AIBU to be upset about ex’s past?

[jellytotsbeans]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, so not long at all. We went on 5 dates before becoming official so pretty quick!

Up until now it’s been amazing. He can’t do enough for me, he treats me well and we have so much fun together. It’s all headed in such a positive direction.

Yesterday he was showing me something on his phone and he scrolled pretty far back. I saw messages from two other girls from early October, the time that me and him were dating.
He told me at the time he wasn’t interested in anyone else. Plus we always speak fondly about when we dates and reminisce, and he’s always said there was no one else on the scene and that he only dated one person in the summer.

In fairness, he was texting very bluntly with one girl since he knew me, and eventually he stopped replying to her. While we were on dates he asked her to “squeeze in a walk” and “pick her up” which hurt but he said that he was intending on ending things on the walk as he’d been sleeping with her a few times. I don’t think they actually went in the end.
The other girl is what hurt. He had actually met up with her the day after our second date (which we both agreed was amazing, and he said it’s the one that made him decide he had no interest in anyone else). He told me he was at work. He’d texted her saying “regret not doing that sooner 👀”. And very flirty messages with wink faces. He claims he meant about the date, as they’d been trying to go on one for a while, and he said he was just trying to be nice. She’s actually the one that stopped replying to him.

I don’t know why I feel so upset but it makes me feel sick thinking about it. I don’t know why he didn’t just tell me he was seeing other people. I’d rather that than be lied to. He said he didn’t want to upset me for no reason because after all, he chose me, which is true.

I’ve never had any other reason to not trust him. I always see his phone (not snooping just he doesn’t hide it from me) and there’s no one else on the scene. He’s very open and loving with me.

So AIBU to be upset?

I’m not sure OP….he met a girl the day after your second date? So was likely planned before your second date. I don’t think arranging to meet someone else after having only been on 1 date with you is a red flag personally- but clearly you feel like you were on different pages. If it is going to impact your feelings toward him then call it off. I am not sure how you avoid it going forward though, unless you are asking people to be exclusive after 1 date?

I am shocked at how many women think his actions are ok.
People should set their own expectations and boundaries within what they consider appropriate dating norms not what society/men dictate or present as what you should put up with.
Communicate exactly from the start what you will and will not participate in or put up with, stop being passive.

Well, he would tell you that wouldn’t he - coz the other girl fucked him off.

It all sounds very intense for 5 months in. He’s already lied to you and it’s sounds like he’s lovebombing you. Be sensible.

Totally get it.

He technically did nothing wrong.

He also went on a date with you, thought “I wonder if I can do better” and that’s why it stings. You feel like you can’t be angry, but you both felt differently when he’s been acting as if you were on the same, amazing page from day 1.

Whilst we all know no one is immediately exclusive with OLD, what we don’t know/see is easy to romanticise.

Now you have a choice. Forget it and move on or end it.

He technically did nothing wrong
Other than lovebomb someone he'd been on a couple of dates with, outright lie to her, then months later show her the messages showing he lied.

If he hadn't love bombed and said they were exclusive, I'd agree with you because it is common for people to get to know a few people casually before committing.

He's testing to see if OP will tolerate his awful attitude and accept crumbs from him.