To think a lot of OPs seem to cry at the drop of a hat in life?

[OldFan]

I mean, I know we can't believe all we read on here, and some of them could be completely made up threads and the person claiming they're crying to add to the drama factor.

But a lot of them seem really grizzly, don't they? (I don't mean any one thread.)

I think I cried once in the last few years or something- the other week when my block was flooded and everyone was evacuated. I was storing my best friend's stuff, some of it books that are worth thousands, and thought they might be damaged/devalued. Thankfully all was ok in the end.

I only cry when one of my pets die. Very rarely cry thankfully.

I think YAB a bit U. Yes, there are the 🤨 ones who claim to be sobbing / crying and shaking for trivial reasons. But apart from those, you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives that could make them emotionally vulnerable. I used to rarely cry, but tbh I feel worn down by a lot of shit that’s happened to me, and I’m much more likely to get distressed to the point of tears now. Never in public though.

Do you put more value on material goods than relationships? Just asking because of what you said about expensive books.

I explained upthread about that. I'm not like that about material things but my friend is and they were his, and he doesn't have many. Wouldn't you be upset if someone else's stuff you were storing for them was damaged in your house?

Because they weren't mine, they are my best friend's, and I know they're important to him. And their worth thousands of pounds. Maybe it'd be more sad because he's on dialysis, he could die at any time. So I try to make his life as ok as I can.

He doesn't have much money as he has kidney failure and has been unable to work for decades. So they're one of the few things that are worth money that he owns. They weren't worth money when he brought them but they happen to be now, because he's kept them and taken care of them.

I feel that it was more of a pity the way he was manipulated and cheated by Tom Parker

I feel it is a pity that he was obsessed with virgins to the point of dating a 14 year old when he was an adult, plus all his other pervy shenanigans, which seem to get completely overlooked because he was handsome when he was young 🙄.

I'm a cryer.

I cry at TV shows, general injustices, hearing about violence against women and girls, sad songs and much more.

I don't go round crying my eyes out, but I do get touched by certain things.

I cry when I'm angry, which pisses me off because it negates my point in an argument.

She's just turned a year. I don't think it's a regression necessarily, I feel much more alive emotionally since I've had her and I wouldn't want to go back to feeling neutral all the time and nothing ever affecting me. It can definitely be a hindrance at times though!

I cry at everything.

Adverts
Tv/movies
If I'm frustrated
If I'm angry
Sad
Happy

I cried last week because my laptop charger had died and I needed to work. Although I would caveat that with the fact we lost a close friend to suicide on Thursday and this was on the following Monday so I was walking an emotional tightrope already.

I don't think it's necessarily a new thing for me. Crying in frustration is probably the reason I cry the most. I'm in my 40s so not a silly little girl, but I also know during ovulation and the week before my period I'm at my worst.

But apart from those, you don’t know what’s going on in people’s lives that could make them emotionally vulnerable. I used to rarely cry, but tbh I feel worn down by a lot of shit that’s happened to me, and I’m much more likely to get distressed to the point of tears now. Never in public though.

@FictionalCharacter I do understand mental health problems and trauma etc as I have a severe mental health disability myself and stuff. But I think people should get help and try to develop as much resilience as they can.

EMDR really helped me by the way, I was a complete skeptic but I'd recommend it, the results were great. You can get it on the NHS now too.

Two years ago (nearly) my husband became severely disabled. We have two kids and do you know what? I wish I could cry nowadays because it is a release.

For some reason, my brain has gone into a coping mechanism which actually doesn't help in a weird way.

No one on here knows what other people are going through and their life. If you don't like it, scroll on. I have empathy and I don't judge, mainly because people wouldn't probably know what we are going through.
It won't change your life if you read that but it might help them.

I don't cry very much at all but after having therapy I now realise that this is not actually a good thing.

It's because I was brought up to believe that expressing emotion was weak and wrong.

I think I'd be a lot better off if I cried more TBH so it's not a case of crying more = bad, crying less = resilient.

Not crying didn't stop me having a breakdown and ending up in a psychiatric hospital.

Everything is a balance - is it healthy to weep and wail and gnash teeth about normal everyday ups and downs? No

Is it normal to go years without crying unless you have the most stable, contented life? Also no

I don't cry. It's been a tough old life. I've learned I can only depend on ME. So what's the point?

I don't believe crying or lack of has anything to do with strength of character or resilience now that I think more about it.

If you're in a challenging situation, you can let yourself feel the perfectly normal emotions involved and express those through crying and that has no correlation with whether or not you then rise to the challenge and work through it.

The two things are not at all mutually exclusive.

Equally someone can have a stiff upper lip and be quite incapable and/or unwilling to do very much to get through or out of a situation they find themselves in.

You're conflating two things which are quite distinct.

Crying or not crying is simply the amount to which you feel comfortable/able or uncomfortable/unable to express emotions.

Resilience is about action, problem solving, determination to keep taking positive actions or steps towards a positive resolution and hope.

I completely agree. Crying doesn’t mean you are not resilient. Not being a person who cries doesn’t mean you are resilient.

Perhaps someone who is moved/upset enough to cry about something is more likely to make a post about it than someone who has had an experience that didn’t move or upset them?

And as you can see from many answers - not crying (like crying a lot) is often a trauma response....

Not crying because you were brought up to believe emotion made you weak

Not crying because you found out that no-one came to comfort you or help you anyway so there was no point

Not crying because you've lost someone and are stuck in a place where you're still in a form of emotional shock and numbness

As far as I know, Elvis and Priscilla didn’t sleep together until they were married.
I think that it’s a bit disingenuous to say that he was obsessed with 14 year old virgins ffs!
I met my husband when I was 14 and he was 19.
I can assure you that it was perfectly chaste.

Yes I would be upset if that happened. Thanks for clarifying I’m too poorly to keep my eyes open for loads of posts.

but I still stand that it’s ok to cry, and not a sign of weakness

I don't really find this, I mostly find people say they've been crying because they've found out their OH has been cheating on them which I really can understand. I always think that if they're crying because their husband missed mothers day, or whatever more minor problem, that that is probably actually just the straw that broke the camels back.

I do find the MN is keen to jump on any perceived sign of weakness though, all the time it's 'oh doesn't everyone seem to have mental health issues now'. 'doesn't everyone seem to have ASD/ADHD now' 'don't people seem to be so much less resilient now', 'don't people now always seem to think that being a bit sad means they're depressed', 'don't people now always seem to think that being a bit nervous about something means they're suffering with anxiety'.

It's just constant and just suggests to me that a lot of people are lacking in empathy while stealth bragging about how strong and resilient they are - rather than appreciating that they're just lucky.

I cry a lot because I'm very empathetic, I can hold it back when I wish but I find it really helpful to cry. Tears actually contain feel good chemicals so I think the non-criers could be missing out. Nothing better than weeping through a good TV drama too.

I have become a bit of an angry crier in mid life. I’ve always had a temper but used to rarely shed a tear.

It goes when I really get going on the shouting though, so I don’t think it’s cramping my style.

I cry at everything. I mean everything. A particular harmony in a song, a sad advert on TV, seeing an old man going to get the Sunday paper in a smart suit by himself. When I'm mad, when I'm tired, when I'm frustrated, when I'm happy. When I'm pleased for or proud of someone else. I genuinely think I cry (or well up) at least once a day. I've always been this way.

I'm also extremely resilient, great in a crisis, good at emotionally rationalising things. I've been through enough in my 30-something years that would floor some people. I'm not emotionally incontinent - but my physical reaction to ...basically any emotion too far from baseline is to cry, or at least get tearful.

It's very inconvenient!

@Oatsamazing i agree. Last year when my Dad was diagnosed with cancer I bottled it up for ages. I also work in the department where he had his treatment so tried to keep all my emotions in. He then showed me the letter detailing his discussion with the consultant and I discovered that his cancer was more advanced then I had first thought. That night I went home and I had an emotional blow out like I’ve never had before, crying screaming and wailing and I couldn’t stop. My children and husband came running to help. I did feel better after this though.

previous to this, I have always been a crier though. And I feel very resilient.

All posts on MN should be treated with a healthy dose of scepticism

Any that mention sobbing and shaking can be dismissed as false.

I dont often cry for myself, if that makes sense. I did just cry up when someone won on ' the wheel' just now and I quite often cry at sad thngs on the TV and also when other people cry in real life

I’m a crier but a very private one. Everyone thinks I’m tough but I’m a big softie. Crying is good for you to an extent.

This is me. Happy things, sad things, annoying things. All the things. Waah waaah waaaah.