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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect fiancé to buy Mother’s Day card?

54 replies

Worried08 · 18/03/2023 19:48

Been together 10+ years and have a 1 year old DS together. Argued last year due to him not making an effort on the first Mother’s Day with DS (no card, no anything) says he doesn’t believe in the day. Fair enough but I always make the effort for Father’s Day and he knows the day is important to me.

For the record, he does buy his own mother gifts, a card and cooks or pays for a meal on the day. He has just mentioned in passing that he hasn’t got me anything for tomorrow (not even a card). I’ve had a little cry. I know I must sound ridiculous but it’s the card over anything like a fancy gift or breakfast in bed. I do the majority of everything for our DS despite us both working full time. I’m just angry as it feels there is a total lack of appreciation or acknowledgment. AIBU?

OP posts:
Doesthepopeshitinthewoods · 18/03/2023 20:12

He doesn’t give a shit about you. He doesn’t believe in the day? He’s full of shit, he buys something for his mother, he just doesn’t think you’re worth any effort or expenditure.

What a prick.

Viviennemary · 18/03/2023 20:14

Its mean of him.

babymummy96 · 18/03/2023 20:17

Wtf... doesn't believe in it but will gift his mother?? Utter disrespect for all the hard work that you do. I'd be bringing it up but that's just me

journeyofsanity · 18/03/2023 20:20

So he cares enough about his mum that he does all the stuff but cares so little for you that he decides to go with the 'don't believe in it' crap. He's a gem isn't he.

journeyofsanity · 18/03/2023 20:22

@kirsty2023 She is the mother to his child and the least he can do is get a card and a bunch of flowers men are so fucking lazy
And women are always fucking shitting on men. Or is that just you?
All men are not lazy. This man even is not lazy as he gets stuff for his mum. He's just a shit partner.

Shoxfordian · 18/03/2023 20:23

He believes in it for his Mum but can’t make an effort for you: he sounds like a selfish knob

pinkfondu · 18/03/2023 20:25

Why did you do fathers day?

Cosyblankets · 18/03/2023 20:27

Good job mothers day comes before fathers day
I wouldn't acknowledge it

Passmeaplacard · 18/03/2023 20:30

Please don’t do anything for Father’s Day!

Nimbostratus100 · 18/03/2023 20:31

Cards and flowers are a huge waste of resources and horrendously damaging for the environment.

he should be doing more parenting, but forget mothers day, its just a con

Username24680 · 18/03/2023 20:31

He sounds like an absolute twat I’m afraid @Worried08

It doesn’t take much to buy a card and write a nice thoughtful message in it, does it?

For MD, DH usually does a card from him with a nice message, a card from DS, and a small gift from DS. DS is a toddler so it’s actually become quite funny - for bday/Xmas/MD/FD we ask DS what he wants to get for mummy/daddy as the present. For DHs birthday DS asked to get daddy a “comb because his beard is too messy” 🤣

SupplyIsLimited · 18/03/2023 20:35

Doesn't believe in Mother's Day? Well, that's odd. You don't have to go crazy, but a token or two of appreciation isn't much to ask.

I'd make my own celebration and leave him to arrange Father's Day. When you child is old enough, they can draw him a card. I'd do it for my child's sake, not his.

babymummy96 · 18/03/2023 20:35

journeyofsanity · 18/03/2023 20:22

@kirsty2023 She is the mother to his child and the least he can do is get a card and a bunch of flowers men are so fucking lazy
And women are always fucking shitting on men. Or is that just you?
All men are not lazy. This man even is not lazy as he gets stuff for his mum. He's just a shit partner.

She's said she does the majority of parenting even though they both work full time? I'd say maybe he is lazy...

SupplyIsLimited · 18/03/2023 20:38

Oh, and I don't think I'd keep him as a fiance, if this is how little he cares for you. It's pretty pathetic that he can't be bothered to make any effort at all when he knows it's important to you.

GiveMe5 · 18/03/2023 20:41

He doesn't care about you and isn't setting a good example to your son. You deserve better!

Liorae · 18/03/2023 20:42

Skyeheather · 18/03/2023 19:59

DP gets a card and gift for me from our young DC because he knows that if he doesn't I will do nothing for him on Father's Day.

Don't do anything for Father's Day this year, don't even mention it and see how he likes it.

You realize most men don't give a crap about fathers day right?

kirsty2023 · 18/03/2023 20:46

journeyofsanity · 18/03/2023 20:22

@kirsty2023 She is the mother to his child and the least he can do is get a card and a bunch of flowers men are so fucking lazy
And women are always fucking shitting on men. Or is that just you?
All men are not lazy. This man even is not lazy as he gets stuff for his mum. He's just a shit partner.

He is fucking lazy as she works full time as well as looking after the little child that is his too and from that post she does most with the little one so if u don't call that lazy then you are out of you mind and as for woman shitting on men most men get what they give as far as I'm concerned

GrazingSheep · 18/03/2023 20:48

I’m just angry as it feels there is a total lack of appreciation or acknowledgment. AIBU?

Yet another woman blaming herself for the behaviour of the arsehole she is in a relationship with.
Start making him do his share of parenting and everything else.
Do not have another child with him.

Skyeheather · 18/03/2023 20:49

@Liorae - mine does care about Father's Day, Valentines Day, Christmas, Birthdays etc. It's a shame that more men don't care about these things.

kirsty2023 · 18/03/2023 20:50

@journeyofsanity it takes 2 people to make a baby and to me it seems like this lady is doing it all by herself and is working full time he should get off his ass and help her she's had to carry the baby for 9 months and look after the little it's not hard for him to look after little one for a few hours so she can have some time to herself why is it most men think it's fine to let the woman do all the work wen it comes to having kids

MumOf2workOptions · 18/03/2023 20:51

He does believe in Mother's Day If he buys for his own mother but not the mother of his child!
It might sound minor but it's a big red flag as far as I'm concerned
Do not marry this person is be questioning why I'm with them to be honest and whether you stay with them or not do not entertain Father's Day

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 20:54

Your husband/partner is NOT your child.

Mothers day is for children to acknowledge their Mother.

Don't do any Father's day for him .

When your child is old enough to make you a card..... that will be very special.

ShonaShoop · 18/03/2023 20:54

I haven’t read the comments. You have been with DP for 10+ years and he has never bought a Mother’s Day gift from your DC but you always buy a gift for him for Fathers Day?

Why?? 😳

kirsty2023 · 18/03/2023 20:55

Skyeheather · 18/03/2023 20:49

@Liorae - mine does care about Father's Day, Valentines Day, Christmas, Birthdays etc. It's a shame that more men don't care about these things.

I always buy a card and gift for Father's Day for my other half even tho he don't get me for Mother's Day I always just spend the day with the kids outside having fun with them and leaves him at home

Spectre8 · 18/03/2023 20:55

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 20:54

Your husband/partner is NOT your child.

Mothers day is for children to acknowledge their Mother.

Don't do any Father's day for him .

When your child is old enough to make you a card..... that will be very special.

100% this.

Honestly peolle have gone fookin crazy!

Op has a bigger issue of unequal parenting to sort out instead of focusing on bloody mothers day