To hate DH's beard

[Winkenblinkenandnod]

I'm a horrible person for feeling this way because he's always supportive of me whatever I look like and tells me I'm gorgeous whether fat, less fat, bad hair day, whatever, but I really, really don't like his beard. I know a lot of women do like them but I never have. It makes him look old (it's white, the rest of his hair is still pretty dark), hides his face, and when we kiss it feels like I'm kissing an animal, he's so furry. When he's eating, food sometimes gets trapped which is a bit🤢. He knows I don't like it and I think if I pushed hard enough he would shave it off but I don't want to be controlling and don't think I should be telling him what to do with his own facial hair. I tried saying I'm not shaving my legs or armpits till you shave, but he said he didn't care if I was hairy, and I only lasted a week before caving! WIBU to say it's your choice if you want to keep the beard but it's my choice if I want to kiss you with it? I think he'd resent me making him get rid of it. I think what I really want is for him to decide for himself that he's had enough of it but that doesn't seem to be happening any time soon. Any ideas what I can do? Or should I just accept and fancy him as he is, like he's always done with me?

I hated my bloke’s beard. He hasn’t got one any more.

What made him get rid of it Blossomtoes?

If you gained weight and he went ‘it’s your choice to gain weight or not, but it’s my choice if I want to kiss you with said weight’ how would you feel? Would it make you feel good? Happy? Loved by your partner?

Honestly I wouldn't make a big deal of it but I would just avoid kissing him while he has it. Maybe he'll take the hint!

Hard one but you can't help how you feel and the food thing would absolutely give me the icl as well..

That's awful if you have forced him to get rid

Difficult to know how to vote.
For sure, YANBU to not like what you just don't like; you can't help that.

But you'll just have to suck it up if that's what he wants, and hope he shaves it off at some point. Especially as he's accepting of your choices and different looks.

I completely agree with you which is why I haven't said that yet. But what do you suggest I do? Are you saying I just accept it and try to act enthusiastic when it feels like I'm kissing the pet dog?

I don't think it's awful at all. The OP dislikes what is basically a fashion choice and it's affecting the way she feels about her OP. Let's face it beards are pretty disgusting.

Have you told him how much you hate it OP?

I don't think YABU. My DH always shaves as he knows I don't like kissing him with a beard. It's not the same as hairy legs and armpits. You don't generally kiss those or get bits of food stuck in them. It seems fashionable to have a beard now and I know it's a pain to shave every day, but I'm glad my DH does. I wouldn't be kissing him much if he had a beard.

If he found your weight gain offputting, what would you suggest he do? Would you like him to tell you? Feign indifference? Just stop kissing you and not explain why? Get over it? Something else?

Whatever your honest answer is to the above, that’s what you should do.

Asking someone to have a shave is hardly the same as telling your partner they're fat and to shed a few stone. Ridiculous comparison

I absolutely hate beards and if my husband started growing one I'd be telling him straight - if you want to be coming anywhere near me GET RID. So what if it's a bit controlling? Everyone has deal breakers.

It was the example OP herself used in her post. I didn’t come up with it.

I think you should be honest with DH about how you feel but also accept that it is entirely his decision. Maybe try and have a light hearted conversation about it!

I would want him to act like he still thought I was gorgeous (which is what he did). However, as PPs have said, he could just decide to get rid of it whereas losing weight isn't quite as simple.

Me. I think the clincher was when I told him how much older it made him look. It did.

I wanted to give context that he's actually a lovely man and adores me whatever I look like which is why I feel so mean for thinking like this.

I do think it's very hypocritical. Lots of women like having short hair and their husbands don't like it, should the woman keep her long hair just for him? Hell no!
It's very controlling. You can express preference but to try and get him to get rid of it? He obviously likes how he looks.

You can sub in a simpler/easier to do example if that makes it more straightforward. Act towards him as you’d like him to act towards you if the tables were turned. Do/say what you’d want him to do or say in that situation.

I agree weight isn't a fair comparison because losing weight is hard and not everyone can manage it. A better comparison would be if op had a very different hair or makeup style that changed her appearance quite a bit.

He'd probably tell me if he hated my hair style or I suddenly started wearing completely different makeup which he hated.

Well, I can top this OP. DH has a beard I hate and long hair. Can't stand either.

I tried this approach but it didn't seem to make any difference.

I think it goes both ways- if it’s off putting it’s off putting. If I put weight on and my DH was put off the last thing I would personally want is for him to tell me I’m gorgeous and have sex when he doesn’t want to!

Same with a beard- DH mentioned growing one once and I said don’t you dare or at least don’t kiss me- ewww. So he didn’t grow it. It was up to him, his face, but I’m not going to kiss him with it! I didn’t say, don’t grow one or I’m going to stonewall, leave you, mock you etc.

I don’t think it’s controlling. It’s called communicating.

Does he know you can't stand them?