To want to just f it all…

[Wishfree]

I am depressed, chronically lonely and just tired of it all.

I am a single parent to 1 DC who I had very young. I have no help from their father or from my family and have no friends. I rent in South East and on paper I have done very well. As I said I am chronically lonely and have zero support, I have had waves of depression every year since I was 16 and feel like I am slipping again.

To be honest I am just not sure what the point of my life is, I have really tried so hard to over come the circumstance I put myself in when I naively decided to become a lone young mother but I can never get ahead. I am not good with money at all I am two years into earning good money, but with student loans, cost of being a lone parent and my bad habits I probably have very little in savings and investments.

I have not had the best upbringing and have been abandoned/neglected by both parents, so I don’t have a relationship with them anymore.
Regarding friends, I have fallen out of contact with them for one reason or the other, many close friends I have fallen out with. Due to my upbringing good friendships weren’t encouraged at a young age and then due to my depression I either sabotaged them by isolating myself or as I mentioned fallen out with them. In all honesty I have never felt like anyone would understand me (due to weird upbringing and then being a young mother).

In the past 1 1/2 I have gained so much weight due to just being indoors all the time. I have gained all the weight due to an eating disorder, isolation and not giving a f because who is really going to want to be with me, my family don’t even care so why would a complete stranger.

I have honestly tried ‘my’ best to build friendships but no one cares enough, tried to build a village as I have no family and again no one cares. It would be good to just get advice, guidance, just talk to someone but everyone has their lives, family and friends.

I just want to pack it all in I have had enough.

I’m sorry you feel like this. Your DC loves you, you sound like you have a good career, good income - all positive.

What bad habits do you have regarding money and food? Are you eating to make yourself feel better?

You refer to a neglectful childhood, would counselling help? Would you try it? Could you talk to someone anonymously like the Samaritans?

Someone with more helpful comments will be up soon 💐please don’t despair.

You are a single mum with student loans which means you did a degree with a child? That’s so damn impressive and I don’t know how you did it. You are far more capable than you recognise x

Hi there, OP. We're sure you'll get lots of support and advice here. We also thought we'd link you to our mental health webguide which has lots of useful phone numbers for a bit of extra support, too.

We're sure things will start to improve for you soon. It sounds like a long road but one you are well on the journey on already. Hopefully, Mumsnetters will have some more advice on making connections and making life a little easier on yourself.

If, at any point, you'd like us to move this to Chat or to our Mental Health topic, just let us know. People often do find lots of great advice in AIBU but if you're not in the right place for some 'challenging' opinions, we understand and will happily move the thread over for you.

Really sorry that you’re feeling like this. I would try and joint some local groups with other mums or maybe single parents. You mentioned you’re a young mum, there are groups for young mums. Call your gp and let them know how you’re feeling. Keep reaching out. There is support out there and people that understand.

I ticked yanbu because I hear how you are feeling.

But your children love you and you are valuable in your own right, you are unique and irreplaceable. I hope you feel better in time.

Ring Samaritans if you ever need someone just to vent to, they will hear you and understand.