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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - I’d love a naff mug for Mother’s Day

34 replies

FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:21

Just that really. My DH is wonderful in many ways but he’s just not thoughtful.

For example Mother’s Day and birthdays etc. He’d never think “FU would love that gift” he just thinks it’s all pointless and encourages me to order my own.

I tend to just quietly buy stuff for myself. Even valentines I treated myself to a box of chocolates.

Mothers day I got both our Mum’s some nice chocolates, he asked if I’d ordered myself some. I said no, DS4 would love to pick me a naff mug or keyring and I’d love to receive it.

Hes had this week off so he could have arranged this so easily.

For his birthday me and my eldest will make him a cake, do breakfast in bed. He just doesn’t think like that.

AIBU to just want a mug? I’ve even spelt it out to him!

OP posts:
ScentOfAMemory · 18/03/2023 16:23

Why is your husband buying you things? Are your children very small?

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:23

ScentOfAMemory · 18/03/2023 16:23

Why is your husband buying you things? Are your children very small?

Yes 1 and 4.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 16:24

ScentOfAMemory · 18/03/2023 16:23

Why is your husband buying you things? Are your children very small?

Well she says the child is 4 so yes, and she would rather he took the child to choose something, it’s kind of the point of the thread.

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:24

Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 16:24

Well she says the child is 4 so yes, and she would rather he took the child to choose something, it’s kind of the point of the thread.

Show quote history

😂😂😂

OP posts:
Asummersday · 18/03/2023 16:24

Personally wouldnt buy his mum gifts…

Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 16:24

YANBU OP, you should encourage the eldest to make you a nice card anyway and maybe buy yourself a mug.

SeulementUneFois · 18/03/2023 16:25

Asummersday · 18/03/2023 16:24

Personally wouldnt buy his mum gifts…

This OP

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:25

Asummersday · 18/03/2023 16:24

Personally wouldnt buy his mum gifts…

I just can’t bring myself to exclude her when I get my own Mum something. If I didn’t she wouldn’t get anything either.

OP posts:
Caramac555 · 18/03/2023 16:28

Hang in there, soon your 4 year old will go to school and the PTA mothers' day shop will supply at least one mug, key ring, or pair of novelty socks per child per year for their primary school career. It's coming your way.

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:29

Caramac555 · 18/03/2023 16:28

Hang in there, soon your 4 year old will go to school and the PTA mothers' day shop will supply at least one mug, key ring, or pair of novelty socks per child per year for their primary school career. It's coming your way.

Haha brilliant! I love all that stuff. Both kids made a card at nursery. I’d just like a gesture from DH too. As I think I deserve some recognition!

OP posts:
onionringcheeseypuff · 18/03/2023 16:29

Imo Mother's Day, as it is celebrated now, is a chance for children to experience the joy of giving and saying thanks and thinking of another person. They have to be taught this, by their father or another caregiver who should say ok we have a fiver/tenner budget, let's find something nice for mum for Mother's Day. Your mum takes great care of you, what do you think she would like?

Your DH literally needs to be asked to take his children out and let the 4 yr old pick something to wrap up for you. He doesn't seem to know that a Mother's Day gift from your children would make you happy and while children are so small, it's his obligation to help them do this!

tourdefrance · 18/03/2023 16:30

Yanbu. I’d love one of those ‘best mum in the world’ mugs. My kids are 12 and 15. Outright told them last year. My DS1 bought me a generic mug from the supermarket, managed to drop it on the way home and still tried to give it to me in pieces! I told them
how unimpressed I was!
I haven’t bothered to say anything this year other than making sure they know it’s Mother’s Day and am pretty certain I’ll get a bunch of flowers.

UdoU · 18/03/2023 16:30

For his birthday me and my eldest will make him a cake, do breakfast in bed. He just doesn’t think like that.

Why do you bother making the effort when he won't even after he's asked to? You don't need to be the bigger person, he doesn't care.

AIBU to just want a mug? I’ve even spelt it out to him!

YANBU to want a mug but YABU for being a mug.

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 16:31

@onionringcheeseypuff

exactly. Only he knows it would be appreciated by me, but he thinks it’s pointless and so doesn’t see the value. I find it frustrating as that’s not what present giving is about - it’s the receiver who needs to see the value not the giver! That’s the whole point.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 16:35

tourdefrance · 18/03/2023 16:30

Yanbu. I’d love one of those ‘best mum in the world’ mugs. My kids are 12 and 15. Outright told them last year. My DS1 bought me a generic mug from the supermarket, managed to drop it on the way home and still tried to give it to me in pieces! I told them
how unimpressed I was!
I haven’t bothered to say anything this year other than making sure they know it’s Mother’s Day and am pretty certain I’ll get a bunch of flowers.

Flowers would be lovely and you’d be a very lucky mum to receive them. Shame the mug broke but a 15 year old isn’t going to spend that money twice so giving him a hard time for it was a bit crap.

tourdefrance · 18/03/2023 16:51

It was his dads money, not his own. I know accidents happen.

Floralnomad · 18/03/2023 16:55

Stop buying for his mum and start putting in as much effort for his birthday and Father’s Day as he puts in to yours , it may well change nothing but at least you will not be disappointed that he gets so much effort and you get none .

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 17:07

It wouldn't actually be your child choosing the mug,wait a few years until he can read then send your hints.

Original poster
FUSoftPlay · 18/03/2023 17:10

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 17:07

It wouldn't actually be your child choosing the mug,wait a few years until he can read then send your hints.

He would happily pick something out. He will ask to buy chocolate for his Dad etc when we’re at the shop. He really enjoys giving things.

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 18/03/2023 17:15

I'm not sure why people are justifying this or suggesting that the best thing to do is to wait a few years for your 4yo to step up and do what your dh can't be arsed to do for either you or his own mother. Facilitating, or encouraging small children, to be able to participate in saying thank you to their own mother is hardly the last stop in the extravagance of late capitalism, is it? Miserable shit.

Coffeellama · 18/03/2023 17:28

Turnipworkharder · 18/03/2023 17:07

It wouldn't actually be your child choosing the mug,wait a few years until he can read then send your hints.

It would if the dad took the kid into the shop and said choose a present for mummy

MoggyMittens23 · 18/03/2023 17:31

Your DH is a mug. Go and tell
him now that it’s not too late and to take DS to the supermarket immediately where he can choose you a mug, card and chocolates. Tell him in no uncertain terms!!!

BloomForever · 18/03/2023 22:23

Our PTA don't do any mother's day stuff but two out of my three primary school kids made cards.
I get what everyone's saying about the shit mugs, but my favourite actually says "best mum ever" or something similar. It's thin China and quite big, perfect for tea lol.I

Best thing I got was my eldest son who has asd (10), walking in with a rose plant and saying how much he loves me and he actually said thank you for all you do for me. He's a good lad...despite being an amazing artist and not making me a card, because "my new hobby is procrastination, and im.unemployed so...where would I get you anything? "

ValBiro · 18/03/2023 22:27

@BloomForever that sounds like the kind of logic my DS8 with ASD would come out with too! So funny!

BloomForever · 18/03/2023 22:34

@ValBiro you can't help but laugh can you? And never try and argue with their logic either because he runs rings around me lol 😂