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Original poster

Has Mothering Sunday become too commercialised?

95 replies

BasilParsley · 18/03/2023 21:00

In my yoof, (many years ago!) we went to Church on Mothering Sunday (as well as others) and were given by Church staff a v. small posy (maybe five little blooms?) of crocuses or violets to give to our Mums. Mums were grateful and we all went back home and had Sunday lunch as usual,

When did it descend into just another "Hallmark Day" where an elaborate card and an expensive present is now the norm?

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:29

Well - neither of those really, it's mother's Day not wives day. It's for the children to show a token of appreciation to their own mother. The dad will need to help a bit when they are tiny, but if the child is old enough to make a card (at nursery maybe) but too young to cook a roast, then I don't really see why the dad should do it. Let him remember his own mother instead.
As you say, children need help and support and to be honest a parent to remind them it's mother's day coming up.

I'd take a dim view of any man who expected a child to identify mother's day is coming up and make appropriate arrangements.
I'd especially take a dim view of any man who felt it was the responsibility of nursery staff and his nursery aged child to show some token appreciation for the mum of the home

If an adult man can't manage consider his own mother and his children's mother that's really tragic.

MooseBreath · 18/03/2023 21:30

I'm in my 30s. I remember being a child and making my mom breakfast in bed, giving her a homemade card, and pitching in with my brothers to buy her a small present (necklace, flowers, etc). I don't think it's changed that much?

itsgettingweird · 18/03/2023 21:31

Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 21:02

So many Mother’s Day misery guts around here tonight and it’s not even Mother’s Day yet.

Totally agree.

Tomorrow I'll be struggling through my first Mother's Day without mine and watching my previously anxious suicidal ds compete in a major sports comp.

No card or present or commercialised crap can make me a prouder mum than I'll be and my own mum was great too.

But I guess in a day and age if things such as push presents ........ 🙄

SnackSizeRaisin · 18/03/2023 21:31

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:09

I like our low key mother's day and I don't think you're unreasonable for not liking the hallmark day thing.

What shows love and appreciation more; a hands on DH who does his share around the house and shows his spouse every day that he values her and respects her as DC's mother, or a DH who got the memo loud and clear that his spouse expects gifts, a meal, breakfast in bed and to not have to lift a finger for one day a year?

The more I read this the stranger it seems! I have always thought mothers day was about mothers and their children. Do others see it as being between men and their wives? Maybe this is a regional thing?

Hopefully most children help at home in an age appropriate way but mothers day would be a day that they do something extra, breakfast in bed or cook.a whole meal for older children, or a gift or card or whatever they decide. Whether or not the children's dad pulls his weight around the house is completely irrelevant to the concept of mothers day, surely?

DeeCeeCherry · 18/03/2023 21:32

All occasions are commercialised aren't they? I see threads moaning about Mother's Day yearly on MN then the same people go all out for Christmas. People pick and choose which commercial nonsense to buy into.

I always spend Mother's Day with (adult) DCs we go out for a meal and catch up together, nothing elaborate. No gifts, that's for birthdays. I celebrate Valentine's Day too yeah it's cheesy, corny but so what - its what me & DP choose to do. Christmas is a low-key affair as I can't get my head around the greed, gluttony & overspending it represents. As said, we pick and choose what we buy into. But most of us buy into something, if its not 1 occasion its another

Verylongtime · 18/03/2023 21:32

Mothering Sunday doesn’t have anything to do with actual mothers, though.

JennyDarlingRIP · 18/03/2023 21:33

DS made me a card at nursery, I expect I'll get a card DH has helped him to make/choose and a small gift eg flowers or something and we're going to our local pub for a lovely Sunday roast mid afternoon. I've got an aquafit class in the morning and we'll probably go for a walk on the beach/coffee beforehand. I don't think that's extravagant at all

Whichnumbers · 18/03/2023 21:34

Mother’s Day was originally about visiting the mother church, it was the 3rd Sunday before Easter when servants and those in service visited there family and went to the mother church … nothing to do with mum

Devoutspoken · 18/03/2023 21:35

Or its about young domestic staff being given a day off to go home to see their mothers

Minieggbrownies · 18/03/2023 21:37

I'm torn. For me the best thing is the handmade card the dc make as school. Some flowers and chocolates or a little gift that the dc have chosen are the icing on the cake. I don't think Mother's Day requires a proper gift as such.

But I don't see the harm in showing a bit of appreciation for mums and making it a bit of a special day. I quite enjoy these Hallmark days, any excuse. I always make sure dh has a few nice little treats for Father's Day, a new coffee mug, nice socks, beer and chocolate.

UncleHerbie · 18/03/2023 21:38

I’m the same as OP: went to Mothering Sunday services as a child and presented Mum with a bunch of flowers. I only ever bought Mum “Mothering Sunday” cards which increasingly became more difficult to find, as opposed to seeing “Mothers Day” cards everywhere.

Devoutspoken · 18/03/2023 21:39

There is no harm, I'm not sure why all the cynics are so obsessed with pissing on others chips, shall we give up Christmas too

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:39

The more I read this the stranger it seems! I have always thought mothers day was about mothers and their children. Do others see it as being between men and their wives? Maybe this is a regional thing?
It is about children and mothers but children generally need help and support, just like we don't expect them to sort their own birthday presents for family, or organise their own Christmas presents for their parents and grandparents.

The difference is that whilst some people are quite happy with their spouses helping the children to do something small, there's an awful lot of people who are ready to moan that their husbands haven't made sufficient effort on behalf of the children and they do have big expectations.

AreMyDucksinarow · 18/03/2023 21:44

I will get a card (not sure if it’s homemade) and some handpicked daffodils. Dh will make sure I don’t have to cook etc

To be honest I’m happy with that.

I am a bit fed up of most occasions being shoved down my throat 🤷‍♀️

Im sure when I was smaller we used to make cards and buy flowers with my dads help.

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:45

I've just seen on active that it's already started with the bizarre expectations.

Apparently it's reasonable to tell your DH what you want for Mother's Day, then if you accidentally find out about it from your child but it isn't quite what you'd want, you tell your child to go back to her father and suggest the item is swapped.

OnlyTheBravest · 18/03/2023 21:45

A handmade card, breakfast in bed and no one irritating me for the best part of the day was all I needed.

Mothers day like most UK celebrations has become over commercialised.

RufustheSpeculatingreindeer · 18/03/2023 21:45

People pick and choose which commercial nonsense to buy into

this

Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 21:49

Oh god yes! Its warped from what's it meant to be about to competitive levels of did they do enough for me bollocks.

I mean the its absolutely ridiculous, this year at work even and everyone saying happy valentines to each other. I'm like wtaf im not in love with any of u, jesus! So glad it was a virtual meeting and they couldn't see the look on my face. 😆

RufustheSpeculatingreindeer · 18/03/2023 21:49

Last year just before mothers day i was working in a shop

a man came in with his three children and said ‘so when you were in here with mummy what did she say she liked’

and one of the kids pointed to a doormat and said ‘mummy really wanted one of those’

and dad said ‘are you absolutely sure she wanted a door mat’ you could really see he was trying to figure out whether he was going survive mothers day 😀

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:51

Spectre8
It's an odd thread isn't it? I'm sure there's going to be more tomorrow though.

I'm currently entertained at the idea that posters on that thread are being deemed to be martyrs because they've not bought into the gimmie gimmie gimmie outlook of material possessions as a measure of love.

SnackSizeRaisin · 18/03/2023 21:52

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:29

Well - neither of those really, it's mother's Day not wives day. It's for the children to show a token of appreciation to their own mother. The dad will need to help a bit when they are tiny, but if the child is old enough to make a card (at nursery maybe) but too young to cook a roast, then I don't really see why the dad should do it. Let him remember his own mother instead.
As you say, children need help and support and to be honest a parent to remind them it's mother's day coming up.

I'd take a dim view of any man who expected a child to identify mother's day is coming up and make appropriate arrangements.
I'd especially take a dim view of any man who felt it was the responsibility of nursery staff and his nursery aged child to show some token appreciation for the mum of the home

If an adult man can't manage consider his own mother and his children's mother that's really tragic.

I don't think it really matters where the child made the card..it's not about the father. He gets his turn on valentine's Day, your birthday, Christmas, etc, surely? Yes if he's around he can certainly assist or remind the children but I don't see the purpose of the day as being for the father to show his appreciation.
If someone's child gives them a mother's day gift or card or meal (with or without some help from dad), the fact that said child's father may be generally useless around the house (or even be an ex and no longer living there) doesn't detract from that, in my view anyway.

Devoutspoken · 18/03/2023 21:56

There are other ways to celebrate someone without gifts or cards

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2023 21:56

I don't think it really matters where the child made the card..it's not about the father. He gets his turn on valentine's Day, your birthday, Christmas, etc, surely? Yes if he's around he can certainly assist or remind the children but I don't see the purpose of the day as being for the father to show his appreciation.
If someone's child gives them a mother's day gift or card or meal (with or without some help from dad), the fact that said child's father may be generally useless around the house (or even be an ex and no longer living there) doesn't detract from that, in my view anyway
I think it does matter about the father, especially if we get to the point where it's deemed too much for a poor guy to think about two cards for one day a year.

I chose to have children with my DH. On father's Day DC and I will do something nice because it's important for them to see that I value his role as their father and they can do something nice for him. On mother's day, he will do something with the children because it matters to show them that he values my role as their mother.

Taking the approach of 'it's nothing to do with me, I'll just hope you make a card with the staff at nursery/school' is a cop out.

PuppyMonkey · 18/03/2023 22:03

I tell you what annoys me every Mother’s Day - all the smug posters who come on these threads and go on about the “origins” of the day - visiting the mother church on third Sunday before Lent, or whatever it was. And insist on calling it Mothering Sunday as if that makes you better than the rest of us who dare to call it Mother’s Day. When it’s all a load of bollocks either way.Grin

WandaWonder · 18/03/2023 22:18

PuppyMonkey · 18/03/2023 22:03

I tell you what annoys me every Mother’s Day - all the smug posters who come on these threads and go on about the “origins” of the day - visiting the mother church on third Sunday before Lent, or whatever it was. And insist on calling it Mothering Sunday as if that makes you better than the rest of us who dare to call it Mother’s Day. When it’s all a load of bollocks either way.Grin

But they still do Easter eggs, Elf on the shelf, Christmas presents, Christmas Eve boxes

But I get tired of all the drama around it, if my child drew me a picture bought a wilted bunch of flowers great what is with this martyr drama that happens every year?

"My husband spent 2 hours and 29 minutes with him mum and only 1 hour 47mins with me is it divorce?'

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