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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it crazy to bring forward wedding to TTC sooner

45 replies

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 09:33

We have planned a small wedding at the registry office and hiring a function room afterwards nearby for a party for our parents, our siblings and their families etc. Only booked the venue for the evening which can be altered for a nominal admin fee. Not booked anything else, as we were originally aiming for August 2024.

We’re only 23 and 25 currently so young to get married anyway by most people’s standards, but I’m less bothered about the day itself and more eager to be married. DH-to-be is relaxed and not particular as to how we do it or when, he had originally suggested later this year anyway.

Is it a bit silly to bring it forward - I’m thinking summer/autumn this year, with the sole reason of wanting to TTC soon after? I know we could always try before the wedding, people do, but DH has said it’s important to him we’re married before kids which I respect.

You only get one wedding day (hopefully..) and I don’t want to rush it but we’re not going in for pulling all the stops out anyway!

OP posts:

MathsNervous · 25/03/2023 09:36

Go for it. I went for a registry office wedding too. 16 years ago, and would still do it that way if I could have my time again. We were more concerned about being married not so much the wedding day.

Blossomtoes · 25/03/2023 09:39

It’s eminently sensible. A lot of people ten years older than you would do well to be as mature as both of you. I hope you have a lifetime of happiness.

MarieG10 · 25/03/2023 09:40

I suggest you stick to no ring no children....protects you in future as many in here find out. However, I think this will be come less so in future with the reform of divorce separation of assets, as seems to be planned...and not a bad thing in my view

Summer2424 · 25/03/2023 09:45

Hi @cerealchops no not crazy at all, we booked our wedding within months. I was happy to as i also wanted ttc asap.
Have a lovely wedding x

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 09:51

Thank you @Summer2424

Yes @MarieG10 that’s what DH wants to do and I’m only just realising why

Thank you very much @Blossomtoes

OP posts:

catchthedog · 25/03/2023 09:57

Im currently pregnant and its taken A LOT of saving to make sure we have enough money to cover maternity, some funds to help towards nursery costs later and getting the house all sorted. So I'd just think about whether you have time to get all that sorted before trying to quickly get pregnant. Other than that, seems fine if u are only planning a small wedding anyway.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 25/03/2023 09:58

Definitely best to be married first, so if you’re keen and sure about him and children, bringing the wedding forward sounds like a good idea.

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 10:08

Thank you! @MathsNervous i think it’s easy to find plenty of dates with most of them too

OP posts:

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 25/03/2023 10:08

I think it's sensible if that what you both want to do. We married at 24 and 25.
It was important to us to be married before having children. We were married for 2 years before ttc.
We struggled with infertility and I didn't give birth till I was 30 and now we're 34 and struggling to have our second.
I'm always an advocate to ttc sooner rather than later if that's what you both want! Xxx

GaspingGekko · 25/03/2023 10:14

I'm curious to know why you chose a date so far in the future? Was there a reason for that?

If there was a reason, has it gone away? If not then yes absolutely move it forward, there's no point being engaged for such a long time imo.

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 10:17

@GaspingGekko there was no reason to be honest, other than the fact we are young and didn’t think we had much time to sort it in time for this summer

OP posts:

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 10:21

@MoserRothOrangeandAlmond thank you so much! I bet your DC was the biggest blessing ever

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OneCup · 25/03/2023 10:21

Considering you can switch venues and haven't booked anything else, absolutely go for it. I assumed reading your title that it would involve losing lots of money/ deposits etc

GaspingGekko · 25/03/2023 10:22

In that case absolutely go for it if it's what you both want.
We organised our wedding in a couple of months - I think the longest thing to do was order the wedding dress. So this summer would easily be doable for an intimate wedding.
Or you could consider a winter wedding?

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 10:36

You sound so organised! @GaspingGekko
Gives me hope this year is possible. Did you manage to find a photographer etc?

OP posts:

Sapphire387 · 25/03/2023 10:38

It sounds like you have a nice, low-key wedding planned so I wouldn't foresee much difficulty in moving it forwards to this year. I say go for it.

Crumpetdisappointment · 25/03/2023 10:40

yes i would
i planned my wedding very quickly in order to ttc

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 25/03/2023 10:49

@cerealchops ah yes, very much so! There was a time when we thought we would never become parents and going through all the investigations and having failed IVF knocked us down a few times.
We thought we would have had our 2nd child by the time we were 30/31. But life doesn't work out as planned.
Our cut off age is 35 now.
Wishing you and your future husband lots of joy and happiness and you have the family that you both want.

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 25/03/2023 10:51

Also I was probably the least bothered about all the wedding planning and details. As long as we got married, had our family there and had nice food that was what we wanted.
We had a lovely day!

BungleandGeorge · 25/03/2023 10:57

Is there a reason you want it in august? I think you’ll struggle to rebook for a weekend this summer now. The reason people usually book ahead is availability of the florist, photographer etc and guests. Could you book in October it might be easier?

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 11:22

@BungleandGeorge nope we just thought of the weather really

OP posts:

DrivingAllDay · 25/03/2023 13:54

You might find people have holidays booked if you are thinking of August or September.

GaspingGekko · 25/03/2023 13:55

Yes we did have a photographer. It was actually one of the more important elements of the wedding for us.
Like you we had a smallish wedding, and honestly the guests, dress, food and rings were all that really mattered to us. Everything else was just a bonus.

Original poster

cerealchops · 25/03/2023 14:19

True @DrivingAllDay didnt think like that

OP posts:

Lcb123 · 25/03/2023 14:23

If you were 10 years older I’d say yes but personally can’t see any rush. Why not enjoy being married a while first. We’re only now TTC after 11 years together, we have not wanted to sacrifice our couple time until now

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