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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Entire extended families at soft play/trampoline parks and the like

231 replies

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 26/03/2023 11:00

Why? I don't get it. Am in a trampoline park at the minute letting my two blow off some steam and there are multiple families here with mum, dad, gran, grandad on both sides, auntie, uncle ect ect all with one (if we're honest, too small to be here) child.

Why? I don't get it. They do it at swimming lessons too when your trying to get your kids in and out clogging up the changing rooms.

OP posts:
Bababear987 · 26/03/2023 15:50

GoodChat · 26/03/2023 15:34

The soft play where we used to live did a valentines event so parents with no childcare could still have a date night. They put on special food and everything. I thought it was cute.

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It is cute and ignore all the misery guts on this post who honestly sound like they cba with their families or spouses. "I wouldn't go for a coffee with my husband at soft play" 🤣

Apparently at soft play you are categorically not allowed to enjoy the event at all.

According to this post you must sit silently seathing and wish for it to be over. You should be outraged at families or couples who enjoy/make the most of soft play. You must be appalled at a couple having a coffee whilst their children safely play.
Ideally only one parent is allowed to go (as otherwise it would be controlling and weird to sit in a public place and have a coffee with your loved one) and you must assume because a family is out at soft play together that they dont do anything else as a family.

My reply is tongue in cheek obviously but I'm just shocked at the way people on this post are behaving. Someone earlier actually suggested one parent take the kids out and the other blitz the house but to go together is weird- why is it weird to want to do this?

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 26/03/2023 15:54

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 11:52

I expect they are going to the supermarket next. Obviously if child gets injured they will all go to A and E.

😆😆well, they have to have something to put on facebook or risk disappointing their hundreds of followers.

Truckinghell · 26/03/2023 15:56

Servole · 26/03/2023 15:33

I think that we should discuss the phenomenon of the 'soft play cage' within the context of dialectical change.

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😂

And @CremeEggThief I'm a single parent to an only child and a child of only children so...no, I simply don't have enough family to annoy people at soft play or anywhere else. Nice try though 😉

Tighginn · 26/03/2023 15:57

Co-dependent families, where everyone else is the problem, drives me mad.

Bababear987 · 26/03/2023 15:59

Boomboom22 · 26/03/2023 15:32

Eg family climbing session or hike. Nice pub meal with a playground. Visit a castle etc. Family activities.

Why do you assume they dont do those things too?

Maybe this time they just went to soft play, the adults were knackered and wanted a coffee and the kids just wanted to be kids and play....

Maybe they hiked the length of england the previous weekend, they camped in every forest park around, they have exhausted every castle in Britain and played in every park that the great british weather allowed

maybe this particular day they just wanted to let the kids play and have a coffee with their spouse (how utterly bizarre of them, they should immediately throw the coffee in the bin and provide something more high brow for the children to enjoy)

Jesus get off your high horse taking the kids to soft play doesnt mean anything

WeightoftheWorld · 26/03/2023 16:04

Is it possible the extended family aren't local? In general I agree I don't understand this, however we have extended family that live a 3hr drive away that we only see a few times a year as a result. Last time we went to visit them, we all went for a day out to a museum for example. The location was basically chosen to entertain our two little ones who are the only kids. So it was two kids under 5, with then both of us parents, and 4 additional adults of extended family. Granted a touristy attraction like that is different from a soft play, but I can definitely forsee a situation in which we could possibly all go to one. It will keep the kids occupied and happy rather than all sitting in someones house, and ultimately the adults can alternate spending time with the kids and sitting chatting and having drinks like they would in a cafe anyway, except my kids wouldn't be happy to spend 1.5-2hrs in a cafe with nothing to do.

Things like swimming lessons or whatever, no, I can't understand that. The A&E example made me chuckle too, actually last time we were visiting my family, I had to take my 1yo to A&E, and there was a huge entire family there, all eating takeaway chips in the waiting room at 9.30am in the morning. I tried very hard not to stare - I was just so curious!

AnnaTortoiseshell · 26/03/2023 16:08

What’s wrong with going to a place, designed for families, with… your family?! My extended family visit from the other side of the world. They are often here for a week or so at a time. Should we not do things for the DC while they’re here?

Mumsnet can be a funny place. Apoplectic at the very idea of taking children to a restaurant, and now they also shouldn’t be at a soft play except under very specific circumstances. Where are children allowed to go, with their families?

Sirzy · 26/03/2023 16:26

I think some people struggle with the idea that different families have different dynamics.

I grew up in a family where we all met up for caravan holidays and the likes - my grandparents had a caravan which was sited and us and three aunts/uncles and children would all meet up there. Sometimes one sometimes all. It was great. We all did our own things but came together and enjoyed each others company.

as an adult now I am very close to my sister and my parents. We do things together as an extended family. It’s great. We still all do our own things but we love the time together.

other families don’t have the same dynamic and that’s fine too as long as everyone is happy. It’s not a situation of right or wrong it’s what works for the family

Trixielo · 26/03/2023 16:28

Bernadinetta · 26/03/2023 11:17

There’s a family at my DD’s swimming lesson and every single week the mum, the dad, the grandma, the grandad and the younger brother all come to watch the girl’s swimming lesson. It is not a large pool and there is a viewing window with one row of seats along in front of it. Every week all five of them sit along the viewing window completely oblivious to those of us who don’t get a seat where we can watch the lesson, it’s unreal.

Why don’t you bring it to their attention?

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:40

I don't see anything wrong with a big family gathering but there's a time and a place.

GoodChat · 26/03/2023 16:43

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:40

I don't see anything wrong with a big family gathering but there's a time and a place.

Yeah like child friendly activities with plenty of space on a weekend...

lailamaria · 26/03/2023 16:47

'nick all the café chairs' i'm sorry that's so funny you're not more entitled to them just because it's just you watching your dc

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:48

GoodChat · 26/03/2023 16:43

Yeah like child friendly activities with plenty of space on a weekend...

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Child friendly activities are for children, not a rabble of extra adults.

GoodChat · 26/03/2023 16:50

Then why is the café so big, if they don't expect lots of customers @WhatNoRaisins?

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:52

In my experience they aren't. Usually just enough room for two adults per child at most I'd say. Can't comment on every soft play in the country.

Truckinghell · 26/03/2023 16:52

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:48

Child friendly activities are for children, not a rabble of extra adults.

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You can't expect other people to abide by rules you invent in your own head.

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:54

I'm not the boss of anyone. Just find it annoying if I can't find a table or seat because a load of adults with nothing better to do want to follow little Johnny around to soft play or A&E.

Original poster
Lordofthebutterfloofs · 26/03/2023 16:55

I do love mumsnet and how people read emotions into posts that are not there.

I said I didn't understand it, not that I was angry or filled with hatred for them.

They're annoying and get in the way and I don't understand it because as a previous poster stated, I do not have that family dynamic in that we are in each others pockets constantly. So it's odd to me.

And no, trust me, the trampoline park. Is not in an area where people have family flung across the country. Trust me 😂 maybe across the other side of the estate.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 26/03/2023 16:55

WhatNoRaisins · 26/03/2023 16:52

In my experience they aren't. Usually just enough room for two adults per child at most I'd say. Can't comment on every soft play in the country.

Op has already confirmed in the case she is complaining about the cafe was big enough. Unfortunately she doesn’t seem to like noise at a trampolining place which is probably a slight issue

LittleBearPad · 26/03/2023 17:12

Trampoline parks are loud, chaotic and generally incredibly bright. No one goes there for a catch up unless they want to mishear every sentence.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 26/03/2023 17:29

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 26/03/2023 16:55

I do love mumsnet and how people read emotions into posts that are not there.

I said I didn't understand it, not that I was angry or filled with hatred for them.

They're annoying and get in the way and I don't understand it because as a previous poster stated, I do not have that family dynamic in that we are in each others pockets constantly. So it's odd to me.

And no, trust me, the trampoline park. Is not in an area where people have family flung across the country. Trust me 😂 maybe across the other side of the estate.

No I don't think many of these people live far from each other either.

Hoplite · 26/03/2023 17:45

I remember going for an appointment at an infertility clinic. The waiting room was really cramped and dingy. One couple came with both sets of parents. I liked my FIL but couldn't imagine wanting him along for IVF appointments, I think we would both have found it mortifying.

Sirzy · 26/03/2023 17:49

I think people trying to compare a family friendly activity to a hospital waiting room are completely missing the point. The two really aren’t comparable

Bernadinetta · 26/03/2023 17:51

Tiredalwaystired · 26/03/2023 14:28

For my kids, swimming lesson was immediately after church. So we all had to go together as there wasn’t time to take others home first. Could it be something like that?

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The lesson is at 7.30pm on a Monday night and the grandparents arrive and leave in a different car to the parents and two children. So I don’t think it’s a situation like yours.

Bernadinetta · 26/03/2023 17:57

Trixielo · 26/03/2023 16:28

Why don’t you bring it to their attention?

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I don’t know, it just feels too awkward. It can’t have escapes their notice that every other child has just one adult there for the lesson, and that many adults don’t get a seat at the front to watch the lesson while they stretch across the row every week. I’ve said it in my head many times, “excuse me, would it be possible for you to take turns watching the lesson to leave more seats free for other children’s parents?” It’s just too awkward/cringey and seems so petty! So obviously I do the British thing of sitting silently seething 😁 I know others have noticed too as they sometimes roll their eyes/shake their heads. At the end of the lesson my DD always says “were you watching? Did you see me? I couldn’t see you watching” etc