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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To unwind like this?

46 replies

tgeelil · 25/03/2023 16:03

I work a very emotionally taxing and high stress job. Monday to Friday all day I am surrounded by people, talking, listening, giving advice, information sharing etc and deal with some tough situations. I am also a single mum to a nine year old girl.

My weekends are usually very low key. My daughter goes to her dads ever second weekend. On the weekends she is with me we do the usual activities, she'll have friends over, we'll go out walks, cinema, out for dinner etc.

However, on the weekends she goes to her dads. I literally turn my work phone off at 4.30 pm and barely speak to another soul. I will text with friends and my mum but that's about it. On the odd occasion there is a social event I will go, however, I never look forward to it and think of it as ruining my weekend.

Weekends on my own I like to scroll Mumsnet, YouTube, stay in my pyjamas, drink wine at night with a movie, eat nice - often unhealthy food and I don't do much else. It's 4 pm and I am still in my pyjamas with the curtains closed. The thing is I really enjoy it I feel like this is my real recharge.

But there's always an undercurrent of shame and guilt. Like what must my neighbours think of my curtains being closed all day. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong so can't fully enjoy it even though I really look forward to these weekends. My mum thinks it's really odd and often worries I am depressed. I'm genuinely not. I feel like I am 'on' so much, surrounded so much by people, dealing with their problems that this is the only way I really unplug but can't fully appreciate it due to the feeling I am abnormal in some way.

A friend said to me that if she was in the house all weekend without seeing another person she would become depressed. I would too if I spent ALL my weekends like this but I know on Monday I'm back to work, I know I will have my enjoyable, yet busy weekend with my daughter next weekend. So am I okay to just enjoy this relaxation time?

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 25/03/2023 16:05

Sounds like bliss to me.

Changeforachange · 25/03/2023 16:10

You are an adult, and you are allowed to do whatever you like with your free time.

It sounds like you have a full on life & this little break gives you some balance. Nothing unreasonable about that if you are happy.

Reinventinganna · 25/03/2023 16:11

I do similar

Harriyet · 25/03/2023 16:14

I'd like it every now and then but not every other weekend. I'd feel its a bit wasted. But that's because I like meeting friends, eating out, socialising etc. If that's not your thing then that would be a waste of time to you. Its whatever works for you.

If you look back when you're older and regret spending weekends like that and wish you'd have done more/seen more people/made different memories, then now is the time to change it. If you genuinely don't think you'd feel that way then you're doing the right thing that works for you.

tinselvestsparklepants · 25/03/2023 16:15

I'm sure I won't be the only person to mention this but I recommend a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. It's about introverts, who she describes as people who need solitude to recharge (whereas extroverts get their energy from being with others). Sounds like you are a normal introvert doing your thing, regaining your energy. It's not a thing to feel guilty about, it's how you look after yourself between all the 'giving' that you do. Your friends just recharge differently. Don't feel guilty and don't stop, sounds like you've got a great balance going on!

Brieandme · 25/03/2023 16:15

I think I have a similar job and for the same reason I like to spend time at weekends alone, in silence. I'm more likely to go out for a walk in the middle of nowhere, but that's not because I'm being righteous its just because I spend so much time sat down in the week that I get restless if I stay on the couch too long. But I have no energy for small talk or interaction on most weekends, also my work diary is full of appointments so the idea of having something booked on the weekend feels like another appointment, even if it's meant to be a nice one!

It sounds like you might be an introvert as well, in which case it's natural to recharge when you're on your own instead of with people.

ipswichwitch · 25/03/2023 16:18

we’re having a similar weekend - keep being interrupted by DH mithering about us doing nothing and we should maybe take the DC “somewhere” though 🙄

My job is very high stress, and I haven’t been in good health lately. DS1 has been on a school residential this week and is shattered, and DS2 is autistic and needs some low demand time to help him regulate and cope better when he has to do stuff.

I'm pretty fed up of people seemingly trying to make me feel guilty for needing this, there’s nothing abnormal about it and I consider it essential for my own well-being. Enjoy it, I plan to now DH has buggered off to do something “productive”.

cocksstrideintheevening · 25/03/2023 16:20

I'm the same, DH and kids out all day, I have got dressed and wakes the dog but apart from that my arse is making an imprint on the sofa. Currently half watching bank of Dave on Netflix and half reading Mumsnet. I do not intend to move again today.

I do not feel guilty!

youshouldnthaveasked · 25/03/2023 16:20

Sounds lovely

LadyMargaretDevereux · 25/03/2023 16:23

My dh was (very unusually) away for a few days and I went through all the things I might do, people I could see, etc, then went sod it, I'll just slob around with the dog for 2 days and not speak to anyone. Absolutely blissful. So you getting the chance to do this on a regular basis, op - totally understandable.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 25/03/2023 16:26

Sounds great. Nothing wrong with taking time for yourself
As long as you're happy, ignore any comments

thaisweetchill · 25/03/2023 16:30

I wish I was able to do this! Sounds like heaven to me.

I do like socialising but I love lazy days, getting up at whatever time and not having to make myself presentable, binging tv programmes and eating whatever I like! Very hard to do with a 3 year old and partner.

I understand why your mom may think this but that's problem just her being a mom and worrying. Enjoy these weekends I most certainly would and definitely wouldn't judge anyone having them!

Floofbum · 25/03/2023 17:16

I'm the same, but then as a child in the 80s weekends were often downtime at home, (going to the cinema or park was a treat and we very very rarely ate out) so that is how I relax. It's just that now instead of playing in my room with my little ponies, or dancing to Rick Astley, I now potter around my house

To be honest I find the idea that people must constantly be doing something a bit weird and relentless

Americano75 · 25/03/2023 17:39

You crack on, you're doing what's good for you and bugger what anyone else thinks.

Iloveacurry · 25/03/2023 17:45

Sounds lovely! Don’t feel guilty.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 25/03/2023 17:47

Sounds like my weekends and I absolutely love them. Enjoy!

BakedTattie · 25/03/2023 18:07

I’m jealous. Sounds utter perfection

Topaz67 · 25/03/2023 18:17

You sound completely in tune with the needs of your mind and body. Enjoy the respite I’m sure that it gives you the energy to get through the week. You’re giving so much, so taking time for yourself is totally appropriate. Please keep doing it for as long as it makes you and your child happy.

mamabear715 · 25/03/2023 18:19

Enjoy! :-)

Newusernameaug · 25/03/2023 18:19

I only got dressed at 4pm today to walk the dog and am already back in bed! I also feel this, shame and embarrassment but like you I need a day doing nothing, not even getting dressed etc to recharge myself.
Interestingly everyone would say I’m an extrovert - what I do it pick up the energy around people and give more of a buzz / atmosphere at work and lead a lot of people. I think that’s why I need the opposite for down time.

clpsmum · 25/03/2023 18:20

I'm jealous it sounds like heaven

Soproudoflionesses · 25/03/2023 18:22

Sounds like heaven to me and absolutely l would do this!

CremeEggThief · 25/03/2023 18:25

Of course YANBU, but it's extremely annoying that there does seem to be almost a stigma around it, in this life where everything is about rushing around and 'doing' MORE!

Luredbyapomegranate · 25/03/2023 18:26

Sounds good to me.

But, maybe long term could you reduce to 4 days or change to a less emotionally demanding job, as that is a lot of time to sacrifice to re-charging.

BlastedPimples · 25/03/2023 18:38

Sounds perfect to me. Enjoy it.

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