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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Potential rumour at work. WWYD?

45 replies

MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 17:39

There’s some work comms recently come out about spreading rumours about other employees. My line manager has said there’s an incident that made HR send out this email to all employees.

I noticed one of my colleagues had mutual friends on Facebook. These mutual friends know something embarrassing about me that happened 15 years ago. Since I saw this, I have worried that if my colleague ever asked (I saw pics of them together so think they are close friends) them how they knew me, they could maybe say why. I basically had drunken sex in a club when I was young and stupid but it would be hard to believe I would ever do this now if you met me (I’m shy which would probably make it a funny rumour).

Anyway I’m over thinking now that the rumour was about me. I couldn’t imagine anyone telling me as a heads up.

WWYD? I’m considering having a word with the cleaner (she’s very gossipy so would probably know) or should HR be obliged to tell me if the rumour was concerning me. They haven’t so maybe I should relax…

OP posts:

Ladybyrd · 22/03/2023 18:22

Don't talk to the gossipy cleaner. It's no one's business anyway. You don't need to beat yourself up about something that happened years ago and has absolutely nothing to do with your colleagues. I would put money on it that it's something you entirely unrelated, but you'll probably never get to the bottom of it anyway as it's already been squished by HR.

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/03/2023 18:29

WWYD? I’m considering having a word with the cleaner (she’s very gossipy so would probably know)

Considering the comm that has come out from HR, this is the last thing you should do, especially with someone who is known to be loose lipped.

Sekena · 22/03/2023 18:32

MumofOne1789 · 22/03/2023 17:39

There’s some work comms recently come out about spreading rumours about other employees. My line manager has said there’s an incident that made HR send out this email to all employees.

Anyway I’m over thinking now that the rumour was about me. I couldn’t imagine anyone telling me as a heads up.

I'd relax omg don't have a word with the cleaner - worst thing you can do !!

GoodChat · 22/03/2023 18:40

HelpMeGetThrough · 22/03/2023 18:29

WWYD? I’m considering having a word with the cleaner (she’s very gossipy so would probably know)

Considering the comm that has come out from HR, this is the last thing you should do, especially with someone who is known to be loose lipped.

100%

Dashel · 22/03/2023 19:02

I used to work in mult site Facilities Management and dealt with a lot of cleaning and caretaking staff who would pass on useful information such as any servicing issues and who they caught shagging in a cleaning cupboard or car park or even in the middle of an open plan office.

I think your story is old news and it’s probably sex related but something a whole lot more recent that involves two people that everyone knows.

In any case I would keep quiet or HR might be having words with you for gossiping

Calmdown14 · 22/03/2023 19:06

I really can't see this being interesting enough to warrant an HR email. I think it is more likely gossip concerning two current employers or about someone's departure. Has anyone left suddenly?

15 years ago is old news and unless you did it on stage in front of everyone, not really that out there.

LakeTiticaca · 22/03/2023 19:10

More likely to be something like a senior married colleague shagging a younger junior colleague.
Drunken sex in a club 15 years ago might raise an amused eyebrow but its very unlikely to impact the company's reputation 😉

NeverDropYourMooncup · 22/03/2023 19:13

Last time I was in a workplace that had a 'NO MORE RUMOURS' edict, it was related to a complaint of a far more serious nature and they wanted to maintain confidentiality cover it up. So nothing to do with inconsequential shit, as they wouldn't get involved in petty gossip, due to it not affecting their bottom line.

Keep out or your enquiries could get you in a lot of trouble.

InSpainTheRain · 22/03/2023 19:13

Definitely give the cleaner a wide berth - any question to her will be spread by the sounds of it (even the fact that you asked her). Just ignore it, it will blow over. It sounds unlikely it would be something about you from 15 years ago. More likely someone overstepped some boundary in the office recently. Relax!

CharlieTown · 22/03/2023 19:18

Having sex in a club 15 years ago is far too boring to be gossiped about by colleagues. What makes you think anyone would even care if they knew?

JudgeRudy · 22/03/2023 19:21

I'd imagine if there's been comms from HR/Management going out to the workforce it's most likely that there's been a recent incident and that the people involved (ie not you) are aware.
It's not a bad idea to have a plan up your sleeve though in case your little 'indiscretion' gets leaked. My advice is hide in plain site. If someone hints about this brazen it out and say 'Not you too. Is this about how I used to be a lapdancer? Yeah course i did!"...if they say no it's about the time....blah blah" just respond..."Oh theyre getting better. Was this at the part where i snogged Robbie Williams/Gorden Ramsey/Paula Radcliff?".....
Add a few in yourself. Say you wish youd have had as much fun as they say but actuallly you did one wee up an ally when you were drunk.

JudgeRudy · 22/03/2023 19:22

CharlieTown · 22/03/2023 19:18

Having sex in a club 15 years ago is far too boring to be gossiped about by colleagues. What makes you think anyone would even care if they knew?

Because she's so 'sensible' I'd guess.

user1473878824 · 22/03/2023 19:23

In the nicest possible way OP even if someone asked a mutual friend about you I doubt the first thing that would come up is a drunken escapade from 15 years ago. Even the quietest person in the room shags.

okaybut · 22/03/2023 20:14

a drunken escapade from 15 years ago. Even the quietest person in the room shags.

I hope I'm not embarrassing OP further and I know it's not really relevant, but I think it depends on whether it was getting handsy while half-naked in a dingy corner / stairwell of the club, or full on doggy style stark naked in the middle of the club floor while spotlit with people gathered all around.

I have seen a variation of the latter once, thankfully before the age of widespread phone cameras!

On that note OP, even if it was the latter, there's no video proof! Drunken stories without online Internet humiliation are just another fun thing to laugh/cringe about. And also your colleagues have no way of confirming whether the friend is wildly exaggerating or passing on unconfirmed rumours... They'll probably largely be doubting it. Assuming the rumour is about you in the first place which it might not even be.

SoShallINever · 22/03/2023 20:28

So HR ask people to stop gossiping and your first thought is to ask the gossipy cleaner for her thoughts! Noooo!!
First thing you need to do is forgive yourself. We all make mistakes. You haven't hurt anyone, you haven't been charged with an offence. It was 15 years ago. You are a different person now. Let it go.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 22/03/2023 20:54

For most of the people I work with, I’d be more surprised if they hadn’t had drunken sex in a club.

ColdHandsHotHead · 22/03/2023 21:00

From my own experience, I would say the people directly involved in whatever the issue was know ALL about it and some heads have rolled. In your case, OP, don't trouble trouble.

SquishyGloopyBum · 22/03/2023 22:40

What's wrong with you having sex in a club? It's about time women stopped being so hard on ourselves, because of societal attitudes. It wouldn't be gossip if a bloke did it

I know this isn't quite the point of the tread but stop beating ourselves up for having sex.

StayBased · 22/03/2023 22:46

I wouldn’t be the least bit interested if one of my colleagues had a drunken shag in a nightclub and I can’t think that any of my Co-workers would be either. Pay it No Mind.

TrishM80 · 22/03/2023 23:16

Well if the rumour is about your nightclub shenanigans 15 years ago, I can guarantee you'll have a few office lotharios sniffing around in the next couple of weeks looking for what they think will be an easy shag.

If they don't, the rumour's probably not about you.

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