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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed

31 replies

godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:30

Cousin has just found out she's pregnant and I'm very happy for her and her partner.

She mentioned in passing that she hopes for a girl.

I find it upsetting that having a boy seems to be seen as second prize.

I have two boys myself, so I said something like 'well boys are lovely too' and she made some vague noise like she didn't quite agree with that.

Just made me feel that that comment, along with all the gender disappointment threads on here, that boys aren't as 'desirable'!

Aibu?

OP posts:
Samsungwasher · 23/03/2023 18:33

YABU

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:37

How so?

OP posts:
dietcokelime · 23/03/2023 18:37

YABU

Feebeedeebee · 23/03/2023 18:38

Deep down I'm sure lots of people have a preference but don't always admit it. Personally, I wanted a boy but got a girl. I'd not take someone else's preference personally.

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 18:38

Did you want boys when you were pregnant? Of course YABU. People are allowed a preference. It doesn't mean they won't be happy either way.

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:39

Feebeedeebee · 23/03/2023 18:38

Deep down I'm sure lots of people have a preference but don't always admit it. Personally, I wanted a boy but got a girl. I'd not take someone else's preference personally.

I won't take it personally Smile

It's the gender disappointment threads that I find the worst.

OP posts:
Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:39

GoodChat · 23/03/2023 18:38

Did you want boys when you were pregnant? Of course YABU. People are allowed a preference. It doesn't mean they won't be happy either way.

I wanted whatever I got.

OP posts:
twinklelight · 23/03/2023 18:41

YABU for making your cousins special news about you

Lennybenny · 23/03/2023 18:42

Offs. YABU

I desperately wanted a boy the first time and got one. I was desperate for a boy second time to the point I had ante natal depression.

We're allowed to have a preference.

7Worfs · 23/03/2023 18:42

YABU to be bothered.
I have two boys as well, and wouldn’t care what others prefer.

I am a little surprised by all the threads about the disappointments on MN though - most people I know IRL say they want boys.

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:43

Ok, fine IBU.

OP posts:
DidyouNO · 23/03/2023 18:43

She knows it's a girl so if she didn't have a preference before she does now. It's her baby and of course it's swaying her view. I didn't care and still don't. I have three boys and a girl (b,g,b,b) and I agree boys are awesome (as is my girl).

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:43

7Worfs · 23/03/2023 18:42

YABU to be bothered.
I have two boys as well, and wouldn’t care what others prefer.

I am a little surprised by all the threads about the disappointments on MN though - most people I know IRL say they want boys.

That interesting about what you hear irl.

OP posts:
Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 23/03/2023 18:43

She hopes for a girl! She didn’t say she’d be devastated if she had a boy. I have 2 boys and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I kind of hoped my 2nd would be a girl but I wouldn’t change a thing now obviously. I think you are being very over sensitive about it.

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:44

DidyouNO · 23/03/2023 18:43

She knows it's a girl so if she didn't have a preference before she does now. It's her baby and of course it's swaying her view. I didn't care and still don't. I have three boys and a girl (b,g,b,b) and I agree boys are awesome (as is my girl).

No, she's only 7 weeks. She doesn't know it's a girl

OP posts:
Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 18:45

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 23/03/2023 18:43

She hopes for a girl! She didn’t say she’d be devastated if she had a boy. I have 2 boys and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I kind of hoped my 2nd would be a girl but I wouldn’t change a thing now obviously. I think you are being very over sensitive about it.

Yes I probably am!

Her comment just reminded me of all the disappointment thread that are 99% about boys

OP posts:
LakeTiticaca · 23/03/2023 18:47

My son and DIL had one little boy and would have liked number 2 to be a little girl. One of each . They got another little boy. Are they disappointed? No they are happy they produced another strong healthy baby!!

7Worfs · 23/03/2023 18:53

Now that I’m thinking more about it, I didn’t have a preference in first pregnancy. After I had my first boy, I wanted another boy again, as that’s all I knew.
And now I’m very happy with two boys, it feels right for our family.

I think after the children arrive and parents get to know their personalities, we all think that’s how it’s meant to be.

HollyBookBlue · 23/03/2023 19:06

Yes YABU, people have preferences and fantasies of how their family will grow. Her preference aren't a judgment on you or your children. Do you wonder why this has got your back up?

Original poster
godeatsscampifries · 23/03/2023 19:13

HollyBookBlue · 23/03/2023 19:06

Yes YABU, people have preferences and fantasies of how their family will grow. Her preference aren't a judgment on you or your children. Do you wonder why this has got your back up?

Yeah, I already said I'm being over sensitive.

OP posts:
CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 23/03/2023 19:13

Why do you think it has irritated you so much OP?

How does someone preferring a boy or a girl affect you?

Would you have been super pleased if she had said she hoped for a boy?

applepancakes · 23/03/2023 19:24

I don't think you're being over sensitive. I have a boy and I'm now expecting a girl and honestly it's been upsetting me that family are seemingly more congratulatory and more excited that I've conceived a girl. It makes me feel upset for my son and worried that he's going to pick up on any future favouritism.

I also resent the fact that nearly everyone has commented on how pleased we must be that we're expecting a girl this time around and prior to us knowing the sex, how we must have been hoping for a girl. I didn't really mind, but another boy would have been lovely as that was what my son kept thinking it was going to be.

Marlena1 · 23/03/2023 19:29

I think that was insensitive of her and it would have annoyed me. I remember getting it the other way around "hopefully it's a boy". I didn't know and didn't care. I know it's fine to have a preference but talking to a mum if boys, she could have kept it to herself!

Newrumpus · 23/03/2023 19:33

I instinctively ‘knew’ what sex I was carrying each time. I used to get upset if somebody commented that it might be the opposite sex because I had already started bonding with my imagined child. I can’t explain it, it was just a feeling and it was right.

TheSingingBean · 23/03/2023 19:38

She was a bit insensitive, and given that I've seen a number of threads where people seem disappointed to be having boys I get it OP.