Is this just me? Need a little vent!

[Happydays1987]

I am finding Mumsnet to be really quite a weird place at times? Is this just me? Some people are incredibly touchy/snippy when you haven’t said anything wrong and are just trying to be kind. I have noticed especially when commenting on threads about childbirth etc people really come out to flame you. I commented on a ladies post yesterday about birth, giving her words of encouragement and telling her I had a positive birth despite worrying for 9 months and that she would smash it. There was so much more I could of said but why would you? My birth had a positive outcome but was still excruciatingly painful, I was induced and I tore had stitches etc but why would you say that to someone about to give birth? And instead not be positive for that person so they feel a little bit more confident? People saying “telling her everything is going to be fine is unhelpful” I didn’t say that at all I was just being supportive. What would people rather say? Feels like you’re being ripped open, like the london to brighton has driven through your fanny, the pain is unimaginable etc etc. If the thread was titled “tell me horror stories” then I can understand my positivity being unwanted.

I know this probably comes across quite ridiculous but I only ever come on here and
comment/say things for peoples benefit and to possibly in some way support them and know their not alone. There is always someone who has to make a remark to make you feel shitty. I know it’s not personal of course but I am finding a lot on here that there is just someone who has
to jump on you and people trying to out do one another?

I have spoken to lovely people on here too so all isn’t lost, just needed to get it off my chest. Xxx

I know what you mean in general. There are always keyboard warriors lurking on here, waiting to jump on a thread and start making shitty comments.

BUT, I will say that on the subject of birth, I really hate the false positivity around it. Before I gave birth for the first time everyone was all 'oh you'll be fine, it's what your body's designed for, just breathe, do hypnobirthing, you've got this mamma...' blah, blah, blah.

In reality, my birth was an absolute shit show and afterwards when I'd talk about it with women who'd given birth before, they were like 'oh yeah it's horrendous, I had so many stitches, shit myself all over the bed, had an infection, had to sit on a rubber ring for a fortnight'.

I felt betrayed. Why did no one tell me this?!! Honestly, I would have so much rather known the truth. Then I don't think it would have affected me as much when it did all go wrong.

I think most women have heard about, and can imagine the possible negative experiences of giving birth and I think it’s helpful to have that knowledge balanced with some positive experiences. Lots of women have problems with one birth, but very different with another - also perspectives differ in relation to negative experiences eg some women may be unhappy they had to have an epidural, others would welcome any kind of relief. No one knows how the experience is going to go either but a major factor influencing how well it goes is how stressed the woman is - so thinking positive (whilst being aware things may go awry) is the best way I think !
Ive noticed the negativity on here also - I think it may be because life has got a lot harder / stressful for a lot of people and posting negative / judgemental things on here gives people an outlet. At least they are not kicking animals eh ? Well hopefully not :)

I think there is a fine line between reassuring somebody, and being brutally honest. I see so much of it here. Posters will say things like "I am sure it will be okay if you blah, blah....". How can anybody be sure? Or They are sure that such, and such did not mean to do whatever.

Gosh I’m surprised nobody told you a negative story relating to pregnancy / childbirth as I got told plenty without even asking ! I never thought pushing an 8 pound baby out of my vagina was going to be a soothing experience !
Although nobody told me how hard being a parent is, or how shit it is getting older (for majority of people at least) so both were a shock and knowing would have reduced that but ultimately wouldn’t have changed anything

I'm pretty new to MN and tend to stick with AIBU. I also enjoy Reddit style AITA....unless I've really misunderstood isn't this particular section actually asking for judgement...so Am I being unreasonable? I don't think it's helpful to be mean or just offensive but surely the idea is you point out a differing point of view for hopefully the OP to consider? When a few people say yes you are they can get quite angry.
Sometimes there's a pile on. One poster yesterday got ribbed for pointing out the obvious but she took it in good spirit. My annoyance is when eg you disagree with someone eg yes, I think you should pay up...you then get a nonscence reply like 'oh so it's OK for someone to intimidate you because you're a women. You clearly don't have children/a brain/a heart/ovaries!

I don't find MN any better/worse than other forums. The subject matter can be quite 'petty' in my eyes such as asking if it was OK to take the last biscuit but I find the fact that many of the things it focuses on are about day to day life gives me perspective on others views. It's been quite an eye-opener how much importance some mums place on Mothers Day for example. I had no idea foetuses and 1 year olds gave gifts!
But in general I'd say on a parr with other forums.

I was the first in my group of friends to have a baby. I didn't know anyone else who'd had one, except for one person at work who told me they did yoga and hypnobirthing and it was all an amazing experience and perfect. I later found out that she'd torn badly and had to have stitches. Why not just tell me that?

Also the NCT classes were all about hypnobirthing and aromatherapy and avoiding any type of intervention at all costs. I was clueless.

Afterwards I told all my friends the truth about it and when it came to them having their babies, they all opted for ELCS! Which is also what I did for my second and it was brilliant.

Do you? Someone else mentioned this recently. I don't think I've seen evidence of any trolls yet. I'm asking a genuine question here but do you really think there are groups of people who join deliberately to stir things up....I mean that know one another. Someone else suggested that too. I do think there's the odd person who will call black white just for an argument but a very small minority.

Totally agree about language. Possibly I'm more in tune to language though as I am by nature a bit of a pedant (I think I've held back on grammar corrections). I like things done properLY! I also work in a field where this influences greatly. Calling thought around language nitpicking is inaccurate and also minimises someone else's feelings. Language is VERY important.