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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate contact from British Gas engineer?!!

426 replies

PandaEyed13 · 21/03/2023 11:31

Bit of a weird one!

Has anyone had a gas/electric engineer respond to a call out at their property - and then had the engineer call and text their personal mobile number weeks after the work?!

Had a problem with my gas meter at my house last month and British Gas sent multiple engineers on varying dates to try and fix the issue, 4 engineers in total on 4 separate dates over the past few weeks, the issue got fixed and resolved last week, job done, lovely stuff!

Over this past weekend though I had 2 missed calls from a mobile phone number I didn't recognise. I didn't answer because it's just my personal philosophy not to answer to unfamiliar numbers, I assumed they were cold calls and forgot about it.

Yesterday morning though, I got 2 more calls from this number. Then a text - "Hi there B, (not my real name) it's 'Dan' (not his real name) from British Gas, call me back..'

Erm...that's weird right?
So when I cast my mind back, 'Dan' was engineer number 2 from visit number 2 about 3 weeks ago!

I can remember him being very friendly, really helpful - to the point of being almost above and beyond. He didn't cross any boundaries on the day. He was a teeny tiny bit vibey, like the absolute smidgen of a flirt, but not in a way that made me uncomfortable, he was just treating me a bit 'damsel in distressy,' which I didnt think much of at the time, I just wanted the work done! He even offered to call my DH for me at his work and explain what work he was doing at the house so I didn't have to bother trying to suss out the jargon to relay back to him. I said no thanks, but me being married became known information!

Fast forward 3 weeks and he's called my personal mobile number from his 4 times and sent a text asking me to call him. This is weird, yes? Boundary crossing? Call-out engineers never do follow up calls right? None of the other 3 engineers who came to my house have contacted me! I called my mum right after and DH on his work break and both freaked out, like "what if he's a nutter, he knows where you live!" etc etc.

My mum advised to reply to his text saying "no thanks, I won't be calling as the work has been completed at our property now, but thanks for your help on the day" and then to block his number if he replies to that or calls again. So I sent that text this morning and no reply as of yet. DH wants his number to call him though and ask what the F he wants! I spoke to British Gas this morning and they said it's not commonplace for call-out engineers to make contact with residents of properties they have attended or to make follow up calls and do I want to start an investigation. I said I didn't know because I haven't heard anything else since I sent my "thanks but no thanks" message a few hours ago, so they said call back if I get anything else.

I don't want to get anyone in trouble if it's all innocent, or antagonise anyone if it's not!

And DH is chomping at the bit for me to pass his number on so he can ring him, which I'm also reluctant to do?

Ideas, opinions? Anyone else had the 'friendly engineer' hit them up? I tried to Google whether engineers do this and there's absolutely nothing, so I'm thinking - no, they don't! Even if he is just following up on the day, it's still inappropriate and boundary crossing right? How he got my mobile num, I don't even know, he's a call-out engineer not a call centre agent with account access!

Didn't know where else to post this so went with AIBU, although I don't think I am to be freaked out!

OP posts:
Imicola · 21/03/2023 14:46

Honestly - we so often put our own feelings aside and worry about upsetting a man who has done something inappropriate. He's done something strange, and it is making you feel uncomfortable...as it would also make me feel uncomfortable. If I was in your shoes I would ask them to investigate. If he's lost a tool or whatever, fine, they can determine that and sort it out without freaking you out.

I had a similar situation (not the same, but also an odd thing that made me really uncomfortable). I laughed it off for a bit, as did my colleagues (it was a workplace issue), then eventually spoke to someone senior who took it really seriously. I'm so glad that happened. They spoke to him and let him know it was out of line, and it didn't happen again (but I still get freaked out when I think about it).

So - regardless of the reason behind him doing this, the fact is it is not a normal thing to happen and he has made you feel uncomfortable, and that should be dealt with. Please don't minimise your own discomfort as unimportant or out of proportion.

FuckNuggets · 21/03/2023 14:47

Moveoverdarlin · 21/03/2023 13:08

You sound like you’re loving this OP. Told your Mum, your husband is chomping at the bit, been on the phone to British Gas whizzing up all this drama that hasn’t even happened yet. Jeez it’s so embarrassing! It’s 2023, men are allowed to ring married women. He may be checking the work, he may have lost a tool and may be wondering if he left it at your property. If you had rang him back and he asked you out or said anything inappropriate THEN complain.

If you'd bothered TRTF you would have seen her DH rang him back and he hung up on him! So maybe it's you being a drama llama, hmmm?

EightChalk · 21/03/2023 14:49

Is this some new time-travel version of Mumsnet? Mumsnet 1975? Men contacting women inappropriately having obtained their numbers via other purposes is no longer ok! Not that it ever should have been.

IF it was innocent HE COULD HAVE JUST SAID WHY HE WAS CONTACTING HER IN ONE OF THE MESSAGES. In case you have indeed time-travelled to post on this thread, they no longer charge by the word like the telegrams you may be more used to.

FuckNuggets · 21/03/2023 14:49

Jesus fucking Christ! The amount of people that don't bother to TRTFT! 🤦🏻‍♀️

rwalker · 21/03/2023 14:50

EvelynKatie · 21/03/2023 14:41

But yet he managed to send a text message... that didn't mention why he was calling? If he'd left something that was worth a lot of money surely he'd at least leave voicemail/text message explaining why he was calling several times over a weekend?

Show quote history

No because from experience when they know you want back they say you haven’t left it there and keep it

Original poster
PandaEyed13 · 21/03/2023 14:57

rwalker · 21/03/2023 14:50

No because from experience when they know you want back they say you haven’t left it there and keep it

Show quote history

He didn't leave a tool at mine, and I'm just not mentioning it and I'm stealing it.

I know that's not what you're saying or accusing me of. I can just assure every single last person here, there are no tools here!

OP posts:
puffinpetra · 21/03/2023 14:59

I think you've shot your self in the foot a bit op. Had you rang him you would have found out if his intentions were inappropriate (which sounds more likely following your update) and reported him with actual evidence. Then he could have been dealt with and stopped from doing it again.

Had it been innocent you could have avoided the drama and speculation.

As it stands nothing will come of it because he can just claim he was contacting you innocently and hanging up on your dh isn't a crime.

DilemmaADay · 21/03/2023 14:59

@Cigarettesaftersex1 oh eff off yourself, instead of telling everyone else to.

Maybe after the follow-up call with the company it doesn't seem like good intentions. But I'm sick of women having to get the "Big Bad Husband" involved to tell the "Big Bad Man" to get lost. What about all those women who don't have male partners or relatives and have to sort everything out themselves without getting a man involved, wading in to save the day

six666 · 21/03/2023 15:02

I don't think you are being in the least bit unreasonable and can't understand why so many other people on here seem to think you are!

EvelynKatie · 21/03/2023 15:03

rwalker · 21/03/2023 14:50

No because from experience when they know you want back they say you haven’t left it there and keep it

Show quote history

People can also just say that on a phone call though? So that doesn't give a reason.

EvelynKatie · 21/03/2023 15:05

puffinpetra · 21/03/2023 14:59

I think you've shot your self in the foot a bit op. Had you rang him you would have found out if his intentions were inappropriate (which sounds more likely following your update) and reported him with actual evidence. Then he could have been dealt with and stopped from doing it again.

Had it been innocent you could have avoided the drama and speculation.

As it stands nothing will come of it because he can just claim he was contacting you innocently and hanging up on your dh isn't a crime.

OP wasn't comfortable with the several phone calls, why should she then have to potentially put herself in the position of it getting even more inappropriate just to make sure?!
If it was innocent, he could have left a message, sent a text, contacted BG to make contact with OP, and wouldn't have hung up on her DH.

2023a · 21/03/2023 15:05

PandaEyed13 · 21/03/2023 14:32

Yep, just had someone ask why I didn't just call him back and save speaking to my husband.

Yeah because I'm going to call a strange man back, in response to his "hey call me back.." text and 5 missed calls - without saying anything to my husband!

Show quote history

I think most of us would have texted. ‘What do you want?’ or some variation of that. And then if the response wasn’t ‘I forgot my spanner’ or something similarly acceptable, we’d have told him not to contact us, blocked him, reported it, or in some way escalated from there. But the immediate response would have been to seek clarification.

You haven’t done anything wrong. However, your responses to all this haven’t been entirely standard and some posters REALLY don’t like when people deviate from what they consider the acceptable responses to things.

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 21/03/2023 15:05

No wonder men get away with being inappropriate after these responses or is it that these women don't realise their husbands are up to no good.

Ffs you did not over react and if he gets in trouble then tough shit.

Women ffs raise the fucking bar.

rwalker · 21/03/2023 15:09

EvelynKatie · 21/03/2023 15:03

People can also just say that on a phone call though? So that doesn't give a reason.

Show quote history

If you text directly you get a flat no
if you speak to them with confidence and tell them you left it there and what time is best to come back for it you’ve more less chance of getting it back it’s a lot easier to lie on a text than in a conversation

limitedperiodonly · 21/03/2023 15:11

I think you've shot your self in the foot a bit op. Had you rang him you would have found out if his intentions were inappropriate (which sounds more likely following your update) and reported him with actual evidence. Then he could have been dealt with and stopped from doing it again.

Think on, OP. According to @puffinpetra you should be a cross between a tethered goat and Miss Marple.

YankeeDad · 21/03/2023 15:13

PandaEyed13 · 21/03/2023 14:57

He didn't leave a tool at mine, and I'm just not mentioning it and I'm stealing it.

I know that's not what you're saying or accusing me of. I can just assure every single last person here, there are no tools here!

Show quote history

I have not RTFT, only your posts, but it sounds as though the only "tool" in this story is the engineer who kept pestering you.

Well done for reporting it!

limitedperiodonly · 21/03/2023 15:13

If you text directly you get a flat no. if you speak to them with confidence and tell them you left it there and what time is best to come back for it you’ve more less chance of getting it back it’s a lot easier to lie on a text than in a conversation

@rwalker you sound very experienced in the cold-calling of clients.

JauntyJinty · 21/03/2023 15:13

rwalker · 21/03/2023 15:09

If you text directly you get a flat no
if you speak to them with confidence and tell them you left it there and what time is best to come back for it you’ve more less chance of getting it back it’s a lot easier to lie on a text than in a conversation

Show quote history

If he knew with certainty he left something there he wouldn't wait 3 weeks before trying to get it back

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 15:15

DilemmaADay · 21/03/2023 14:59

@Cigarettesaftersex1 oh eff off yourself, instead of telling everyone else to.

Maybe after the follow-up call with the company it doesn't seem like good intentions. But I'm sick of women having to get the "Big Bad Husband" involved to tell the "Big Bad Man" to get lost. What about all those women who don't have male partners or relatives and have to sort everything out themselves without getting a man involved, wading in to save the day

Ah OK so she shouldn't mention it to the man she's married to and lives with then? Don't you have conversations in your house with the people you live with?

puffinpetra · 21/03/2023 15:16

limitedperiodonly · 21/03/2023 15:11

I think you've shot your self in the foot a bit op. Had you rang him you would have found out if his intentions were inappropriate (which sounds more likely following your update) and reported him with actual evidence. Then he could have been dealt with and stopped from doing it again.

Think on, OP. According to @puffinpetra you should be a cross between a tethered goat and Miss Marple.

No need to be silly. It's the logical thing to do in my opinion. If she wasn't comfortable, fine. But it could have been something totally innocent and either way she would have known and therefore would have been able to act appropriately instead of all the speculating. What's difficult about calling a number? If he had bad intentions she could have hung up immediately and reported him. No Miss Maple skills necessary. Not like I'm suggesting she meet him down a dark alley is it?

Much less dramatic had it all turned out to be innocent though I guess.

girlfriend44 · 21/03/2023 15:17

Big deal even if he did want to ask you out, its what humans do, stop talking life so seriously. Chill out. Just say no.

You'll be worrying when someone dosent fancy you if this was the case.
So bloody serious.

Floordilemma · 21/03/2023 15:17

I can't believe people think you're being unreasonable.
Not recording his visit and then multiple attempts to contact you, hanging up on your husband. You've done the right thing.
He's in a position where he's not exactly a stranger and has been in your house before, so your guard might be down. But no one would have known he'd been there.

puffinpetra · 21/03/2023 15:18

Miss Marple obviously 🙈

Cigarettesaftersex1 · 21/03/2023 15:18

girlfriend44 · 21/03/2023 15:17

Big deal even if he did want to ask you out, its what humans do, stop talking life so seriously. Chill out. Just say no.

You'll be worrying when someone dosent fancy you if this was the case.
So bloody serious.

I really do despair

limitedperiodonly · 21/03/2023 15:22

It's the logical thing to do in my opinion.

@puffinpetra but not to me or the OP. She has a contract with British Gas, why not let them deal with it?

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