Am I being rude? Feel so bad

[Splendiddd]

I met a guy a few years back when I was working in my old job. I felt he needed a bit of support and stuff in work so I was friendly towards him and tried to invoice him in things. We became quite good “work friends” and we got on great. I left work and we did stay in touch a few months but I have just got married, and moved to a different area entirely.

I am the worlds worse texter at the best of times, DH often has to ring me instead. Anyway, this work friend will text me quite a long message, and I might reply a week or 2 later. He will then reply straight away asking more questions and carrying the conversation on. I feel so bad because as soon as I send the message he is typing a reply! I feel so under pressure to keep this conversation going.

Even more uncomfortably, he sometimes double or even triple texts me if I haven’t replied in a week just starting a whole new conversation.

I do really think he’s a nice person, but I feel conflicted on how to end this textathon… I definitely don’t want to block or anything like that, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

You're rude. Why does it take you a week to reply to a text? He clearly considers you a friend so either stop replying or make more of an effort.

If someone took a week to reply to my messages I would probably just stop messaging them.

Why do you think he hasn't stopped?

It’s not personal to him! I just really don’t text anyone that much… i text out of necessity rather than just chit chat. I barely text my best friends, and I feel like when I do respond quicker the number of texts increases.

You're being really rude. Sort your texting out so you reply promptly to messages. If he's taken the time to send a mammoth text it's kind to reply within a day at least. Sounds like he thinks a lot of you as a friend so maybe treat him better.

Sounds like he considers you a friend but you don’t consider him one.

Yeah your rude

Can you tell him you prefer to chat

or get WhatsApp and send voice notes?

Can’t you just give him a ring if you don’t like texting? I don’t really like texting either so I either call people or I leave voice notes

You're not rude!! You're not obliged to send long replies just because he sends you long messages. That's his choice.
I often just reply to long messages wih an emoji. Often don't reply at all. My friends know that's what I'm like.

I don't think you're rude. You have your texting style and he has his. He still chooses to message you, knowing what yours is. On this basis he can either continue or not. You don't have to conform to his preferences!

I thought you were being rude at first, but then I remembered how I feel and respond when someone I used to know, and have kept sort-of in touch with, sends me podcast-length voice notes via WhatsApp. Voice notes aren't something my friends and family ever use, and I find them annoying and arduous to listen to and respond to, and often they end up going completely unlistened-to altogether. So I guess if I'm okay with that, then I have to say YANBR.

I don't think you're rude. I often take a while to reply to texts that are just general chit chat because life gets in the way.

If it's a text from someone starting a conversation I'll reply as soon as I can, or if it's a short message that I can see from the preview, but honestly long messages just need a certain mindset.

You’re not rude and nor should you have to continually worry about his feelings.

I’d hate to be bombarded with texts and feeling under pressure to respond.

I hate texting, people seem to think that them sending you a message obliges you to drop everything to have a conversation with them at their convenience. I reply when I have time, when it's convenient for me so not in the middle of a work day or bedtime for DD, and if it's going back and forth I suggest a call or a meet up because I don't want to engage in a long text chain.

So while I agree he might find you rude, I actually think it's pretty rude of him if he expects you to drop everything for an immediate long exchange of texts.

I don’t really consider him a friend now, no. I haven’t seen him in person for a very long time, we never spent time together outside of work.
My life is very busy and I don’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring but after a long day I don’t want to be a text conversation instead of spending time with DH or just chilling on my own (working in a hospital isn’t the most relaxing job)

Apart from reply to his texts immediately, how can I not be rude?

If someone was taking 2 weeks to reply to me I'd stop texting them as I'd find it rude. I'd take the hint. If someone was interested or considered themselves a friend they wouldnt take 2 weeks to reply.

Why not offer to meet up? That way you can both have a proper conversation in person. And brief texts can just be reserved for arranging meet ups.

Can you try voice noting instead of texting? You can leave your phone on record whilst you do other things and chat at the same time

No she isn't. The fact that person A chooses to text person B uninvited doesn't impose an obligation to B to reply within a defined time.

I’d reply more quickly but keep your reply brief. That way you’re less likely to get drawn into a long conversation. So, if he sends a huge text about what he’s been doing the past few weeks, just send a short acknowledgement - a sentence or two. He should gradually realise you’re not up for chatting. He’s probably just being friendly and doesn’t realise how you feel or how busy you are.

It doesn't sound as if you really have any interest in keeping any communication going and would be perfectly happy if this person dropped out of your life. If you want to let that happen gently, I guess all you can do is continue replying really slowly, and every time you reply keep it short and mention how busy you are.

I felt he needed a bit of support and stuff in work so I was friendly towards him and tried to invoice him in things.

Do you think he thinks there's more to it than that, and that's why you put off replying?

(Though if you sent him an invoice, I guess that should have given him a hint 😀)

PS ^^If that's the case, reply sooner, but barely acknowledge what he's said and talk a lot about your upcoming plans with DH, things you've recently done as a couple etc.

Does he know you’re not a big texter?
(that’s not a crime by the way)
Have you ever replied saying “sorry Im only seeing this message now - you know how crap I am with text messages”
I have a friend who will send me mountains of texts I have another who if I want any kind of conversation I need to phone her because she just doesn’t do texts
everyone’s different

I’m really interested in why people think it is rude? I’m not saying it’s not, I’m just keen to hear why