A positive story about your child with autism, please?

[Positivityplus]

Hello, I've got a 12 year old DS with autism. The social side of life is very challenging for him. He'd love to have a good friend. I've just had an email from his school basically saying that the two girls he's managed to make some sort of connection with in the past need "their own space". My DS doesn't even spend much time with them these days, but hey ho, you can't make people be friends with you.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit down about it, because he's also had incidents of bullying to deal with and now this. So, if you have any positive stories about your child with autism, diddly or adult, I'd love to hear them! Any tips for navigating life as a teenager with autism would be great, too!

We basically got her butt trained for timed poos to put it bluntly! There was an element of constipation, an element of poor muscle tone (she also has dyspraxia and hypotonia) and also an element of hyperfocus and not wanting to put the sodding iPad down going on. Timed poo tries 15 mins after meals and eventually we got her into a pattern of a before school and a post-dinner poo which didn't eliminate the soiling completely - but got it down to a manageable level, and now over the last year or so (she's 10 now), we've reduced it down from enforcement to a light touch of nagging and "don't you sodding go on that iPad until you've been on the loo"

And buying dark highly patterned pants and viewing them as collateral damage on those days where you really really cannot face trying to scrub away at another shitty gusset (because it does fucking take it out of you and you feel like you're drowning in shit at times - literal and metaphorical). I can trust that I can send her away on a Cub overnight weekend thing now and she's likely to come back without a bag of joy accompanying her... she's quite likely to have come back not having changed her clothing, or wearing her pyjamas under her clothes and not having seen a bar of soap or toothbrush for the entire time as well - but that's normal for the whole lot of them!

Fairly confident DH is autistic as well - and he earns a bloody good salary, works largely from home but goes into the office once a week and his team are all as geeky as he is - he found his tribe. I found mine too really - my service users make so much bloody sense to me at times! I laughed the other week when it was snowing and someone's mum told me that they'd asked their child to get a hat on to go out - and he couldn't find a beanie... so he'd appeared wearing a halloween witches' hat and my comment was that he'd completely fulfilled the assignment and it was perfect logic!

I don't know if my story will help? I flunked school, was quiet and couldn't focus. I behaved "hyperactively" at times and was given detention frequently and always in low sets.

I had poor grades but clearly an aptitude for a couple of subjects. The boys in my year protected me and we had fun. As I got older I chilled out more.

Off I went to college, for a fresh start and I hated it. But I calmed down and changed ALL my subjects twice. I used my obsession with architecture and my talent at design to become an architect.

I had to take further maths a few times but the University were the first people to recognise I was different and had ASD. This was 2006. They provided so much support.

These days, I'm a mum and a wife. I'm good at my job but use my hyperfocus to help me with work. I'm good fun and chill but do have sensory overload often. I take things very literally.

I think life turned out OK considering all my set backs and my mental sabotage. 😊

I'm female, so I'm good at masking and I come across a little youthful for my age. But I don't mind. Masking all day at work is exhausting so I've started to "fess up" and talk about it a bit more.

Last week, I went completely non verbal for a day after being shocked by something. It was the first time in my life it had ever happened. Almost like a mental shutdown. But I had lots of support

Not sure if my advice will be useful, but with my dd her (private) school arranged for to be seen by a ASD specialist in France - we just had to get her there which was the difficult bit. It worked out cheaper than going privately in the UK - they worked by understanding why she didn’t use the toilet. DD just didn’t think it was important so I had to be quite firm with building it as part of her routine taking her regularly even if she didn’t want to go.

FYI it did lead to constipation / witholding issues for a while but eventually it clicked.

@CoffeeWithCheese
Thank you for the info. Really good to know about the student finance, which I wasn't aware of.

DS is 14 and the last few years have been tough socially. His school have been incredibly helpful and supportive. But the key has been finding other kids on his wave length. A Dungeons and Dragons group has sprung up in school and he’s made friends in that.

In primary his best friend was very quirky though not diagnosed. And they just got each other in a way that the NT kids didn’t.

Don’t underestimate the importance of gaming and technology for socialising among boys. Obviously it needs keeping an eye on, but it’s worth the effort.

@Muddays
Thank you for the book recommendation. It looks really helpful. 😊

@Fantasticaldolphin just wondering how your little boy is doing ? Is he still non verbal . My ds will be 4 next min. No words at all yet . Thanks