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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Trip with a friend -AIBU accomodation question

59 replies

Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 14:40

First AIBU, please go easy!

So DFriend and I are going on a short trip.
I have found a really lovely homestay option but she likes her own room when travelling.

If DF doesnt want to stay in homestay AIBU to stay there anyway and let her source her own accomodation?

The alternative is we go back to the drawing board and look for apartment or guesthouse together.Homestay is free whereas other accomodation likely to be pricey.

IABU - I need to suck it up and forgo homestay option so we can stay together on trip.

IANBU- I can opt for homestay which works for me and leave her to make her own accom arrangements.

I have been in correspondence with the homestay host who seems delightful.

AIBU?

OP posts:
eish · 26/03/2023 14:44

Find something that suits you both together. If you cannot afford any accommodation than I’m not sure you should be going away as you should have planned / sorted this.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 14:46

Hell would freeze over before I stayed in a stranger's home, so I'm with your friend on this one.

If you can't afford to go, just be upfront about it and plan something else for another time.

rookiemere · 26/03/2023 14:47

I wouldn't be terribly keen on a home stay sharing a room, and would prefer my own accommodation. Staying separately would really only work if you're relatively close to each other.

I don't know the answer, I've found organising trips with friends progressively more stressful as we get older, as everyone has their own requirements.

Has she found any hotels to show you ?

Original poster
Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 14:49

No, I've done the planning so far, booked tickets for the event we are attending.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/03/2023 14:51

Are there hotels next to the venue, and is it a short stay? If so separate accommodation might work. I'd be a bit miffed if I was the friend though, I'd prefer us to be in the same place, and I wouldn't be overly keen on a home stay.

sonjadog · 26/03/2023 14:51

Is it at trip that you are doing together, or are you just going to be in the same place at the same time? If it is the former, I think it is a bit odd to be staying in different places.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 14:51

Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 14:49

No, I've done the planning so far, booked tickets for the event we are attending.

The planning isn't so great if you haven't already sourced/agreed upon accomodations before you bought the tickets.

titchy · 26/03/2023 14:54

So you can't actually afford the weekend away? Did you let your friend know before she agreed to come with you that funds were tight and you'd be looking for free accommodation? If you didn't then I'd be pissed off I'm afraid. Part of the enjoyment of going away is having your own room and not have to tiptoe round other people.

Original poster
Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 14:56

It's 3 nights and because of demand for accomodation i have heard hotels are overpriced/disappointing.

I can afford to pay but have done homestay before and had really good experiences.

Not everyones cup of tea I know.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 14:58

Don't you think you should have told your friend from the very beginning that you wanted to use a homestay before you even started planning? All of this could have been avoided.

Original poster
Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 15:01

I mentioned in a text I had sourced home exchange accomodation that could suit us.

We haven't talked it through yet.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 26/03/2023 15:05

You need to find something that suits you both or cancel the trip. It is badly planned altogether. Why did you suggest this when you knew she liked her own room. Staying in a stranger's house No thanks,

rookiemere · 26/03/2023 15:06

Can you do a quick booking.com check and see what is actually available and what the costs are?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/03/2023 15:06

Book your own and she can book her own...

Gerwurtztraminer · 26/03/2023 15:10

I'm a bit puzzled about the Homestay option. Is your friend not keen because the two of you would have to share a room? Or would you have separate rooms but she doesn't want to stay in someone's home?

Because if it means sharing a room I think that's fair enough, I wouldn't be prepared to do that either as I need privacy.

I'm also not clear why it's free - why would people have total strangers to stay for free? That would make me feel a bit uncomfortable as well.

If you are price sensitive then sounds best you keep looking for something affordable where you can stay together. It would be very odd to split up if you are attending the same event and if I was your friend I'd find that very strange. If you really are very short of money I think you need to decide a budget, tell her what you can afford and you both look for something suitable.

Ducklips71 · 26/03/2023 15:13

You've only 'heard' accommodation is pricey, even though you're the one doing the planning? So you're basically saying you've only looked at homestay options, ignoring your 'friend's' preference?
If she went ahead and paid out for her own accommodation, a nice apartment, say, for three days, you'd be happy to go back to your own homestay each evening and not expect her to invite you over to spend time in her spacious, independent, personal place?
Sorry to be harsh, but I think I'd drop out if I were your friend, or just go ahead and make my own arrangements with another friend and if I bumped into you at the event, nice coincidence, 👋

Original poster
Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 15:17

Had a look at booking.com, cheapest two bedroom apartment is €1000 so 500 each.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/03/2023 15:18

I wouldn’t want to do home stay either tbh

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2023 15:19

Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 15:17

Had a look at booking.com, cheapest two bedroom apartment is €1000 so 500 each.

For three nights that's totally reasonable.

CantAskAnyoneElse · 26/03/2023 15:21

What does homestay mean?
A stranger? Someone you know?

AlisonDonut · 26/03/2023 15:21

What is a home stay? Like an Airbnb sofa surf type thing?

Reinventinganna · 26/03/2023 15:24

500 each for three nights is good

Ducklips71 · 26/03/2023 15:25

You should have discussed cost, expectations etc before agreeing to go. By refusing to share accommodation costs, you might be forcing your friend to pull out altogether if she can't afford to pay to go solo. Why don't you just contact her discuss what you both want, financial limitations, and try come to a compromise. It rather sounds like you've already made your mind up and won't be prepared to budge

burnoutbabe · 26/03/2023 15:26

What about 2 hotel rooms. Usually cheaper than a 2 room apartment. Or a 1 bed with sofa bed in lounge?

If she wants her own hotel room then you may as well stay at the free home stay anyway.

Original poster
Mitsouko67 · 26/03/2023 15:27

Homestay is a bit like home exchange but the host hosts guests while they are at home.

Tend to be middle aged people with their own homes who like to travel frequently and can't afford to pay for accomodation every time.

It's an exchange based on hospitality and goodwill.

OP posts: