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Original poster

I am at my wits end with my immature partner

64 replies

Alexbh · 22/03/2023 11:18

I am at my wits end in my relationship. Since the beginning my partner has demonstrated a clear lack of consideration and respect for me which he seems to think is made right by the other 65% of time he’s not being a complete pig!
My partner has always told
his friends and work colleagues personal details of our relationship or even my life which I have made him aware numerous times I do not appreciate. Four years on here we are with him on the phone with his mates in the work van this morning thinking he was funny and pointing out to all of them I’ve had Botox. I actually wanted to keep it quiet not that it mattered at all to him. I know it seems small. Buts it’s on going. He also pulls faces at me all the time and constantly sighs at me and talks to me in a tone I don’t appreciate unless he is trying to get something out of me or laugh at my expense I’ve had enough of it!

OP posts:
lazycats · 22/03/2023 11:21

Well this is Mumsnet, you know what the replies will be: LTB

SunshineAndFizz · 22/03/2023 11:23

I was about to say the same as pp. From the info you've given there'll be a unanimous outcry to leave him.

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 11:30

You know you can leave him right?

Original poster
Alexbh · 22/03/2023 11:35

SnarkyBag · 22/03/2023 11:30

You know you can leave him right?

Starting to seem like that’s the only way to put an end to his absolute swine like behaviour. Easier said than done when you have three kids , one with ALN and two under 3. But I’m tired of feeling miserable now.

OP posts:
happysingleversary · 22/03/2023 11:37

What would he do about access if you left? And would you be okay with it?

Jadviga · 22/03/2023 11:44

Well, does he have good sides ? What does he bring to your life, and is that worth putting up with this ?

He isn't going to change so you need to decide what to do on that basis.

There isn't a right or wrong way to do things here. Just decide what you can or cannot live with.

I would stop telling him or letting him know intimate détails that you don't want others to find out. And then I'd tell people about embarrassing things he's said and done, preferably in front of him. But I'm vindictive like that.

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 22/03/2023 11:45

Yet at some point you presumably thought he would be a good choice to father your children?

Eyerollcentral · 22/03/2023 11:47

Don’t have any more children with an immature prick who treats you like a joke for his friends to laugh at. He won’t change. He doesn’t seem to have any respect for you. Ask him to leave or suck it up for a couple of years until the children are at school and you can more easily work full time. Definitely do not have any more children with this moron, get a long term contraceptive sorted if you haven’t already and try to put as much money away as possible every month, even if it is only 20 quid.

neilyoungismyhero · 22/03/2023 11:49

Alexbh · 22/03/2023 11:35

Starting to seem like that’s the only way to put an end to his absolute swine like behaviour. Easier said than done when you have three kids , one with ALN and two under 3. But I’m tired of feeling miserable now.

Show quote history

Absolutely no offence intended but why on earth did you have 3 children with him?

SweetCoriander · 22/03/2023 11:51

Have you really only been with him 4 years? Or is it 4 years since you first realised he is a massive arsehole? I wasn't quite clear from your OP, sorry.

Butchyrestingface · 22/03/2023 11:59

I don't get it. If he's been like this from the very beginning, why did you agree to even keep seeing him, far less have kids with him?

There are women distraught all over this site because their seemingly loving partners have morphed into someone they don't recognise. But it seems you had fair warning straight out of the gate with this one. On the face of it, it seems unfathomable.

Sceptre86 · 22/03/2023 12:01

I agree with @Butchyrestingface . If he showed his true colours in the beginning why have 3? Everyone has different tolerance levels, presumably you put up with this behaviour for a reason? Why is that?

2bazookas · 22/03/2023 12:01

Maybe you'll text him a reminder to buy his Viagra, and accidentally send it to all his workmates.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 22/03/2023 12:02

Next time he is with his mates ask them if he told them about the time he couldn't get it up. If he gets defensive just say ah maybe you dreamt it...

HyggeTygge · 22/03/2023 12:06

65% of the time he's ok?

Would you eat a sandwich that was 35% dogshit?
5%?

Nope. Sack him off - life's too short.

Original poster
Alexbh · 22/03/2023 12:09

Why did I have kids with him if he was an arse hole?
he didn’t decide to show me he was an arse hole until I was heavily pregnant on my second child (his first) my eldest is from a previous relationship, and 10 years old. He’s a little younger than me. After that he did a good job of being nice for long enough to convince me he had changed and we had another. Wow you mrs perfects , I hope all you see is all you truly get with your own husbands and your life perfect all the way through. The rest of us understand reality happens though. And people can pretend well.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alexbh · 22/03/2023 12:10

HyggeTygge · 22/03/2023 12:06

65% of the time he's ok?

Would you eat a sandwich that was 35% dogshit?
5%?

Nope. Sack him off - life's too short.

This is the best way I have had it put to me. And I’m being so serious. Thank you for the shit sandwich reality check ! ❤️

OP posts:
Thesharkradar · 22/03/2023 12:11

He won't change, you have two choices
1-get rid of him
2-stay with him and spend the rest of your life miserable and complaining about him to anyone and everyone who will listen

What's it gonna be girl?

ReneBumsWombats · 22/03/2023 12:14

He makes you miserable and has no respect for you.

Make your decisions based on that understanding.

Eyerollcentral · 22/03/2023 12:15

Alexbh · 22/03/2023 12:09

Why did I have kids with him if he was an arse hole?
he didn’t decide to show me he was an arse hole until I was heavily pregnant on my second child (his first) my eldest is from a previous relationship, and 10 years old. He’s a little younger than me. After that he did a good job of being nice for long enough to convince me he had changed and we had another. Wow you mrs perfects , I hope all you see is all you truly get with your own husbands and your life perfect all the way through. The rest of us understand reality happens though. And people can pretend well.

But you said in your first post he was a twat from the beginning? Just don’t have any more kids with him and make your exit plan. There is always an excuse on here when someone points out your partner is a prick. Embracing reality would be saying yeah I could see he was a prick but I was lonely/wanted another baby/thought he would change.

123becauseicouldntthinkofone · 22/03/2023 12:15

As you say it isnt as simple as picking up and leaving him but i would do a month of no conversation that you do not want repeating and then when he asks why you dont talk to him about personal things anymore i would sit him down and say because i am seriously considering leaving you as you continually disrespect me and i feel i have no confidence and trust that i can confide in you...What does he plan to do about it? take it from there. It may come down with you seriously having to get things lined up to leave if he doesnt sort himself out but tell him last chance. You honestly dont want to live miserable like this for the however many years when you already have enough on your plate. Good Luck OP and hope he gets his act together.

Butchyrestingface · 22/03/2023 12:18

Alexbh · 22/03/2023 12:09

Why did I have kids with him if he was an arse hole?
he didn’t decide to show me he was an arse hole until I was heavily pregnant on my second child (his first) my eldest is from a previous relationship, and 10 years old. He’s a little younger than me. After that he did a good job of being nice for long enough to convince me he had changed and we had another. Wow you mrs perfects , I hope all you see is all you truly get with your own husbands and your life perfect all the way through. The rest of us understand reality happens though. And people can pretend well.

But you said in your opening post he was like this from the word go. Now you're contradicting that?

People can only go on the information you've provided, no point taking the arse at them for doing just that.

ExpatInSlavikLand · 22/03/2023 12:19

ShagratandGorbag4ever · 22/03/2023 11:45

Yet at some point you presumably thought he would be a good choice to father your children?

Exactly. I just don't get it. Why would you have THREE children with a disrespectful man-child like him?

Time to kick him to the curb. How would you feel if any of your kids start treating you (and others) the way your partner treats you?

CitizenofMoronia · 22/03/2023 12:20

HyggeTygge · 22/03/2023 12:06

65% of the time he's ok?

Would you eat a sandwich that was 35% dogshit?
5%?

Nope. Sack him off - life's too short.

Best comment I have ever read.

Original poster
Alexbh · 22/03/2023 12:22

Eyerollcentral · 22/03/2023 12:15

But you said in your first post he was a twat from the beginning? Just don’t have any more kids with him and make your exit plan. There is always an excuse on here when someone points out your partner is a prick. Embracing reality would be saying yeah I could see he was a prick but I was lonely/wanted another baby/thought he would change.

Show quote history

Ok so I got pregnant pretty early in our relationship on in the pandemic, does that clear it up now ? 6 months in. I really didn’t see it until I’d already had my son. Prematurely. Who has been left with problems. Everything isn’t black and white.

OP posts: