Am I being rude? Feel so bad

[Splendiddd]

I met a guy a few years back when I was working in my old job. I felt he needed a bit of support and stuff in work so I was friendly towards him and tried to invoice him in things. We became quite good “work friends” and we got on great. I left work and we did stay in touch a few months but I have just got married, and moved to a different area entirely.

I am the worlds worse texter at the best of times, DH often has to ring me instead. Anyway, this work friend will text me quite a long message, and I might reply a week or 2 later. He will then reply straight away asking more questions and carrying the conversation on. I feel so bad because as soon as I send the message he is typing a reply! I feel so under pressure to keep this conversation going.

Even more uncomfortably, he sometimes double or even triple texts me if I haven’t replied in a week just starting a whole new conversation.

I do really think he’s a nice person, but I feel conflicted on how to end this textathon… I definitely don’t want to block or anything like that, I don’t want to hurt his feelings.

They've never ever met up outside of work

This x10!

Interesting. I think I made it clear in my post that I don’t want to carry on texting him like this. Why is it rude to wind down conversations with people over time?

I'm the same!

I reply when I have the emotional energy, otherwise, I dont.

If it was an emergency then I obviously would, but honestly, if someone had an issue then them not texting me wouldn't be a great loss

I don’t think you’re rude.

You don’t really consider him a friend anymore as you say ….. you’ve moved on to a new job, things have happened and if he was a friend you would a 100 percent write back a bit more and even meet up for a coffee !

Just don’t text back now!

I think he’s too needy for you.

Yes it’s rude not to respond for so long. But if I’m on the receiving end of that I don’t try to keep a marathon text session going - it’s obvious that a person who takes ages to reply is not interested. Unless you are very gushing in your responses??

So actually all you’ve done is show him quite clearly that you’re not that interested. Which is fine. And better than ghosting or blocking. But the problem is he is not picking up on the social cue.

Make the gap between your responses longer and longer and when you do reply don’t answer any questions just say hi hope you’re well.

If you don’t want to be his friend/ever see him again then politely tell him you’re having a WhatsApp detox for the next month or so at least as it’s effecting your MH. Say something nice about him but do not commit to further chats/ask him any questions and then block him.

It is a bit rude to ignore messages for so long but if you have no interest in continuing any kind of relationship with him then you do need to put a stop to the messages and he is also being rude by not reading the cues you are giving out thus far.

Whatever happend to "just be kind"???? I'm guessing this guy thinks a lot of you and maybe he's lonely, doesn't have a tonne of friends, a dh, a busy job etc. I feel sorry for him and think you could find a minute out of your day to reply to a text.
Failing that, if you really want to cut all ties with him forever then you'll have to be more direct or block his number.

It seems now you've got a DH, you're not bothered about this friendship. Is it like this with just him or other friends too? I've known people in this situation suddenly get a partner/married and let friendships ebb out as they only want to spent time with their partner, then when the relationships ended, stand head scratching wondering why none of their old mates want to text them...

@DilemmaADay absolutely sounds like this...

I had exactly the same situation happen to me op, except I met the man in a hobby group, not at work, hence the length of this post!

I don't think you are rude at all op. You went out of your way to help this man at work and he either is deliberately taking advantage of your kindness now, or he doesn't have the sensitivity for whatever reason to realise that his current level of contact is a bit too much now that your circumstances have changed.

It's a difficult lesson to have to learn in life, but honestly if you are kind and helpful, sometimes a favour carries a price. Why this should be, I don't know!

If you want to continue the friendship and value it, you need to be honest and say that you don't have much time to chat by text, but would you like to meet up on such a date and apologies in advance if you don't respond to texts in the meantime, as it's a very busy period of time for you, look forward to seeing you etc. And then you see him every couple of months without much texting in between. So you put the controls on the friendship that he for some reason isn't able to.

And if you don't want to continue the friendship that's fine too. Friendships move in and out of your life, life moves on etc. But you need to be honest with him as he doesn't sound like the sort to catch a hint! Just say something like you wish him well but you are too busy at the moment to maintain friendships as you have too much on.

I did the latter but unfortunately he still persisted, so I had to block him in the end. Sometimes I think there is an in-built entitlement in men that your time and focus should be tuned in to them. Also, sorry to say, but I discovered that sometimes there is a reason why people are lonely and have few friends and that's because they are unable to respect boundaries.

You're not being rude at all. Ignore posters who think you must respond immediately. It's bollox.
These are usually people who hate answering their landlines anyway .

He seems keen on you, perhaps , unhealthily so.

Keep him at arm's length and respond whenever. Maybe consider blocking him if you're no longer in his circle of friends.

Don't fret about it. I

This is a man texting often enough to make the OP feel uncomfortable. Why on earth is she the rude one?
You may need to be quite blunt for him to get the message @Splendiddd

It may be the kinder solution all round.