmileyClare you're so invested in this thread, it reads like you might be the DD??

caringcarer · 26/03/2023 21:57

I'd tell her so she could put a stop to it.

SmileyClare · 26/03/2023 21:59

DevantMaJardin · 26/03/2023 21:39

@SmileyClare you're so invested in this thread, it reads like you might be the DD??

Am I ? Ha you’ve rumbled me 😂

I’m not defending the shoplifting dd I just think it’s best to react in a more measured way with these sorts of things.

I don’t think talk of a group of 14 year olds nicking make up requires huge drama, angst, anonymous tip offs to the police ( they wouldn’t be at all interested or follow that up) or throwing around ideas of criminal records.

Ive got three older kids and have been through the teen phase with them all.

I agree with the comment about respecting teens sharing things with you in confidence. Particularly something like this.

It’s so important teens feel respected and their opinion valued- that they can trust a parent won’t overreact if they talk to you about what’s going in in their lives.

Frozen9 · 26/03/2023 22:27

I’d say if there were a way of not dragging your DD into it.

I was a shit for it when I was younger. I was caught eventually because it moved on to money from my parents wallets. Unfortunately we were pretty poor (yet I had no real concept of how poor we were) and my dad couldn’t afford his meds.

I mean I got a right rollicking to the point I never ever did such a thing again.

Lindy2 · 26/03/2023 23:01

If it was my child doing the shoplifting I'd want to know. It would give me the chance to talk to her about it being wrong.

Would you want to know if it was your daughter?

Rather than face to face which puts everyone on the spot, I'd suggest a text message along the lines of "I'm not sure of all the details but apparently x mentioned to DD that she'd recently shoplifted some things from Primark. I just thought you'd want to know in case you want to talk to her about it".

Information passed on in a helpful and non dramatic way. The child's mum can process the information privately and decide what she wants to do.

KievLoverTwo · 26/03/2023 23:21

I went through a phase of shoplifting makeup when I was about 14. I think it only lasted a month. Not sure it’s worth you losing her confidence if it’s just a small phase.

If it escalates and becomes risky or continues a long time, I would maybe reconsider.

Teenagers experiment with all kinds of daft behaviour.

Bleachmycloths · 27/03/2023 05:48

The messenger often gets shot. No, I wouldn’t tell her but I’d advise your daughters to avoid her in future. And if the shoplifting comes out in the open later, don’t admit that you knew all along.

Stinkysock · 27/03/2023 06:34

MorganKitten · 26/03/2023 20:13

After the Kingston security exchanging sexual favours when catching shoplifters and being charged, they tend to turn a blind eye.

Show quote history

he was done for multiple rapes and one underage.

NashvilleQueen · 27/03/2023 06:54

I would find a way to tell her and as the mum I would 100% want to know. I wouldn't tell the police or social services before the girl's mum especially given that you've no reason to think there's a wider issue.

Can you tell her without mentioning your daughter? Maybe another mum has mentioned it in confidence? So name a specific 'source' that isn't your daughter but don't give a name. I think the info would be of such concern that most people wouldn't dwell too much on how you've come to know but want to deal with the information you've passed on.

EggBlanket · 27/03/2023 07:02

Turnipworkharder · 26/03/2023 18:37

Nope say nothing you haven't got any proof either.
The chances your friendship would be over , are very high,if you accuse her child.

This is nonsense. She’s not accusing anyone without evidence. The child literally said she was shoplifting. If it turns out not to be true then it’s a lesson in not lying.

However, I would worry about how this would effect your daughters friendship. It will be obvious that it came from your daughter.

SmileyClare · 27/03/2023 08:04

This child is extremely confident around authority

Sometimes teens need to learn there are bigger consequences than being told off by your mum or teacher.

Don’t involve yourself.
Let her have her collar felt by security and be embarrassed in front of her friends.
Police will tell her off and phone her mum.

Thats a more valuable life lesson for a 14 year old who’s out in the big world wide thinking she’s a sassy gangster.

hotdiggetydog · 27/03/2023 08:16

Do. Not. Grass.

NashvilleQueen · 27/03/2023 08:36

The older she gets the more serious the consequences for her if she gets caught.

Do people really think it's 'grassing' to tell a parent that their child is regularly committing a criminal offence? I get the breach of trust risk between the OP and her DD but sometimes a safeguarding concern has to outweigh that. There is a way to manage the information so that the trust is retained but the parent knows what's happening. And I would want to know as a parent without question.

OnaBegonia · 27/03/2023 08:51

Other than Primark most places have make up security tagged, Boots for example have strips on all of theirs.

Flip

1 2