Page 2 | Mother’s Day and useless siblings

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 16/03/2023 18:38

Sort it this year, because it'll be a bit shit for your mum to be left wondering whats going on.

But after mother's day, have a chat with your mum. Explain what's been going on, that you've been sorting everything for years. Let her know that from now on, you're only giving her stuff from you.

If she's got anything about her, she'll be straight onto your siblings giving them a bollocking.

StopFeckingFaffing · 16/03/2023 18:44

What your siblings do or don't do to acknowledge Mother's Day is really not your concern

I have no clue what my brother does for Mother's Day

I send a card and gift and will ring my DM. Some years we meet up but I'm busy this Sunday.

Tinkerbyebye · 16/03/2023 19:06

Just drop them a text reminding them it’s Mother’s Day, thatyou haven’t had time to sort anything for them so from now on your leaving MD, Christmas and birthdays to each sort themselves

RandomMess · 16/03/2023 19:10

A message reminding them and telling them that DM will be hurt if she doesn't hear from them and the same goes for her birthday and Christmas so they need to sort it out for themselves from now on.

FourFour · 16/03/2023 19:41

What are you organising? It isn't a grand event. It's between a mother and her child, so do your bit and let the rest do theirs.

Dishwashersaurous · 16/03/2023 19:45

You are not responsible for your mother's happiness.

You are not responsible for your mother's relationship with her other children.

Just stop taking responsibility when you aren't

DirtyDuchess · 16/03/2023 19:48

Drop a text to siblings saying Hi, I've got mum....(add in what you've bought/organised) this year, just letting you all know so that we don't duplicate!

TossieFleacake · 16/03/2023 19:56

You are enabling them.
They have not made an effort because they either think you will, or don't care enough.

You just do you, and leave your siblings to sort themselves out. I wouldn't even get in touch before Sunday or tell them you're not sorting everything.
Just get on with celebrating with your mum and leave her relationship with your siblings for them to sort out.

It's times like this I'm grateful to be an only.

latetothefisting · 16/03/2023 20:23

I think you've left it a bit late for this year - even if you tell them this evening they'd struggle to get a card and post it tomorrow and even first class it might not get there by Sunday. Absolutely tell them you're not organising anything from now on though.

Strongly disagree with the poster who said its because they don't have kids though- it's a huge generalisation and quite offensive to say you don't appreciate your own parents until you have your own kids. I find in many families it's the opposite - the children without their own kids do more to help their aging parents because they are assumed to have the extra time - whereas the children with kids get all the benefits (like free childcare!)

Mummybearto3bg · 16/03/2023 20:44

I'm nc with my family now but last year on mothers day I decided not to do exactly that, it actually completely back fired and all of my siblings blamed me for ruining mothers day 😅 so on her birthday, I took her presents a day early and went away with my little family. Again I ruined her birthday apparently. No thanks to all the years I had done everything, just a load of abuse when I no longer decided it was for me to do.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 16/03/2023 21:04

Just do what you want to do for your mum. Card/meal out or present. Make sure it's clearly just from you and leave your siblings to what they want to do.

luckylavender · 16/03/2023 21:28

Cheltenbacon · 16/03/2023 17:02

Four of us, two live abroad, two in the UK and an equal distance from DM. DF is no longer with us. Mother’s Day, DM’s birthday, Christmas, Easter etc always, always, always fall to me. Everyone likes DM, gets on with DM, appreciates DM but they’re disorganised and apathetic and just don’t try. Sometimes I host, sometimes DM hosts but it’s the planning and the food, the gifts, the flowers, cakes or wine or cards or whatever - I always do it. I always organise a call with all of us, I always sign cards and gifts from us all…

This year, I thought, fuck it. I’m working 60 hours a week, I have two DCs of my own - one sibling has a DC but doesn’t work and two others have no DCs so why is Mother’s Day always up to me to organise (meaning I don’t really get to the Mum on Mother’s Day). It’s obviously on Sunday and no one has even mentioned it. Part of me thinks I’ll leave it - I’ll give DM what I’ve done, signed from me and let the chips fall. But, in truth, the chips will fall with DM not knowing what she’s done wrong to not even get a message on Mother’s Day from 3/4 of her children - which she doesn’t deserve. I’ve tried chivvying everyone else along for years and no one does.

Any thoughts?

The two who live abroad may not know it's Mother's Day. It doesn't fall on the same Sunday in every country.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 16/03/2023 21:36

My dbro trotted out the "Its Mother's Day on a different day in the States" line for decades. Funnily enough he didn't do card/flowers on the USA one either.

Briallen · 16/03/2023 21:40

I would just message them and say:

’haven’t heard from you re Mother’s Day so presume you’ve sorted your gift for DM. I’m snowed under with work and kids so will be doing my own gift to DM from now on for birthdays/Xmas etc. Although am happy to contribute if anyone else wants to take over organising a group gift. Looking forward to seeing you soon x ‘

Codlingmoths · 16/03/2023 21:40

Message them now. Hey guys Mother’s Day on Sunday. Fyi I haven’t organised anything for everyone, am run off my feet between work and the kids. X

just leave it.

Rogue1001MNer · 16/03/2023 21:41

Sweetheart, you dm might be hurt, but she'll get over it.

You do need to change the script

Briallen · 16/03/2023 21:42

Oh also op, DM might be hurt but it’ll be by them not you. You can’t protect her from your useless siblings forever. You’re being a brilliant daughter- that’s all you need to be. How they behave and make your dm feel is on them

Pinotpleasure · 16/03/2023 22:13

@Cheltenbacon - you stated that two of your siblings live overseas. Just a “heads up” that they be unaware that it’s Mother’s Day in the UK this Sunday.

Most countries worldwide celebrate it in May. When I lived overseas I never could get a Mother’s Day card for my mum as they weren’t yet being sold in the stores. I usually had to buy a generic card (blank inside) except for when Moonpig became a feasible option.

berrycakeandcustard · 16/03/2023 22:25

Let your siblings know that you're arranging your own gift to your DM and that they'll have to sort out their own gifts and cards from now on. As adults they should be able to/care enough to do this themselves, you shouldn't be sorting this out for them.

Hbh17 · 16/03/2023 22:34

Just stop. You do whatever you want to do for your mother yourself and leave your siblings to it. Maybe they don't think it's important, but it's their choice. To be honest, I have never heard of an adult doing anything like this for other adult siblings - each person does as much or as little as they choose because it isn't a group thing and other adults are NOT your responsibility.

Mateyduck · 16/03/2023 22:40

At some point you have to stop carrying the can for others. Give your mum the gifts you got and wish her a good day. End of.
they will have to sort out their own stuff from now on - don’t crack! You are not helping anyone you are enabling their laziness

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/03/2023 22:46

StopFeckingFaffing · 16/03/2023 18:44

What your siblings do or don't do to acknowledge Mother's Day is really not your concern

I have no clue what my brother does for Mother's Day

I send a card and gift and will ring my DM. Some years we meet up but I'm busy this Sunday.

Exactly. I don’t know what my siblings do for Mothers Day either. Not my concern. They don’t know what I do either. We are all adults. Just stop trying to create a false scenario of togetherness and everyone take responsibility for doing their own thing for a change.

Sealover123 · 16/03/2023 22:51

My DH is the same, see my recent thread. He's the youngest of 3 but is the one always stepping up and picking up the pieces. Don't cover for them anymore. You are responsible for yourself; nurture your own relationship with your DM and let them be responsible for themselves. Sounds harsh but it's fair. What's not fair is your siblings expecting you to do all the graft.

MyMumsOnMN · 16/03/2023 22:52

If you're the one signing the cards and turning up with the presents every time, she probably realises what they're actually like already.

This isn't down to you. You sort your presents etc and leave their bit to them. If they get nothing, they look like the idiots.

They are taking the piss because they know they can.

moveoverye · 16/03/2023 22:57

I bet your mum already knows it’s you doing it all.
I also bet she’ll approve of you giving the others a kick up the arse.
Just give her your gift, spend the day with her, if she is upset about the others, send them a text and tell them to ring her. Then they can do their own explaining on the phone.