To be sick of thoughtless DH?

[Theepissedoff]

I'm just so annoyed this weekend.

We went out Saturday for my DHs friends birthday all good, he managed to get himself some new clothes and shoes for it.

Came to Sunday and I got absolutely nothing (which makes me sad because it's my first Mother's Day to two children but hey ho) he said he ordered a card on Friday and it's not his fault it didn't arrive in time?? Okay whatever.

Today has really pissed me off though, he has a work thing and he's taken the bloody car seats and pram with him so I can't pick the children up from the childminders (he dropped them off before work and then just set off with everything in the car). I've had to embarrass myself and be a CF and ask the childminder if she can drop them off (she literally only lives five minutes away so she doesn't mind but I do, I look like a terrible mum).

He's literally like this all the time, he's completely thoughtless and selfish and I'm just so mad and pissed off.

He says he thinks he has ADHD. Okay cool then go to the doctors and stop making it my problem. I'm sick of picking up the slack and having to do absolutely everything and I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so angry.

Yeah he’s a thoughtless person for sure but what can you do to change him ? That’s the thing about it ? Will he change?

YANBU. Ordering a card on Friday expecting it to arrive by Sunday is bonkers.

ADHD doesn't make you a selfish twat.

Yes I’d be sick of him too. If the card doesn’t arrive, do something else! Breakfast in bed, flowers, baking. There are endless options.

Have a serious talk with him about how his attitude is making you rethink the marriage and if he feels ADHD is the problem he needs a doctors appt pronto plus a few evenings researching workable strategies for getting through life that he can implement.

He doesn’t respect you and he's taking you for granted. Ask him if he actually wants to be a husband and father.

No but it can make seemingly basic tasks difficult.

The issue here is that if he thinks he has ADHD he must do something about it, it's not just his life being impacted.

That’s ok. Just tuck this up your sleeve for another time when you can get your own back. Your day will come so play the long game.
Father’s Day is in June I think. Forget about it!
Neither actions will help your relationship in the long run but you might enjoy thinking about it!
Stay cool.
Id be as frustrated as you !

DH has been like this for 30 years, and honestly I'm past caring. I live around it, not with it, but if I had my time over again, I'd have walked away the first time he showed me his true colours. I almost envy him for being able to put himself 1st always, but now I don't even stop to consider doing something nice because he never does it in return. It's not a nice way to live, truthfully.

If he's going to use ADHD as an excuse for being thoughtless and selfish, he needs to get to the GP within an agreed timeframe and engage with a plan for dealing with it.

If he won't, he's just the regular kind of useless.

He's literally like this all the time, he's completely thoughtless and selfish and I'm just so mad and pissed off.

This is a slow death for a partnership, it really is. If he won't listen to you and accept that he needs to make some changes for the benefit of the family, then you will have to decide what changes you are going to make.

He says he thinks he has ADHD
😂

Yes, it's a complex variant that only affects other people's convenience, not his own.

He managed the logistics of buying new clothes & shoes for himself - but a card for somebody else was beyond him.

He can manage to remember the car seats for his own journey, but not the journey somebody else is going to need to do.

Yanbu! Book him a docs appointment

He says he thinks he has ADHD. Okay cool then go to the doctors and stop making it my problem. I'm sick of picking up the slack and having to do absolutely everything and I don't even know why I'm posting this. I'm just so angry.

Yeah. I think I have ADHD. I'm not diagnosed or even getting diagnosed. The difference is I'm self-aware enough to put things in place that I don't impact other people, expect them to deal with the fallout of my chaos, or sort out the (metaphorical and literal) messes I regularly make.

Sounds like he thinks it's a fabulous get out of jail free card for being a lazy selfish thoughtless twat tbh. '<sad face> oh but I have ADHDeeeeeee'

Ordering a card on Friday is obviously ridiculous. Driving off with the seats in the car is understandable, presumably he needed the car seats to drop them off, would he normally come back home with the seats before going to work?

Pram I'm a bit divided on as obviously it is a nightmare but it's the sort of thing I'd do as I'd forget it was in the boot so I can't condemn him without being a hypocrite.

Yes he started at 11 today and dropped them off at 8 so he had 2.5 hours to take them out.

I'm not too bothered about the pram as we do tend to leave them in the car but it leaves me with physically no way of collecting them now, that's my issue really that he's buggered me up.

Actually to be fair he set off at 9.45 but that's still 1 hour and 45 minutes to leave me the car seats.

I'm just pissed off, it's just always happening and like said it's affecting our family life.

I'll book him a doctors appointment and take it from there because he won't book his own. All life admin falls on me - I think i'm just very stressed!

I'll book him a doctors appointment and take it from there because he won't book his own.

All life admin falls on me - I think i'm just very stressed!

It's no surprise, stop doing it?

Yeah, I'd be stressed too. You are a better woman than me OP. He'd be gone. Life is hard enough without adding a shit husband to the mix.

That's not ADHD, that's being an absolute belter. Sympathy, OP. It's maddening

I mean, I have ADHD but I’m not a thoughtless twat as a result of it. He just doesn’t give two shits about anything that doesn’t immediately come to mind; see mental load!

I don't know why you are putting the childminder out for something that isn't their problem. I'd be phoning dh to come home from work to grab the children. How will he learn if his mistakes get fixed around him.

I would find it hard to respect someone so self centred.

As the childminder is so nearby do you have a baby sling you could use and the other LO take your hand?

He literally cannot come home unfortunately it's a "work thing" so not a normal work day and he's miles away which makes it more infuriating. If he was closer I'd go and get them myself I don't really want to put the childminder out. I asked if I could borrow the car seats she has and I'd return them in the morning but she said as she's literally around the corner (less than 5 mins) she doesn't mind dropping them off. I offered to pay her an hours worth for dropping them off but she said no. There's no other solution sadly.

DS can't walk - he's disabled which adds to all the stresses or id have done this. I did think of a sling and carrying Ds but he's the size of a 4 year old (at 2) so it wouldn't work, I'd really struggle. I did think of every possible solution before asking the childminder.

Yep, I have adhd.

I plan my day with help from DH, so this sort of thing doesn't happen.

I can be perfectly organised on my own but it works reallywell identifying pinch points & managing expectations.

So I'm in the he's being a thoughtless twer camp here.