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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dogs and joggers

333 replies

TootsAtOwls · 17/03/2023 11:34

I'm prepared to be told IABU on this but interested to know what others think...

I have a rescue dog who is mostly fine, always friendly if he meets people in the house etc. However he does sometimes bark at people he doesn't like the look of when we pass them on the street (tall men, people wearing neon colours etc). I am actively working on this with positive reinforcement (I get the treats out before we pass people so he learns that other people are a good thing) and most days pass without incident.

However, I am having trouble with (male) runners. They come out of nowhere, running around corners and hurtling past at full speed. I often don't have time to get the treat into the dog's mouth or he's already too distracted by the runner to take it. So he barks, and lunges (I know he means it in a playful way, but they don't!) They always seem to look back and give me a dirty look as i call out "Sorry!"

But I can't help thinking, if I was running past a dog, I'd either cross the road to avoid them or if that's impossible (say on a canal path) I would bloody well slow down! I get that they don't want to keep interrupting their run with bouts of walking. Bit am I so unreasonable to think that you don't run right past a dog who's looking intently at you (as opposed to a dog showing no interest)? Surely they must see it's going to get them barked at?

OP posts:
kikedog · 17/03/2023 11:37

Personally I find it intimidating if runners (particularly big men) hurtle up behind me without warning. If they don't give a stuff that they might be seen as intimidating if they pass you too close at speed, I dont really care if they find my dog intimidating.

difficultlemons · 17/03/2023 12:01

It's a tricky one op. People who don't have or understand dogs will be particularly unaware of how their behaviour can affect a situation like yours.

We have a similar situation but with cyclists, not ringing a bell and coming up behind very quickly- startles everyone including the dog.

I'm aware that the place we choose to walk is a place our dog can be blindsided not only by joggers and bikes but also other dogs- and I deal with it by picking quieter times.

Thing is everyone has a right to be there and to use the path so there's not a lot you can do except keep the dog on a lead if it's really a problem

takealettermsjones · 17/03/2023 12:08

am I so unreasonable to think that you don't run right past a dog who's looking intently at you

I think based on this, yeah, YABU. Yes of course runners should slow down at blind corners etc, but in this scenario you're the one who knows your dog likes to lunge at people. So keep it away from people.

(Also barking is one thing, lunging is quite another.)

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 12:09

Oh put in on a lead on paths.

I'm not going to stop for your dog.

leftyvegan · 17/03/2023 12:12

100% YANBU. I have a Serbian rescue dog who acts similarly to yours.
He was ran over by a bike and car, so naturally is scared of sudden movement of wheeled vehicles. He suffered untold abuse at the hands of men, and having one hurtling towards him is scary!
I always think how I’d feel if a giant stranger was coming at me at full pelt. Unfortunately, all the people who hate dogs will be out in full force, sans empathy Hmm

SherbertDabs · 17/03/2023 12:12

I have a reactive dog - he's scared of everything - so I feel your pain. Runners can be really off putting, dog or not, when they appear from nowhere and, when I run, I do my best to avoid inconveniencing anyone as I do when walking my dog. Ignore the dirty looks and stop apologising is my advice and also, check this out www.trickwoofs.com/dogtraining - helps me when it all gets too much!

CaroleSinger · 17/03/2023 12:14

My dog is always on lead on pavements but when someone runs toward us I have to swap sides with him because he thinks they are attacking us and will defend me.

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 12:15

Does nobody train these animals anymore?

We need dog licenses back.

DrWhoNowww · 17/03/2023 12:16

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 12:09

Oh put in on a lead on paths.

I'm not going to stop for your dog.

Where in the OP does it say the dog isn’t on lead?

OP I think you just have to learn to ignore peoples reactions, you know you’re working on the dogs reactivity so it will improve.

DrMeredithGrey2023 · 17/03/2023 12:18

I was walking my dog on a quite path the other day, just trundling along, minding our own business, he was having a good old sniff.

A full grown made came hurtling around the corner on a skateboard, the wheels in the tarmac made hell of a noise and scared my dog, who tried to make a run for it (on lead) but ran right in to the path of the man.

Luckily, the man was able to stop and neither of them were hurt.

I said 'oh sorry, you spooked him'

I got nothing back, no apology for hurtling along the path, no acknowledgment of my apology, just a glare.

I was tempted to call out and suggest he grows up and stops using a skateboard as his mode of transport, but couldn't be arsed.

Original poster
TootsAtOwls · 17/03/2023 12:18

Of course he's on a lead, hence my talking about the street, crossing the road etc

I'm not sure he would even react if he wasn't on a lead tbh, I think it's the feeling trapped and having a stranger run towards him that bothers him

OP posts:
Chickenly · 17/03/2023 12:18

Yeah, gently, YABU. They don’t have to slow down or cross the road because your dog isn’t trained. You’re training your dog and then it won’t be a problem anymore. To be clear, I think that YA only BU to think that they should move for you, not for what you’re actually doing. You’re working on training your dog and will get there.

And men are also allowed to exercise, outside, in broad daylight without being labelled “intimidating” just for existing too. 🙄

WeWereInParis · 17/03/2023 12:21

Chickenly · 17/03/2023 12:18

Yeah, gently, YABU. They don’t have to slow down or cross the road because your dog isn’t trained. You’re training your dog and then it won’t be a problem anymore. To be clear, I think that YA only BU to think that they should move for you, not for what you’re actually doing. You’re working on training your dog and will get there.

And men are also allowed to exercise, outside, in broad daylight without being labelled “intimidating” just for existing too. 🙄

I agree with this.

Original poster
TootsAtOwls · 17/03/2023 12:21

Chickenly · 17/03/2023 12:18

Yeah, gently, YABU. They don’t have to slow down or cross the road because your dog isn’t trained. You’re training your dog and then it won’t be a problem anymore. To be clear, I think that YA only BU to think that they should move for you, not for what you’re actually doing. You’re working on training your dog and will get there.

And men are also allowed to exercise, outside, in broad daylight without being labelled “intimidating” just for existing too. 🙄

I do take your point, everyone has a right to use the pavement.

I just think if I was running I wouldn't DREAM of running right next to a dog and expecting zero reaction!

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 17/03/2023 12:23

Yeah, gently, YABU. They don’t have to slow down or cross the road because your dog isn’t trained. You’re training your dog and then it won’t be a problem anymore. To be clear, I think that YA only BU to think that they should move for you, not for what you’re actually doing. You’re working on training your dog and will get there.
Agree with this.

It's perfectly reasonable to run on the paths without having to cross the road because someone is still training their dog.

CaroleSinger · 17/03/2023 12:23

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 12:15

Does nobody train these animals anymore?

We need dog licenses back.

It's not always about not training them. Dogs live in a pack structure and are hardwired to protect their resources. If they think their pack leader who provides their access to food is about to be attacked by someone running straight at them, they will defend them. When I'm alone late at night I actually gain comfort knowing that my dog would die for me if I was attacked. It's more a matter of being their eyes and ears and seeing the runner before the dog does so you can move the dog aside without incident. Unfortunately some dog owners walk around with their eyes shut and let the dog make all the decisions.

Chickenly · 17/03/2023 12:24

TootsAtOwls · 17/03/2023 12:21

I do take your point, everyone has a right to use the pavement.

I just think if I was running I wouldn't DREAM of running right next to a dog and expecting zero reaction!

Show quote history

There’s a big space between expecting no reaction and expected to be barked and lunged at. A well-behaved dog shouldn’t react at all but many dogs would turn their head or want to follow or stop still. Lunging and barking are not appropriate responses (as you know because you’re trying to stop it).

Chickenly · 17/03/2023 12:26

CaroleSinger · 17/03/2023 12:23

It's not always about not training them. Dogs live in a pack structure and are hardwired to protect their resources. If they think their pack leader who provides their access to food is about to be attacked by someone running straight at them, they will defend them. When I'm alone late at night I actually gain comfort knowing that my dog would die for me if I was attacked. It's more a matter of being their eyes and ears and seeing the runner before the dog does so you can move the dog aside without incident. Unfortunately some dog owners walk around with their eyes shut and let the dog make all the decisions.

Show quote history

This is psychologically (and, frankly, logically) unsound. It’s absolutely a matter of training. You train your dog to know that a runner is not a danger, for one thing.

thisplaceisweird · 17/03/2023 12:26

I actually don't mind when my dog does this. It's really natural for a dog to feel intimidated when someone is running at them, particularly tall men. Barking is a natural instinct.

Same when my dog barks at a creepy looking man - I usually just keep walking and say "good girl".

Ultimately, I care far more about my dog than some random runners feelings for 2 seconds of their day. Not an issue.

Wednesdaysotherchild · 17/03/2023 12:27

thisplaceisweird · 17/03/2023 12:26

I actually don't mind when my dog does this. It's really natural for a dog to feel intimidated when someone is running at them, particularly tall men. Barking is a natural instinct.

Same when my dog barks at a creepy looking man - I usually just keep walking and say "good girl".

Ultimately, I care far more about my dog than some random runners feelings for 2 seconds of their day. Not an issue.

This

SherbertDabs · 17/03/2023 12:28

Dog or not, why would you do something that is more than likely to startle someone/something? Run up behind a woman walking alone at night, an elderly person or a mum holding her toddler's hand on a narrow path - all acceptable right? Or is it just because there's a dog involved no one cares?

thisplaceisweird · 17/03/2023 12:29

If you aren't a dog owner you will never get it. Our dogs are our babies with personalities and feelings, not just an object on a leash.

Quveas · 17/03/2023 12:29

leftyvegan · 17/03/2023 12:12

100% YANBU. I have a Serbian rescue dog who acts similarly to yours.
He was ran over by a bike and car, so naturally is scared of sudden movement of wheeled vehicles. He suffered untold abuse at the hands of men, and having one hurtling towards him is scary!
I always think how I’d feel if a giant stranger was coming at me at full pelt. Unfortunately, all the people who hate dogs will be out in full force, sans empathy Hmm

Sorry, not only a dog owner but also a dog lover - and you are being unreasonable in the extreme, as is the OP. It is your dog, and it is your responsibility to train and/or safeguard the dog, and to ensure it is not being placed in situations which are scary, triggering, or likley to cause the dog to become aggressive. Rescuing a dog, and the dogs issues, does not trump the fact that the dog has to act responsibily around people, no matter what they do (short of attacking the owner, at which point all bets are off) - and it is your responsibility to ensure that is the case.

On an entirely separate issue, and nothing to do with dogs, I do think that male runners etc need to often be more respectful of women's space, because many of them get far too close to women, and that can be scary for women. Just because they are in running gear or whatever doesn't mean they aren't a threat. I spend a lot of time in parks and the like (as a dog owner) and it is interesting to observe that the majority of men do not give space to women but would never encroach so much on the space of other males.

HowardKirksConscience · 17/03/2023 12:29

leftyvegan · 17/03/2023 12:12

100% YANBU. I have a Serbian rescue dog who acts similarly to yours.
He was ran over by a bike and car, so naturally is scared of sudden movement of wheeled vehicles. He suffered untold abuse at the hands of men, and having one hurtling towards him is scary!
I always think how I’d feel if a giant stranger was coming at me at full pelt. Unfortunately, all the people who hate dogs will be out in full force, sans empathy Hmm

I love dogs. I don’t love the way we import very damaged dogs. There are enough here already.

QuertyGirl · 17/03/2023 12:30

TootsAtOwls · 17/03/2023 12:18

Of course he's on a lead, hence my talking about the street, crossing the road etc

I'm not sure he would even react if he wasn't on a lead tbh, I think it's the feeling trapped and having a stranger run towards him that bothers him

So what's the problem?

The dog needs to be trained to deal with runners, cyclists, cars, ambulances etc

You cannot expect people to pussy foot around it.