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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Caught between my DC and my mum on Mother’s Day, WIBU?

48 replies

Embarrassedatschool · 19/03/2023 17:37

There was an event at my DCs school today for Mother’s Day. Most of Key Stage 2 where there (so most of Years 3 to 6) plus younger ones with siblings in KS2 and over 95% of DCs class, and then around 75-80% of the other 2 Y4 classes – DC is 8, almost 9 but one of the youngest in their class (July born).
My mum came to this event with me.

Halfway through there was a bit of quiet while the Y4s got themselves organised for their next bit on stage and my mum loudly asks me “So which teacher is Mrs X (Headteacher) that (DCs name) doesn’t like very much? The one who told them off when they did X”

My DC went bright red and refused to stay on stage, ran off crying and didn’t show their face for the rest of the event.

My mum has refused to apologise and says that it’s just what she does and she wasn’t lying as DC doesn’t like their HT much – DC does like the headteacher but on one particular day DC had had an awful day and been sent to the HT to calm down (not as a punishment) and DC didn’t like that as they felt watched and even if DC didn’t like the HT there was no need for my mum to ask me so publicly and loudly, she could of asked about it after the event.

DC has refused to go to the Mother’s Day Lunch because they think the HT and/or classmates will see them and ask them. DC is really private and doesn’t like anyone else knowing that they even exist, they have friends at school though and where quite upset and embarrassed. I’m a single parent so had to bring DC home.

Mums now saying DC has ruined Mother’s Day by being a brat, and DC could have just let it go because the HT doesn’t care, and it was only the truth. I've tried explaining that it's not about the HT herself, DC is fine with them, DC just did not need most of the school knowing and there was no need to ask me. Mum refuses to accept she was in the wrong and in fact laughed and said "That's just me, take me or leave me"

So WIBU Mum or DC?

I of course will not be inviting mum to any future events.

OP posts:
mbosnz · 19/03/2023 17:39

Generally when people say 'take me or leave me', they feel very comfortable in the belief that you're just gonna suck it up buttercup.

She embarrassed and humiliated your DC. Like you, it would be a cold day in hell before she was given the opportunity to do so again.

TeenDivided · 19/03/2023 17:41

"That's just me, take me or leave me"

Easy then. Leave her at home in future.

DrunkenKoala · 19/03/2023 17:41

I’d leave her too.

Cornishclio · 19/03/2023 17:42

I would be leaving her. Generally if anyone says take me or leave me it is because they know they have been obnoxious. Your poor DC.

Coffeellama · 19/03/2023 17:42

You no your mum was, you’ve basically written it.

NoSquirrels · 19/03/2023 17:43

Ugh. I’d have been livid with anyone who did that and refused to apologise, ‘special day’ or no. You might be used to putting up with her - I imagine she was the same when you were a child - but that doesn’t mean it’s OK.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2023 17:43

Mum refuses to accept she was in the wrong and in fact laughed and said "That's just me, take me or leave me"

Pick 'leave me; then.

She's been an arsehole. Focus on DD and plan what to do with her to manage her feelings and work through what happened.

pippinsleftleg · 19/03/2023 17:43

Mum IBU - she shouldn’t have said it and embarrassed DC, she should have apologised and she shouldn’t be claiming DC ruined Mother’s Day

CheekyHusky · 19/03/2023 17:44

You’re to take her or leave her, because that’s who she is. But DC is not afforded the same privilege Hmm

DM is BU

ghostyslovesheets · 19/03/2023 17:44

Your mum is the 'brat' here - not your child

Randobelia · 19/03/2023 17:45

She sounds a complete bitch with absolutely zero social awareness. Poor kids. Hope you're okay OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2023 17:45

FWIW FIL is similar. His own children have poor boundaries around it. He's done something like this to my nephew. I made it clear that if he was emotionally harmful to my DC, that was it, no contact. Oddly, doesn't do anything to mine.

Set boundaries. The first is she doesn't get to enter the school again. Ever.

DoristheDuchess · 19/03/2023 17:46

Don't throw your daughter under the bus by buying the brat narrative.

Take your mum at her word and leave her.

She knew she humiliated your daughter but doesn't care. Show your daughter you do care.

35965a · 19/03/2023 17:48

Your mum is 100% the problem in this situation, not your child.

Fladdermus · 19/03/2023 17:49

My MIL was a bit outspoken and said something out loud that upset my DD once. She overheard another parent telling me DD was crying in another room and instantly recognised that she was cause, and rushed off to find DD to apologise and fix it. But that's because my MIL is not a dick.

AviMav · 19/03/2023 17:49

Your mum should of kept her mouth closed! Ekkkk take a step back your own family are your direct priority (your kids)

Bonjovispjs · 19/03/2023 17:49

Your mum is horrible, absolutely no need to humiliate your daughter like that. I'm with everyone else, I'd leave her too.

Jonagirl · 19/03/2023 17:50

"Take me or leave me" - absolutely leave her, rude cow

Changingplace · 19/03/2023 17:52

Wow your mum was well out of order, she could’ve had the humility to at least be embarrassed! She’s behaved terribly, your poor DC :(

ElegantlyTouched · 19/03/2023 17:53

She need sto apologise to both you and dd and I'd have little to do with her until she does. My mother was like that, and I can still remember times she's embarrassed me like that 20 years on. She'd declare she did no wrong.

Bunnyhascovidnoteggs · 19/03/2023 17:54

The thing about flouncing is it can backfire
. My dm flounced out of my house once.
I didn't chase her for 10 years...
Blissful op. I did contact her for a legal reason (court) and brief reconciliation... Then I went nc. Been 11 years and will stay that way...
Your dm is playing a dangerous game ime. Leave her to it.

Indigoshift · 19/03/2023 17:58

Your Mum is so in the wrong here. She should understand the embarrassment of her actions.

As a side.. school on a Sunday.Confused

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 19/03/2023 17:58

Mum refuses to accept she was in the wrong and in fact laughed and said "That's just me, take me or leave me"

Nice of her to make it a really easy choice (the latter, for clarification).

Take her at her word and leave her to it.

Embarrassedatschool · 19/03/2023 18:00

Indigoshift · 19/03/2023 17:58

Your Mum is so in the wrong here. She should understand the embarrassment of her actions.

As a side.. school on a Sunday.Confused

@Indigoshift We finished early on Friday instead as a one off, it was a Mothering Sunday event (CofE State School, but very oversubscribed and many parents love that the school do this).

OP posts:
Indigoshift · 19/03/2023 18:01

Good on the teachers. Actually really sweet.