Starting at one minute to eight.......twenty-five minutes re-dialling every ten seconds until I don't get an engaged signal.
"Surgery."
"Hello, can I make an appointment for my daughter to see a doctor today please?"
"Is it an emergency?"
"I don't know."
"What are the symptoms?"
"Stomach pain and vomiting in the early hours."
"Might it have been something she ate?"
"I don't know. No one else in the family has got it."
"Is she still vomiting?"
"No, but she's still in pain. Can she be given an appointment?"
"Someone will call later on."
"When?"
"Between three and six."
"But she's in pain now. You mean no one's even going to assess her for - at best - six and a half hours, maybe ten?"
"Well, if it gets worse, take her to A&E."
"If it gets worse?"
"Or just take her anyway."
"What would I have to have said to have got her an appointment this morning?"
"You should have called at eight."
"I did call at eight."
"We're very busy. There's only two of us to answer the phone."
"I know this isn't your fault - but it's crap, isn't it?"
"Do you want a callback or not?"
"Yes, thank you. What choice do I have?"
"Well, as I say, you can take her to Accident and Emergency."
"I thought I was only supposed to do that if it's an emergency. Is it an emergency?"
"I don't know. I'm not a doctor."
"Neither am I! Actually, forget it. I'll take her to A&E. It's probably only a five or six hour wait. More importantly, if she does get worse, there will be doctors around the place. Though obviously we'll be increasing the wait for everyone there."
"Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Else?.."