1 to 2 VS 2 to 3 (babies)! Please advise!

[ABCD88]

Hey,

I have read so many threads saying that going from 1 to 2 babies was harder than 2 to 3 and equal many threads that said the opposite!

So, I decided to make a poll about it to clear things up in my mind.

We currently have 2 little kids (DD & DS) and I would love a 3rd! But I am going in circles in my mind when I read all the pessimistic comments and how much harder life was after the third.

My first was a challenging one but my second is a dream! Like we don’t have a second kid, so for us 1 to 2 was extremely easy.

Any help is very welcome!

YABU - 1 to 2 is much harder and the 3 just slotted in

YANBU - 2 to 3 is way more harder than having 2 kids

2-3 was harder than 1-2 for me.

However part of that was that with 1-2, dd1 did preschool 2 mornings a week, and slept in the afternoon. So I didn't have the time constraints and I also got the afternoons fairly clear.

2-3, dd2 did preschool mornings 4 days a week and didn't nap, dd1 did school 5 days a week. Dd1 was also doing after school things 2-3 days a week. So if ds didn't nap at the right time I had to get him up to pick up (in his words as a grumpy toddler) his "silly sisters from doing silly things."
He also was almost constantly ill from ear infections, barring the year he had grommets in. So we also had a lot of doctor's appointments too, and a number of A&E trips as he got frequent (like 5-6 times a year+) non-fading viral rashes.

Plus dd1 was very keen to be helpful, and very keen on playing with the new baby when dd2 was born. Dd2 was similar when ds was born, but far less predictable, so it was less relaxing, shall we say.

There’s always an odd one out with 3!

Honestly the amount of people that would cause themselves less stress if they just embrace family life and go with it instead of constantly trying to continue on as they were pre kids.

We have 3 and it is chaotic yet brilliant, eldest is 5, youngest just turned 2 so fairly close together and just got to a stage now where all three of them play together and it has actually made my life easier.

In contrast to some of the above posts I am finding it easier now they are slightly older than when we had a preschooler, toddler and a baby!

Hotel rooms are my main issue but we usually just get an air b and b instead or take the hit. We already had a 4 bed house and big car but it is more expensive when out and about (but in the same way having 2 is more expensive than having 1 so I don't always see the value in this point).

I'd say you need to be very organised, and me and dh both work part time so have the availability when they need to be in different places and to make sure we both get 1-2-1 time with each of them. I'd struggle a lot more if either of us worked full time. Absolutely no regrets for us, we just felt our family wasn't finished with 2.

I have a 7, 4 and 1 year old. My third has been a good sleeper compared to my other babies so I had a lot more energy even with juggling 3 children. I think the fact my other two were out of the toddler phase made a big difference, they could help a little and understand if I tell them something is dangerous for the baby (like a choke hazard).

Will it be difficult as they get older? Probably but they're only young for a few years and my baby is adored by his siblings, it's been lovely to watch how kind they are to him😍

1-2 was hard as you’ve got two to deal with instead of one only child. Our DC3 is currently 13 weeks old and has so far just slotted in. She’s a dream. I do have 4 years between each of mine though, my eldest is now 9 so he’s really helpful. The 4 year old is the hardest by far but he starts school in September.

Thank you all for your responses! It's really useful!

To those of you that you are having a 3rd baby soon, huge congratulations! The responses didn't put me off to be honest.

@Hankunamatata Do you think that if you have stopped at 2 babies, your relationship with your other half wouldn't be that much challenging? How and why the third made life trickier?

In our case, my 2nd DC (DS), is so easy and almost feels non-existent, in comparison to my DD who is a real struggle, a proper drama queen at the age of 3!

I crave for a 3rd baby but I won't be as a good mum to 3 as I would have been to 2 babies.

I won't have much of a life out of our family life, no particular hobbies or days out with friends, so a 3rd won't be upsetting from this point of view.

We have a 3 bed house (meaning that two will share) and a company leasing car but this easily is changed to something bigger.

Having 3 teens doesn't scare and 3 uni fees should be alright as by the time the first will graduate the third will start.

It's the homework and activities that stress me! Any advise on that please?

Activities wise we just plan - again, helps me and dh both work part time so are both around a lot. We also use the things they do do seperately as 1-2-1 time with them, so after ds rugby class him and my dh go for brunch. The eldest two are in the same gymnastics class, they do back to back swimming lessons, dh does rugby on Saturday mornings with eldest and I take younger two to parkrun. Once they have friends in their activities it also helps to share with other parents or alternate giving lifts etc.

We don't get much homework yet but reading and spellings we do in a morning as it is calmer in our house than after school, younger two listen to my eldest read over breakfast and we practice spellings on way to school but I really do think homework will be our issue as they get older!

There's pros and cons to both (obviously)

We have a DD (2 yrs 9months) DD (1yr 7months) and DS (16 weeks) and honestly I love it! It's so much easier when my DH is at work with 3 than 2! If 1 needs my attention, the other 2 have each other to entertain. It's a squeeze but can still fit in a standard car. The problems for us only start when we're looking for holidays and mini breaks as it's now either 2 hotel rooms or an apartment/villa. I don't get the problem with family tickets as it's easy to just buy an extra child ticket 🤷‍♀️

One baby between two parents was a doddle for me, so I voted 1 to 2 as being harder. DC2 was not challenging though, and DC3 was an equally easy baby. The big consideration in going to 3 in my opinion, is a financial one. Our society is geared for 2 DC and bringing a third into the mix brings lots of not proportional,ongoing costs

Cost is a huge factor. A third whilst they are young is "cheap" not much additional cost as you have the lot etc.

The pre-teen and teen years are so expensive!

Our economy is in a bad way and won't improve soon so think very carefully about the reality. Most people are only an accident or serious health issue away from struggling financially.