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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband and lack of appetite

44 replies

Namechanged2251 · 24/03/2023 17:04

My husbands lack of appetite really annoys me. Obviously can’t talk to people in real life as it sounds like a non-issue but it causes me so much grief and annoyance. When we were dating he would never want to eat out on a night out so I used to stuff my face before! The rare times we would eat out he would look at me disgusted. I was a really skinny girl so it’s not like I was eating huge amounts.

even now when we go out with the kids to a pub or restaurant he always says no we just here for drinks to the person seating us and I interrupt saying actually no the kids need to be fed so food too. He acts suprised and always says “oh I did t know we were gonna eat here” like it bloody 6pm how does he not think the kids need to be fed! which pisses me off.

we just about to go out to an activity soon where if you don’t order the food as soon as you go in it won’t be out for at least an hour by which time the activity will be done. I know he’s going to say I’m not hungry you guys just order. He really annoys me, I’m sorry if people think it’s a non issue but 15 years of this I’m fed up of him I really am. He then acts all annoyed when we get home and I don’t want to cook for him as it’s been a long evening and I’ve already eaten. He’s never cooked a meal in his life I always cook for him. His bloody statement “oh I’ll just eat at home” is so annoying as it means after a long day I have to get home and cook for him. What is wrong with this guy?

OP posts:
Itsmyturnnow1 · 24/03/2023 17:05

Well maybe stop cooking for him? No one makes you.

WakeMeUpInspring · 24/03/2023 17:06

Don't cook for him. Issue solved.

determinedtomakethiswork · 24/03/2023 17:07

So he does eat at home? Is he just mean with his money?

Vegalam · 24/03/2023 17:08

If he says 'I'll eat at home' just say 'OK sounds good, we've eaten though so I won't be cooking'

Is it more about not wanting to eat out? Does he eat enough at home?

Namechanged2251 · 24/03/2023 17:08

@determinedtomakethiswork he’s not mean with money. He’s in a well paying job, I thought the sane when we were dating but no it’s just weird.

OP posts:
SeeWhatYouGetWhenYouAskAStupidQuestion · 24/03/2023 17:09

He's never cooked a meal in his life? Then it's time he learned. Stop cooking his meals. You can all eat out together, OR you and he can cook something together, for the whole family. Sorted.

HiImTheProblemItsMe · 24/03/2023 17:09

Yeah to be fair I'd also opt to eat at home all the time if I had my own personal chef! Stop cooking for him ffs. Tell him he does half the meals each week and also a lunchtime at the weekend. I bet you'll be eating out regularly in no time!

Namechanged2251 · 24/03/2023 17:10

The reason I’m posting is I’m trying to figure out if it’s an eating disorder. I often find lots of wrappers and empty snack containers in the bin so seems like be binges when we’re all sleeping

OP posts:
Scottishgirl85 · 24/03/2023 17:10

He doesn't want to pay for food when out. He's not got a small appetite, he's tight with money! Why are you cooking for him?

Shoxfordian · 24/03/2023 17:13

How did this go past a couple of dates?

msmatcha · 24/03/2023 17:13

This would hugely annoy me too. Really anti social of him. Do you eat together at a table at home? I couldn't be with someone I could enjoy a nice pub lunch with.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 24/03/2023 17:14

Just tell him from now on his eating /not eating won't be affecting you or dc. And mean it. Leave him to cater for himself. Eat what you want. Your dc need to see one of you with a regular attitude to meal times and food.

Topbird29 · 24/03/2023 17:17

Does he have an issue eating in public? A friend of mine had this - hated people looking at her when eating, so avoided eating when out if possible. Although, you'd expect he could tell you if it something like that. And stop cookingvhir him - surely he can manage to get himself something - even if just beans on toast!

EggyBreads · 24/03/2023 17:19

How does he react if you say to him that you aren't going to cook for him at home and that he should order food with the family?

Boomboom22 · 24/03/2023 17:19

Why have you ever cooked for him at home after you ate out with the kids? He's a twat.

BadForBusiness · 24/03/2023 17:21

What's his weight?

Wishawisha · 24/03/2023 17:21

Does he eat normally when you all eat together at home? The examples you’ve given are all about eating while out.

BadForBusiness · 24/03/2023 17:24

You need to state your case when you're out.
"I'm hungry, the DC are hungry, we're eating now. If you aren't hungry that's fine, but you'll have to sort yourself out because I'm not starting to cook when we get home. As I recall there's bread, eggs, pasta, vegetables, fishfingers and sausages available- I'll help you turn the oven onto the correct setting if you need help."

FrownedUpon · 24/03/2023 17:25

Well, whatever the reason is, you’re enabling the behaviour. Why do you cook for him when the rest of you have eaten out? I’d never do that. If he wants food at home, he gets it himself. Don’t be a pushover.

NoSquirrels · 24/03/2023 17:25

It sounds a) really annoying and b) potentially disordered eating e.g. some people struggle to eat in public.

But why haven’t you sorted this after so long? Why do you still cook for him if it’s not convenient? Haven’t you ever asked him/argued with him about this?

Ktime · 24/03/2023 17:27

He then acts all annoyed when we get home and I don’t want to cook for him as it’s been a long evening and I’ve already eaten. He’s never cooked a meal in his life I always cook for him. His bloody statement “oh I’ll just eat at home” is so annoying as it means after a long day I have to get home and cook for him. What is wrong with this guy?

Why are you doing all the cooking? Are you a SAHM? Even if you are he should cook
on his days off.

But YANBU, I get why it’s annoying, sharing a meal is such a basic thing and he isn’t even considerate enough to sort his own needs by cooking for himself.

HaveSomeIntrospect · 24/03/2023 17:28

You knew what he was like when you met him, did you think the issue was going to resolve itself?

just don’t cook for him, he is a grown man. Has he never had to feed his own children?

Nutsabouttopic · 24/03/2023 17:37

I had a friend similar to this when we were teenagers. She wouldn't eat in front of people and would only pick if we were in one of our houses even when we were stuffing ourselves at sleepovers. We didn't know for a long time that she had an eating disorder. She was binging behind closed doors. We lost touch so I don't know what help she got. Does your husband eat if you cook for him

Alltheproductsnoidea · 24/03/2023 17:54

The wrappers in the bin may suggest a binge eating disorder. Maybe have a look at the BEAT charity and see if you can see any thing that chimes with you. Disordered eating is very common and it's often undiagnosed with men..

Botw1 · 24/03/2023 18:06

Sounds like he just doesn't want to eat out.

But I've no idea why you cook for him if you've already eaten!