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Original poster

A positive story about your child with autism, please?

82 replies

Positivityplus · 22/03/2023 18:46

Hello, I've got a 12 year old DS with autism. The social side of life is very challenging for him. He'd love to have a good friend. I've just had an email from his school basically saying that the two girls he's managed to make some sort of connection with in the past need "their own space". My DS doesn't even spend much time with them these days, but hey ho, you can't make people be friends with you.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit down about it, because he's also had incidents of bullying to deal with and now this. So, if you have any positive stories about your child with autism, diddly or adult, I'd love to hear them! Any tips for navigating life as a teenager with autism would be great, too!

OP posts:
TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 22/03/2023 20:07

OP my oldest DS is 12 and autistic. I found that puberty really suits him, he has become much more self assured and confident. His self esteem has improved too.

hennythe100footbird · 22/03/2023 20:14

DC has ASD and has very delayed S&L and the understanding is only just starting to come in very slowly. DC will be 6 this year, is in a mainstream setting although we are in the process of moving to specialist.

@Fantasticaldolphin if you are struggling, please feel free to message me. I might not be in your boat, but I am in the same storm 🌺

That also goes for anyone else who wants to talk. I don't have the answers but I will listen xxxx

EverySporkIsSacred · 22/03/2023 20:22

I am another autistic adult here.
I attended my youngest daughter's college interview with her today. Only a few years ago she wouldn't talk to people at appointments or anything like this, and she made me really proud, I was hardly needed.
She has found school really difficult and lonely, actually worse than I had it (though less bullying). But I am hopeful that college will be the making of her and hope to see her thrive.

moomoogalicious · 22/03/2023 20:26

My dd is now a young adult. She's currently studying a stem subject at an RG uni away from home and has lots of plans to travel around the world. She's brilliant company and is funny and interesting. She also works part time. Its not been easy for her (or us) and there are always ups and downs. She still struggles socially and always will. But 4 years ago we were in a completely different place so for her to be where she is now bloody amazing.

meganorks · 22/03/2023 20:31

My DD got an amazing score on her 11+ and started at a grammar school this year. Academically it is the right place for her although she has been struggling in some areas. But the school is being fantastic at supporting her. She hasn't really made any good friends yet, but there are a few girls she chats to in lunchtime clubs and the school are going to try and support her in this area too.
She does have a couple of friends from primary school though. They all went to different secondary schools but the wonders of modern technology mean they catch up on WhatsApp and play roblox together.
I think the next few years could be tough but I'm really pleased she got her school place as they are being so fantastic with her.

KateF · 22/03/2023 20:33

My 21 year old daughter struggled badly with social relationships and was overwhelmed by school so was HE until the age of 9. She chose to go back to school and gradually coped better but only had one friend at a time until sixth form. She chose not to go to university but did a business apprenticeship and is now an assistant manager for a large kitchen company. She has a partner and they have just bought a house. I'm immensely proud of her. Her sisters still think she's an oddball though 😀

loafintheoven · 22/03/2023 20:34

@Fantasticaldolphin I've found the ND parent community really warm and helpful on MN. Do reach out if you need to (and it sounds like you do). There will be others in a similar situation.

Downdoggy · 22/03/2023 20:42

Name changed as outing when added to other posts.

Diagnostic process started in nursery. Issues with sleep, toilet refusal, some self harm, communication and forming friendships. Very good at masking behaviour in primary school. No friends, never invited to a party. Similar issues in high school but eventually began engaging with additional support offered. Still had friendship issues. Passed GCSE exams, exceeding expectations.
Started college in a positive manner, engaged with support staff immediately. Made a few friends and tentatively explained his Autism to them.
Now at university, although living at home. Travels daily. Decent group of friends. An odd but hilarious sense of humour. Has hopes for a career. Very ‘young’ for his age but is doing so much more than we ever believed possible. Volunteers as a mentor.

bunhead1979 · 22/03/2023 21:01

Yes. My kid is now 17. They had
many very rough years with school/ socially/ sleep/ you name it, we all had some very desperate and sad times not knowing how we’d all get through. Left school last year with no qualifications and is now thriving at college, enjoys the lack of arbitrary rules, authority, and the mixed age group works well for them.

Also me, very bad time in my teens, messed up many friendships then relationships, dropped out of school. Now have a decent job that works for me, married, social life, hobbies, “successful”- hate that term but would have loved younger me to see that you can make things work for you and it will be ok.

Amiable · 22/03/2023 21:02

Things improved dramatically for my 17 year old once they left school. They are now at college, doing an art diploma which they love, has friends, goes out on their own... (even went out today without telling me to buy milk as they realised we had run out!)

At this point last year I was seriously concerned they were becoming agoraphobic their social anxiety was so high, they had no friends (not an exaggeration, they had no one), they were being taught at home by an outreach programme - the difference between now and then is astounding.

Things can definitely improve. School is a terrible environment for anyone neurodivergent, they just need to get through it basically, but life is waiting for them on the other side!

Ahna65 · 22/03/2023 21:20

@Fantasticaldolphin same boat as you (DD is 4 is June and non verbal still). Happy to message or maybe we start a new thread (not meaning that badly to this thread - just a different topic I guess)

have done all the insta / gestalt research but yeah ultimately nothing really seems to be making a difference. For us DD had a regression just before 2, she used to have some words

its so hard , and feels so endless and bleak sometimes..sending empathy and hugs

Original poster
Positivityplus · 22/03/2023 21:22

Thank you so much, everyone.😊It's been really lovely and uplifting to read of all of your wonderful stories.

So, aside from feeling sad about the social challenges my DS had to conurbation with, I feel I must share the positives about him, too.

DS started school with a one-to-one TA and a PECS folder to communicate, as he only had a handful of words. I wondered how he was ever going to learn like the other children if he couldn't talk or understand what was being said. Fast forward to now, age twelve, he can talk, loves learning and is in fact very good at languages! He makes me smile, is a loving son and I marvel at the way his amazing brain works.

Do keep your positive stories coming and thank you for making me feel less alone on the path I'm walking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Positivityplus · 22/03/2023 21:27

@GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou
Lovely to hear how great your young man is. Can I ask what's in your toolbox of techniques?

OP posts:
KilljoysMakeSomeNoise · 22/03/2023 21:30

Fantasticaldolphin · 22/03/2023 19:45

Were any of the children in these stories non verbal at nearly 4 years old and not following instructions?

My 20 year old didn't talk till he was 5. He started school (special school) in nappies. I thought that would be how he was forever. He was so destructive, into ripping anything and everything. Books, wallpaper, tiles in the bathroom, precious family photos. I cried a lot!

He goes to mainstream college now, though is studying life skills as well as GCSE Maths and English (I'm not sure why, he got a U last year for maths and though he can read well has very little comprehension. But he isn't stressed exams so I'm happy to let him) He does things he loves - swimming, parkrun, baking, cooking. He's pretty amazing and so friendly, everyone who meets him loves him.

I also have a 15 year old. He had a couple of friends in primary, but as they all got older the differences became apparent and he was bullied. In the end I pulled him out of school to home educate and he has loads of friends now, of all different ages. He's really flourished. He's going to college now and getting on really well there.

mucky123 · 22/03/2023 21:47

Fantasticaldolphin · 22/03/2023 19:45

Were any of the children in these stories non verbal at nearly 4 years old and not following instructions?

Mine. Not completely non-verbal at 4 but not putting sentences together and little understanding, no following instructions, At 10 nearly 11 he is beautiful (although he has always been that). Behind at school but in mainstream, speaks well enough when he wants to. Very into facts, Hilariously funny (very dry - you think he isn't listening and then suddenly comes the comment). Kind, sweet, nobody's fool - not desperate for friends but seems to make them anyway. Not too difficult to parent, won't sleep much. Generally he is happy, I am happy with him, I see a good future.
Have 2 other autistic girls (twins 15). Less obvious when younger more problematic now. DT2 - doing great, working hard. achieving well at school, few friends but not unhappy, think she'll find her tribe properly when she goes to uni. DT1 - least obvious, great at blending in, pretty attractive girl (which makes a difference to other kids in a positive and negative way). Loads of friends, going off rails. Anorexia, binge eating, self-harming, suicide attempts, lots of attention seeking behaviours. Constant wish to go out at the moment - assume we are going to see worrying sex behaviours at some point. Worry about her most even though she looks the least "autistic". I still think she'll be alright in the end, she just needs to combust for a bit and find her way.
So overall, a bit more difficult than 3 NT children but similar issues, you get there, they grow up and life gets easier. try to enjoy it along the way.

Original poster
Positivityplus · 22/03/2023 21:48

@junebirthdaygirl
I don't think there are anything clubs like that where we are unfortunately. There aren't any other children round DS's age with autism in his school, but it would be nice if there were more like minded children for him to try and connect with.

OP posts:
SusiePevensie · 22/03/2023 21:52

12 is a hard age for a lot of kids. They're trying desperately to conform and not be weird - it gets better.

Hankunamatata · 22/03/2023 21:54

Massive hugs. My asd dc struggles massively with making friends. He now tends to spend break and lunch in the schools quiet room watching star wars on his phone. Not ideal imo but means he is happy enough. He tends to have more chats with teaching staff than anyone else. He is lucky he has brothers who are super social so we do lots of things together as a family.

Hankunamatata · 22/03/2023 21:55

My asd child dislikes other asd kids as he doesn't gel with them. He does enjoy scouts, swimming for fitness group, bike riding

GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou · 22/03/2023 21:59

Positivityplus · 22/03/2023 21:27

@GandhiDeclaredWarOnYou
Lovely to hear how great your young man is. Can I ask what's in your toolbox of techniques?

I've got a hectic few days but if you're OK with it I'll message you when things calm down

Seaswimmingdeservessunnydays · 22/03/2023 22:07

My autistic son is now 22 and loving his life. He was very challenging as a young child and had full-time teaching assistant support throughout school. Stayed in mainstream but only just. Nobody thought he would ever live alone or work. Found making friends very hard until late teens.

He lived with friends while at uni and now works part time and has made friends at work. Doing so well. Never would have imagined it in those dark days where I was fighting for every bit of support and he had no friends, concentration, calm...

I did fight very hard for input from all relevant services and they did help. This was before austerity really kicked in. I know it is harder now.

The hardest time was Y6-Y9. Kids become nicer after that. Sixth form and uni even better as he gravitated to courses where he met lots of people with similar interests (a number also being autistic...).

Timesawastin · 22/03/2023 22:18

DS2 started special school in nappies, only able to communicate in the third person and in very limited language and obsessed with clearing surfaces and tipping liquids out.
At 32 he lives independently with his GF, works and commutes, goes on holiday and is active in community groups

Timesawastin · 22/03/2023 22:19

Can also echo a pp that peers get so much better and more mature past about 16.

POTC · 22/03/2023 22:29

My autistic 15yr old (year 11) was captain of the UK team for his sport in an international tournament in December. In year 6 & 7 we had exactly the same issues you've described!

tootiredtospeak · 22/03/2023 22:42

My DS was exactly sorry is exactly the same. He is 21 now and secondary was endured not enjoyed. However since he left he has really enjoyed a SN college he learnt to drive he now works about 15 to 20 hours a week and has 2 hobbies that keep him very busy. If someone told me at 12 this is where we would be I would have been thrilled