I work a very emotionally taxing and high stress job. Monday to Friday all day I am surrounded by people, talking, listening, giving advice, information sharing etc and deal with some tough situations. I am also a single mum to a nine year old girl.
My weekends are usually very low key. My daughter goes to her dads ever second weekend. On the weekends she is with me we do the usual activities, she'll have friends over, we'll go out walks, cinema, out for dinner etc.
However, on the weekends she goes to her dads. I literally turn my work phone off at 4.30 pm and barely speak to another soul. I will text with friends and my mum but that's about it. On the odd occasion there is a social event I will go, however, I never look forward to it and think of it as ruining my weekend.
Weekends on my own I like to scroll Mumsnet, YouTube, stay in my pyjamas, drink wine at night with a movie, eat nice - often unhealthy food and I don't do much else. It's 4 pm and I am still in my pyjamas with the curtains closed. The thing is I really enjoy it I feel like this is my real recharge.
But there's always an undercurrent of shame and guilt. Like what must my neighbours think of my curtains being closed all day. I always feel like I'm doing something wrong so can't fully enjoy it even though I really look forward to these weekends. My mum thinks it's really odd and often worries I am depressed. I'm genuinely not. I feel like I am 'on' so much, surrounded so much by people, dealing with their problems that this is the only way I really unplug but can't fully appreciate it due to the feeling I am abnormal in some way.
A friend said to me that if she was in the house all weekend without seeing another person she would become depressed. I would too if I spent ALL my weekends like this but I know on Monday I'm back to work, I know I will have my enjoyable, yet busy weekend with my daughter next weekend. So am I okay to just enjoy this relaxation time?