Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Potential rumour at work. WWYD?

45 replies

MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 17:39

There’s some work comms recently come out about spreading rumours about other employees. My line manager has said there’s an incident that made HR send out this email to all employees.

I noticed one of my colleagues had mutual friends on Facebook. These mutual friends know something embarrassing about me that happened 15 years ago. Since I saw this, I have worried that if my colleague ever asked (I saw pics of them together so think they are close friends) them how they knew me, they could maybe say why. I basically had drunken sex in a club when I was young and stupid but it would be hard to believe I would ever do this now if you met me (I’m shy which would probably make it a funny rumour).

Anyway I’m over thinking now that the rumour was about me. I couldn’t imagine anyone telling me as a heads up.

WWYD? I’m considering having a word with the cleaner (she’s very gossipy so would probably know) or should HR be obliged to tell me if the rumour was concerning me. They haven’t so maybe I should relax…

OP posts:
Keeween · 22/03/2023 17:41

The best thing you could do is just entirely ignore the whole thing. Don’t ask, don’t dig, don’t give it a seconds more thought. If it isn’t about you, well, great, but if it is, and you appear to be desperately trying to find out/temper the rumour, you’ll give it credit.

Totalwasteofpaper · 22/03/2023 17:42

I would have thought Hr would have contactd you if you were involved

Casilero · 22/03/2023 17:44

I think HR would have told you too. Also, I do think you're over thinking it. Why would they be discussing something from 15 years ago? It's not even that interesting as gossip goes, surely they have more interesting topics of conversation

Moopyhereagain · 22/03/2023 17:44

this sounds stressful but sounds like in all probability you have nothing to worry about. It’s highly unlikely that the rumour in question is about you - it’s much more likely about something more recent and probably in a work context. Personally, I wouldn’t mention anything to the cleaner as you might be stirring up a load of gossip unnecessarily. If you can, I would leave well alone. We all have done stuff in our past that we wouldn’t do today - I have a big and public job and many skeletons in my closet. Best advice is to move on from your past, chalk it all up to the folly of youth and remember many of your colleagues will have done far worse stuff ! HR it sounds are trying to create a positive culture , embrace that for yourself as well and forgive yourself for doing stuff you would rather stayed in the past.

hexagon123 · 22/03/2023 17:45

Typical HR..... vague.

You would have been told if it informed you.

If not, and they are keeping it quiet... good for you.

I often wonder how people are doing who have made huge mistakes as children/young people. Glad you are doing well.

Lolaandbehold · 22/03/2023 17:46

This won't be you. You'd know about it from HR. Don't go to the cleaner; if she's a gossip and doesn't know, the gossip she might subsequently make up could be that it is in fact you, even when it isn't. Sit tight, hold your nerve and assume it isn't about you.

Original poster
MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 17:47

Casilero · 22/03/2023 17:44

I think HR would have told you too. Also, I do think you're over thinking it. Why would they be discussing something from 15 years ago? It's not even that interesting as gossip goes, surely they have more interesting topics of conversation

I don’t think it’s interesting gossip by itself. But more so because of my personality, it’s the least thing anyone would expect.

OP posts:
Ishefuckingkiddingme · 22/03/2023 17:47

hexagon123 · 22/03/2023 17:45

Typical HR..... vague.

You would have been told if it informed you.

If not, and they are keeping it quiet... good for you.

I often wonder how people are doing who have made huge mistakes as children/young people. Glad you are doing well.

Having drunken sex is not a “huge mistake”. Give over 😂

Thesearmsofmine · 22/03/2023 17:48

I don’t think the rumour would be about you. The musical friend probably doesn’t even remember what went on all of those years ago and as things go, it isn’t something that extreme or awful anyway(think of all the stuff people got up to on girls/boys holidays etc.

StamppotAndGravy · 22/03/2023 17:49

I highly doubt it was about you. I think everyone did something equivalent when they were young. Honestly, no one cares 15 years later. If it was about you, you'd know because anyone petty enough to be getting mileage out of something so old would be going out of their way to bully you and make your life miserable.

Chickenly · 22/03/2023 17:49
  1. No one cares that someone had sex whilst drunk
  2. It was 15 years ago. No one would care now
  3. HR would’ve told you if it were about you
  4. Making a fuss would mean everyone knows, which is what you’re worried about.
Moltenpink · 22/03/2023 17:50

If someone told me something about another person’s sex life 15 years ago, I would think they were very odd for telling me.

Doyoumind · 22/03/2023 17:51

Honestly, you having sex in a club 15 years ago won't be of any interest to anyone. You're being paranoid. That's not something damaging. It's a silly anecdote.

It's more likely to be gossip about relationships between colleagues etc that could affect people in their working life.

Original poster
MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 17:53

Moltenpink · 22/03/2023 17:50

If someone told me something about another person’s sex life 15 years ago, I would think they were very odd for telling me.

I was thinking it’s banter between “the lads” at work.

Anyway yeah, you’re probably all right and I have nothing to worry about.

OP posts:
2013isback · 22/03/2023 17:54

I doubt that the "gossip" is what you think it is - HR would probably ignore something about an employee's distant past that's at most surprising or mildly embarrassing. They'll be worried about the kinds of rumours that could impact the business: current affairs between bosses and subordinates or clients, rumours that someone's selling drugs or running a prostitution ring on the premises, or possibly directly work-related like a higher-up planning to defect to a competitor and bring other employees along. (Either that or people are spending so much time on random idle gossip that no work is getting done, but you'd probably have noticed that.)

I'd ignore it - definitely do NOT gossip with the cleaner if you've (all) just been warned not to gossip. And whoever the subject of the rumours really is, that person deserves their privacy too.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 22/03/2023 17:56

It's 99% not that.

It'll be the usual 'x is having an affair with x' rumour or maybe an 'x is getting fired'

Conkersinautumn · 22/03/2023 17:56

No, don't go trying to find out what the gossip that HR arr warning people about is. As bove hr should have approached anyone affected

IDontWantToBeAPie · 22/03/2023 17:57

@Ishefuckingkiddingme having sex in a public place is a fairly big mistake though tbf.

Original poster
MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 18:00

2013isback · 22/03/2023 17:54

I doubt that the "gossip" is what you think it is - HR would probably ignore something about an employee's distant past that's at most surprising or mildly embarrassing. They'll be worried about the kinds of rumours that could impact the business: current affairs between bosses and subordinates or clients, rumours that someone's selling drugs or running a prostitution ring on the premises, or possibly directly work-related like a higher-up planning to defect to a competitor and bring other employees along. (Either that or people are spending so much time on random idle gossip that no work is getting done, but you'd probably have noticed that.)

I'd ignore it - definitely do NOT gossip with the cleaner if you've (all) just been warned not to gossip. And whoever the subject of the rumours really is, that person deserves their privacy too.

Yes I definitely wasn’t going to ask the cleaner what the gossip was. Knowing her though, she’d love to spread.

Just the question was it about me.

This sounds silly now and will not be asking the cleaner!!

OP posts:
MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 18:03

I’d ask the cleaner what the gossip is. Then if it is about you, you’ll know that your colleague is an awful person and someone to actively avoid for 1) listening to gossip about you from mutual ‘friend’ (not really a friend) and 2) spreading the gossip at your workplace, that is really low.

If it’s not about you, breathe a sigh of relief. It’s the agonizing over not knowing that is stressing you and I don’t blame you.

MysteryBelle · 22/03/2023 18:04

Just read your update Op. Do what you feel is best.

Glitteratitar · 22/03/2023 18:13

There is no indication whatsoever that it relates to you. You’re going to bring attention to there being a story about you.

You’re being paranoid, try not to think about it.

Penniless · 22/03/2023 18:16

I too think you’d have been informed if the rumours concerned you. And also — haven’t we all had unwise drunken sex in some suitable place at some point in our youths? Even those of us who look ultra-respectable or timid? It’s not much of a story if it’s ‘colleague did something mildly disreputable fifteen years ago’. A friend of mine was the one having silly drunken sex in a club with a now-well-known cabinet minister (not UK) twenty years or more ago, and I honestly doubt anyone, even a tabloid, would be that surprised or gossipy about it.

Thesearmsofmine · 22/03/2023 18:16

MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 18:00

Yes I definitely wasn’t going to ask the cleaner what the gossip was. Knowing her though, she’d love to spread.

Just the question was it about me.

This sounds silly now and will not be asking the cleaner!!

Show quote history

If you ask if the gossip was about you and she loves a gossip then she will likely start asking around about you. I would honestly just leave it.

SunshineAndMonsteras · 22/03/2023 18:19

Just the question was it about me.

It's almost like you want people to know if you would consider asking gossip this ...

Swipe left for the next trending thread