Is this just me? Need a little vent!

[Happydays1987]

I am finding Mumsnet to be really quite a weird place at times? Is this just me? Some people are incredibly touchy/snippy when you haven’t said anything wrong and are just trying to be kind. I have noticed especially when commenting on threads about childbirth etc people really come out to flame you. I commented on a ladies post yesterday about birth, giving her words of encouragement and telling her I had a positive birth despite worrying for 9 months and that she would smash it. There was so much more I could of said but why would you? My birth had a positive outcome but was still excruciatingly painful, I was induced and I tore had stitches etc but why would you say that to someone about to give birth? And instead not be positive for that person so they feel a little bit more confident? People saying “telling her everything is going to be fine is unhelpful” I didn’t say that at all I was just being supportive. What would people rather say? Feels like you’re being ripped open, like the london to brighton has driven through your fanny, the pain is unimaginable etc etc. If the thread was titled “tell me horror stories” then I can understand my positivity being unwanted.

I know this probably comes across quite ridiculous but I only ever come on here and
comment/say things for peoples benefit and to possibly in some way support them and know their not alone. There is always someone who has to make a remark to make you feel shitty. I know it’s not personal of course but I am finding a lot on here that there is just someone who has
to jump on you and people trying to out do one another?

I have spoken to lovely people on here too so all isn’t lost, just needed to get it off my chest. Xxx

No it's certainly not just you, a bit like hatred of dogs and their owners, this is topic regularly posted about.

I think we have been infiltrated by people from somewhere else to stir up hate as it used to be such a welcoming and supportive place.

Now you are jumped on for even speaking

This theory is also often posted.

There are some real nasty bastards on here, and people who seem to tremendously overreact to the tiniest things and just spew bile at every opportunity, but to be honest I just feel sorry for them. Imagine how their lives must be that their only outlet is to be anonymously vitriolic to strangers on the internet?

This. And also I feel like people somehow get jealous? It’s like “you can’t possibly say your birth was good if mine was terrible, how dare you….we are not all lucky”. Fucking lucky ha! And by saying something was positive doesn’t take away the agony, tears and all the other things someone has no idea you have experienced!

I totally agree. Love this comment!

See I don’t really understand that why pick on use of language so much? Seriously what is the need? And actually, when I walked down from giving birth to maternity ward I did feel I had smashed it!

Very strange I think people really go overboard and need to calm themselves down! If someone was being offensive and downright nasty then comment but otherwise…shut up

Ok please leave my thread. I am not a complete idiot.

No hate btw I do appreciate where you’re coming from x

I feel like it's changed. There have always been people with, let's say 'forthright' opinions, but now it seems that someone will start a thread, possibly already feeling upset or vulnerable, and people will just pile on to them kicking them when they are already down and making them feel worse than they do. I get that people sometimes need to hear the truth even if it hurts but there really is a level of unwarranted viciousness at times.

Yeah this is what I mean, I think it’s so dependent on the situation isn’t it and when it concerns childhirth etc I think it’s always best to be as kind as possible because that woman is at their most vulnerable. I don’t know people are so quick to start hammering you and you haven’t said anything untoward x

Agree. God forbid you have a nice life & don’t have to worry about heating bills.
Cries of stealth boasting abound.

There are certainly some real loopy loos on here, and some people seem to be hateful and abusive, almost as reflex.

you just have to learn to screen them out, there are plenty of interesting and kind posts as well

Get used to ignoring the horrible people, and just interact with people if you are enjoying the interaction.

IMHO it's not any worse than it ever was - and yet there's one of these threads most weeks so maybe I'm wrong? Or maybe the actual infiltrators are from somewhere like nethuns?

Yeah there are some right AHs on here. Discussions around childbirth are tricky though, it's very emotive and people come at it from different angles based on their own experiences. It's difficult to balance being reassuring to someone who is pregnant and not misleading them about the reality of birth - personally I went into it feeling ok but found it to be horrific and afterwards I felt actual anger (!!) towards people who had told me it would be fine because they hadn't been more honest with me. Obviously they though they were helping me by being positive. Not logical or fair on my part, but that's how I felt!
Anyway I haven't read the thread you're speaking of so have no context really but honestly don't take the negativity to heart. Assume they mean well, as you do, and if they don't - they're really not worth you worrying over!

Here's a little vent (45mm), well two actually.
Other colours maybe available...

Agree OP, don’t understand it either. Of course you smashed it. You pushed a human being out of your body. Be proud 😊. Nothing wrong with feeling like you smashed it at all.

@LondonPretty it must be exhausting being so nit-picky 😆 - chill out

I ended up with severe depression, trauma etc after my pretty awful childbirth and subsequent stay in hospital experience, and you know what? I would never tell any woman worried about her upcoming delivery that hers may go any way but well, nor would I say anything but something along the lines of "you'll smash it", and why? Well, I would never want her to imagine anything but it working out well! Why would I want to worry her any further? How would that help? The woman would end up continuing to worry and dread her upcoming delivery, perhaps needlessly. No You've repeatedly said that "language matters", and perhaps you should actually consider what you keep parroting to others instead of doubling down and refusing to listen to what everyone else is saying.