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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

1 to 2 VS 2 to 3 (babies)! Please advise!

36 replies

ABCD88 · 19/03/2023 14:15

Hey,

I have read so many threads saying that going from 1 to 2 babies was harder than 2 to 3 and equal many threads that said the opposite!

So, I decided to make a poll about it to clear things up in my mind.

We currently have 2 little kids (DD & DS) and I would love a 3rd! But I am going in circles in my mind when I read all the pessimistic comments and how much harder life was after the third.

My first was a challenging one but my second is a dream! Like we don’t have a second kid, so for us 1 to 2 was extremely easy.

Any help is very welcome!

YABU - 1 to 2 is much harder and the 3 just slotted in

YANBU - 2 to 3 is way more harder than having 2 kids

OP posts:
DojaPhat · 19/03/2023 14:27

I don't have a 3rd but some of the things that were raised when talking about the 3rd was less about the child slotting in and more about practicalities like cars, bedrooms, hotel room bookings, trains, carting 3 kids to different activities / managing their schedules. Being spread too thin as someone will always invariably need something, age gaps if you'd been set on returning to work etc. Of course it's easier if baby 3 is an 'easy' baby but you don't find that out until the baby is here but in anycase the practicalities and logistics of 3 is much more challenging.

Changethenamey · 19/03/2023 14:33

I have 3. Whilst the third did slot in to our life and routine, it has got harder as he’s got older. As a baby they are small and portable, so no problem. Now he’s 5…everything is a third more expensive. My attention is split three ways. I have three small voices in the car trying to talk over each other. One child is usually left out of play so more conflict between siblings. A whole extra persons likes/dislikes to consider when planning food, days out, games, tv etc. Holiday childcare is a nightmare, plus family members are less able/willing to have all 3 together. I would describe my life now as chaotic! I don’t mind but I know some would struggle. As a disclaimer mine are all close together so that probably affects things!

Coffeeandcrocs · 19/03/2023 15:00

2 kids is 2 kids, 3 kids is 475 kids

loop2u · 19/03/2023 15:02

Agree the 3rd when a baby was easier harder when they got older

ChickenDhansak82 · 19/03/2023 15:05

I went from 1 to 3 as baby number 2 turned out to be twins.

OMG it is SO hard parenting three children properly. Trying to find time to do activities with each child, do homework, encourage them to practice music/sport/dance stuff, reading at bed time etc...

Not to mention the expense of having three kids and the activities they want to do!!

And don't even get me started when activities clash and someone has to take the 3rd child.

Oh, and did I mention car seats?!? And cars that do NOT fit 3 car seats in!?!

I love my 3 kids but am quite envious of those with just two and the quality time they get with each child without feeling they're spreading themselves very thinly.

SalmonEile · 19/03/2023 15:06

How old are your children currently?
I’m a second child and was a dream until my younger sibling was born when I was two

Svolvaer · 19/03/2023 15:06

I have 4 children. The first was a real shock to the system as I’m sure is true for many mums, I worried about having a second but it was, comparatively, really easy. Number three just tipped it over into mayhem. - a PP said it felt like suddenly I’d got 475 kids! Number 4 was fine but probably because my first was 10 by then and really helped a lot.

HousePlantNeglect · 19/03/2023 15:06

I read a lot about a third baby slotting in. But my reality is that DC3 is committed to the routine of school age DC1 and preschool DC2. So DC3 is rarely asleep or fed when she needs as we have to leave for the school run, go to playgroup etc. DC2 was born during the pandemic and DC1 was not yet in school, so we didn’t have this problem going from 1-2.

I also found going from 1-2 easier because DH could focus on the older one while I was focusing on the younger one. Now DH is split between two older ones with quite different needs. On bad days I feel nobody’s needs are quite met (especially me and DH!).

That said, I wouldn’t change it!

Lovingitallnow · 19/03/2023 15:09

Found 1-2 impossible but a lot of that was life circumstances. 2-3 was much easier, but again, life circumstances came into play. Dh wfh made life much much easier. As they're getting older the reality of hotel rooms, holidays etc is all coming into play.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/03/2023 15:10

I only have two- didn’t find going from 1-2 difficult, helped by my eldest being 3. My friends with 3 kids I don’t envy at all, imo it makes everything harder, so much harder. It makes life outside of the family both for the adults and the kids shrink. It may be fine when the youngest is a baby but once a toddler it looks so difficult.

Ahnobother · 19/03/2023 15:15

Chaos. Mayhem. 475 kids is right.
My third is nearly 7 now though and I wouldn't swop him for the world.
You can't divide and conquer with three the way you could with two.
But my life is richer for having three wonderful individuals in it.

Original poster
ABCD88 · 19/03/2023 17:38

Omg so many different answers and all of them useful!

My DD is 3, my DS is near 1 at the moment.

I would really really really love a third, as I feel that he/she will complete our family.

However, we are so balanced at the moment as a family of 4 and life seems easy, maybe a bit too easy for my liking but I am worried that a third will make it too hard for my liking…

Such a hard decision to make in a short time, as I don’t want to get out of the baby stage and then re-enter in a few years down the road.

I am happy for a few more years of chaos while they are all young but the point a few of you made that I want be able to supervise their homework properly, it really does scare me!

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/03/2023 18:26

I think once your kids go to school you will see life ramp up- extra activities, homework, after school play dates.

Justputitdown · 19/03/2023 19:08

ABCD88 we're currently trying to make the same decision with similarly aged children...

popopop · 19/03/2023 19:19

I am due baby #3 in a couple of days and this thread has made me so anxious 😭

BCxx · 19/03/2023 19:21

I think I’m going to end up in this boat too. Having our second just now, will have a girl and boy and in theory could close the baby-making book there and live happily ever after but it kind of doesn’t feel like the last time 🙈 our first was extremely easy so I think it will depend if this one ends up being a nightmare or not!

Holliegee · 19/03/2023 19:22

3 is definitely harder especially with an age gap - the thing that bothered me (quite pathetically) was that I only have 2 hands and crossing the road meant one had to not hold my hand.

Kit Kats come in packs of 6 so there was always 1 left over.

and other random inconsequential things.

BCxx · 19/03/2023 19:23

We have a two year gap and if there was to be a third I’d make sure there was a three year gap at least, just to make sure my oldest is at school as I’m not sure how I could manage three of them with basic things like dog walks etc

PeekAtYou · 19/03/2023 19:24

0-1 was hardest for me. Dc2 and Dc3 have been very easy (Dc3 is 16 so I think that easy is a fair assessment) and we earned much more when dc2 and dc3 were born.

ALLIS0N · 19/03/2023 19:26

Do you want three teenagers or three at university at the same time?

RandomMess · 19/03/2023 19:29

I have 4

The third was hell as she had undiagnosed silent reflux.

4th was a breeze!

I think with 3+ if you accept you need to be family oriented rather than trying to carry on as you did it's ok. You need to accept adult hobbies/activities have to take a back seat for a while (not altogether).

igglepigglegingin · 19/03/2023 19:30

Argh! Me too, I have two DD, aged 5&6 and my 3rd baby is due in the next few weeks.
How can I un-see this thread?! 😂

Milkand2sugarsplease · 19/03/2023 19:30

Having had 2 very difficult babies, not a cat in hell's chance am I risking number 3!! I'm lucky that DS1 has been so patient with ds2 because in no way whatsoever has DS2 just slotted into life with 1. DS1 was older (9) when ds2 arrived, so he already had established hobbies and clubs and DH and I have had no choice but to each take one child the majority of the time and we've both said many times we're sad about the amount of time we spend apart in what should be family time.

For me, having lived with 2 difficult babies (DS2 is still a 'glass is half empty' kinda guy at nearly 2) I decided that there was no way I could see myself managing with another baby in the mix (amongst other reasons too). If you had a difficult baby first time around, I'd just make your decision based on whether you think you could do your current family life with another dc1 in the mix and go from there.

Hankunamatata · 19/03/2023 19:31

3rd nearly broke me and us as a couple. No time, no one wants babysit 3 kids, trying to manage 3 going in different directions, the financial cost now they are teens

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/03/2023 19:32

It's worth remembering that things like holidays, cars and days out become much more expensive with three.