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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of random men thinking they can just be twats to women?

57 replies

SpreadableCheeseOnEverything · 19/03/2023 15:01

I have name changed for this as I will probably rant about it to friends and on a FB group I'm on, too.

I just went into town and was being served at the till, and was chatting to the woman whilst she served me. She said the word 'shit' during our conversation then said 'oops sorry for swearing' and I said 'Oh don't worry, I work with all men so there's loads of swearing at my work', which is true; I do work with all men on my team and there is a lot of bad language, which I couldn't give a shit about and often join in with.

A random man walking past the til turned round and said to me 'You CAN'T say that'. I have had more than enough of 'ignoring' random mens' comments so I replied 'I can say that. I just did say that. I can say anything I want, thanks'. He was visibly shocked and annoyed that I'd dare to answer him back. I am certain he would not have said a thing if my 6ft 3 husband was with me at the time. I only ever get these comments when I'm on my own. I didn't even say anything bad, it's not like I said 'All men are bastards and rape women'

I also work with a couple of men (not on my team, luckily) who clearly do not like women, as they will go out of their way in meetings to argue against anything I say, and to 'prove me wrong', whilst if a male colleague says the same thing, even in the same meeting, they couldn't agree more and are falling over themselves to back said male up.

I just get so many seemingly minor incidences of men thinking they can just be twats to women and I'm sick of it!

OP posts:
DannyZukosSmile · 19/03/2023 17:13

I absolutely feel your pain. When I was younger, in my 20s, nine and a half stone (at five foot 4 inches tall,) I was cycling to work one morning, and a bloke probably about 30 years old, in a group of about six men said 'oi oi , you're a great big fat pig, aren't you?' as I was cycling past. Size 10-12 and 9 and a half stone. And I was a great big fat pig. Confused

I've also just been walking in the street (when in my early 30s,) and got some random middle-aged man saying 'all right darling fancy a drink?' And I've ignored him or said 'no thank you' and walked away. And I hear him shout 'well, I'm not fucking desperate anyway, you ugly cunt.' This kind of thing happened multiple times. Men hitting on me, and getting abusive when I rejected them.

Some men are absolute fucking arseholes. Yes, I know that some men are OK, but some are just vile ... I mean, would it be OK with them, if other men talked like this to their sister, their mother, or grandmother, or niece? Why do some men think it's okay to speak to women they don't know at all? Just forcing conversation on them, and feeling women OWE them a response, and abusing them if they DARE to not give them the reaction they want.

Quite often, STILL, even in my 50s, I have random men between 10 years younger than me and 15 years older, telling me to smile. Just the other day, I just scowled at one man who said this. He walked off saying, 'you're a miserable cow, aren't you?' How fucking DARE he? The entitlement of some men is absolutely fucking disgusting. They would never speak like this to other men. And you don't get women speaking to this to men either.

I see we have a sickening NAMALT apologist on here, say 'not all the menz' Fucking typical. You're not a woman? You have NO RIGHT to an opinion on this. @Deathbyfluffy (at 16.56,) just jog on Mr Incel.

fUNNYfACE36 · 19/03/2023 17:13

You made a sexust comment and you were rightly called out on it.

namitynamechange · 19/03/2023 17:15

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 16:35

I don't know, OP. I was on your side immediately when I read this but if it was a male customer making a generalised comment about women do a male cashier would you have been bothered by it?

The men you work with sound like bellends though.

I'm not the OP but if I heard a comment along the lines of women being silly bints etc etc, women being bad at maths** I might not comment but I would roll my eyes. If it was something about the women they know always having loads of random things in their handbag etc I wouldn't because its a) not that insulting and b) frequently true.

**and anyway I hear far worse comments about women than that. And men would go mad if they thought you were trying to police their language in the same way.

inigomontoyahwillcox · 19/03/2023 17:20

I had a very large, burly man stare me down and purposely barge straight into me and my daughter on a crowded pathway this week (we weren't walking in tandem, she was just behind me), his (what I assumed to be) significant other, who was semi-jogging behind him to keep up, sniggered at us when he did it. I tried to get out of the way, but there was nowhere to move. This was very intentional and meant to intimidate.

Arsehole.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 19/03/2023 17:21

Deathbyfluffy · 19/03/2023 16:56

Awful lot of nonsense in this thread - arseholes are out there in both male and female form.
I was once shouted at when filling my car by a woman because ‘getting a full tank was making her late’ - she’d obviously just stopped to splash a tenner in, but I was filling my van to the brim. I took a lot longer than I would have done usually after that… (I’m a man)

Likewise I’ve had abuse off other men in similar situations.
Men aren’t the problem, arseholes are - and they exist in all forms.

Of course there are assholes who are men and assholes who are women. But I guarantee if you asked 100 men and 100 women who they've had asshole comments off of there would be more men being assholes to women than anything else by a very large margin

Original poster
SpreadableCheeseOnEverything · 19/03/2023 17:23

Every time I am on the receiving end of idiotic, childish or interfering comments it is from men. Never women, ever. Always men.

OP posts:
tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 17:26

Deathbyfluffy · 19/03/2023 16:56

Awful lot of nonsense in this thread - arseholes are out there in both male and female form.
I was once shouted at when filling my car by a woman because ‘getting a full tank was making her late’ - she’d obviously just stopped to splash a tenner in, but I was filling my van to the brim. I took a lot longer than I would have done usually after that… (I’m a man)

Likewise I’ve had abuse off other men in similar situations.
Men aren’t the problem, arseholes are - and they exist in all forms.

I disagree.

The arsehole in this case was unhinged and I genuinely thought he was going to get out and hit me. If I'd d been a man it's much less likely this would have happened

And to go straight to calling me a bitch for no reason whatsoever

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 19/03/2023 17:27

Last summer I was waiting outside the chippy. I live in a tourist area so lots of people stood there. Mainly women. Man walks past and says "you lot don't look like you need any more chips"
"Oh do fuck off" said I without even thinking. He looked mortified.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 17:28

Spuds I think you and I may be on the same page, I was just acknowledging the inevitable Not All Men and Women Do That Too type replies that would (and indeed did) follow ... Grin

GoodChat · 19/03/2023 17:30

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 19/03/2023 17:27

Last summer I was waiting outside the chippy. I live in a tourist area so lots of people stood there. Mainly women. Man walks past and says "you lot don't look like you need any more chips"
"Oh do fuck off" said I without even thinking. He looked mortified.

He was only mortified by the fact he didn't have some witty retort because he wasn't expecting a response.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 17:31

AmandaHoldensLips · 19/03/2023 17:08

I can't help myself. Any comment from a random man is met with a loud "THANK YOU RANDOM MAN FOR YOUR VALUABLE INPUT".

I ❤️ this and intend to use it soon

Original poster
SpreadableCheeseOnEverything · 19/03/2023 17:32

@FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb well done for telling him to fuck off!

I worked as a hotel receptionist for 3 months last year and the only customers that were ever obnoxious or made smart arse comments to me were, yep, men! Some male guests even thought I wanted to chat to them for hours at the desk while I worked!

OP posts:
tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 17:34

Ahh just noticed that Death is a chap.

News flash - and again I'd like to acknowledge that OBVIOUSLY NAMALT but the great thing about being a woman is I've lost count of the number of times I've been on the receiving end of sexism from men.

The difference between that and anything remotely sexist you may endure from a woman is you have probably never felt physically threatened or frightened by it.

IClaudine · 19/03/2023 17:38

Deathbyfluffy · 19/03/2023 16:56

Awful lot of nonsense in this thread - arseholes are out there in both male and female form.
I was once shouted at when filling my car by a woman because ‘getting a full tank was making her late’ - she’d obviously just stopped to splash a tenner in, but I was filling my van to the brim. I took a lot longer than I would have done usually after that… (I’m a man)

Likewise I’ve had abuse off other men in similar situations.
Men aren’t the problem, arseholes are - and they exist in all forms.

Oh, mate.

Greenfairydust · 19/03/2023 17:40

@fUNNYfACE36

''You made a sexust comment and you were rightly called out on it.''

No.

She shared what she experiences every day while working with a group of men. Then another man thought he had the right to join into a conversation he was not part of and make some unwanted comment invalidating that experience and she put him right back in his place.

SlouchingTowardsBethlehemAgain · 19/03/2023 17:41

We live in a Patriarchal society and it makes us really fucking angry when random men want to enforce the Patriarchal code by trying to make us feel inferior. So always tell them to fuck the fuck off and then some.

ShinyHappyTits · 19/03/2023 17:42

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 15:59

I say this having just last week had a random twat at a petrol station scream at me "move your car I'm in a F'ing rush you stupid bitch" while I was on the actual process of moving my car for him Confused

What is it about men in cars? I had one chase me down last week then block me on, opened my door to scream abuse and chucked a load of liquid over me. Because I couldn’t stop to let him pass me at 500 mph on a 20mph road. Then yesterday one undercut me to scream abuse out of the window merely because I hadn’t moved over to let him past. I hate men in cars.

LlynTegid · 19/03/2023 17:42

Such men have plenty of role models. Think misogynistic music, and most of all, men who are serially unfaithful to women and seem to get away with it.

crimsonpeak · 19/03/2023 17:44

Totally with you OP. I posted on here a while back about some stupid little man inserting himself into my day. Good on you for not bowing to their idiocy!

FrostyFifi · 19/03/2023 17:47

You made a sexust comment and you were rightly called out on it.

Can we just STOP with this "calling out" bullshit. No, someone butted into a conversation that had nothing to do with him, it's rude.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 19/03/2023 17:48

Shiny** that sounds really frightening Sad

InsertSomethingMotivationalHere · 19/03/2023 17:54

I'm a Headteacher and have noticed my most unpleasant interactions are always with dads. In my experience, mums simply want to sort out whatever the issue is and ensure the best outcome for their child. Fine. I completely accept that and am willing to listen and act as needed.
But over the last year I've had a good handful of dads who simply seem to want to tear me down. Belittling, sneering tone. Patronising remarks, flitting from point to point until they think they've found something I cannot answer. When I respond to their point they claim I've regrettably missed their point. It's been an eye-opener.

GenuineNine · 19/03/2023 18:25

I hate the 'Cheer up love, it may never happen' comments. Just fuck off.

DoctorManhattan · 19/03/2023 18:42

It actually makes me cringe how some blokes behave. I was brought up to be respectful to all people regardless of gender but there are definitely some guys out there who thrive on intimidation and trying to appear superior. I’ve encountered it personally once when my ex was waiting outside a bank for me, and a guy walking past made an obscene comment to her - I was just coming out the door and heard it all. He was suddenly very apologetic when I got in his face, which just proves to me it’s nothing more than a form of bullying. Like all bullies, they have no backbone when confronted by someone their own size or bigger.

Rinkydinkydoodle · 19/03/2023 19:20

I have also noticed stranger men have got way more aggressive as I’ve got older and less attractive. It might be a coincidence, I dunno 😜