to just give up trying to lose weight?

[Mummypig32]

to give up trying to lose weight?

I'm 5ft 4, 13 stone 3, and a size 14-16/18 on bottom. I'm 35.

I have spent my entire life trying to be slimmer. I'd say weight loss and dieting has been my main focus most of my life. Despite this I've spent very little of my life at a slimmer size...its always fairly brief and despite occasionally getting down to a size 10-12 I've never, as an adult, been in the healthy bmi range, ever.

I am just SO SICK of this shit. I've tried everything...literally everything. I feel like I'm wasting my life away on something that might never even happen for me. I think because now I'm in my 30s and I no longer feel like either have my whole life ahead of me, I've started feeling like I'm just wasting time and I would be better off enjoying my life.

But. Am I happy? No. I'm not happy at this size, but maybe I should be? Maybe I should focus on not gaining any more, and just focus on trying to look nice in the size I am?

I never buy clothes or do anything with my appearance because I'm always thinking "theres no point because I'm going to lose weight soon and then when I'm a size 10 I'll buy myself a whole new wardrobe and have a glow up and be amazing". We'll it never happens so I just go about looking like a slob!

I dunno. I just feel like my youth is nearly over, I've spent most of it either dieting or binging, hating my appearance hating how I look in clothes, wanting to be different and look a different way and where has it got me??? No where. I've just wasted time. I don't look any different. I'm just sad.

Then again. Maybe if I give up I'll get heart disease and die early, which I also don't want. There is that 🤔

AIBU to just accept I'll always be a bit fat, and live with it?

My advice would be to stop trying to lose weight and start trying to enjoy life as you are now and incorporate diet and exercise elements that work for you. E.g. choose an exercise activity you are really going to enjoy and make it a non negotiable part of your weekly routine. Do it because you enjoy it not because you want to lose weight. Once that habit is established, you could add another activity, same or different to the one you are already doing. Work up to 3 or 4 times a week and focus on your enjoyment not the weight loss. Dress for the body you have now and treat yourself a little. Review what you eat and consider what is working for you and what isn't. I often snack on sweet things when feeling emotional, so have started to try to buy snacks that will satisfy my sweet tooth but are healthier, e.g. dried mango or dates rather than sweets or chocolate. I really enjoy these healthier snacks so it's not a punishment, it's an adjustment as too much sugar often makes me feel more emotional rather than resolving the issue Are there alternative ways of dealing with emotions to food (if this is an issue for you). Be mindful when you eat so you notice what flavours and food you really like and enjoy and what foods you are just going through the emotions with because it's there rather than because you really want it (for me of DH boys something sweet I'll eat it even if I don't particularly like that thing). You might find some kind of meditation or mindfulness routine helpful . Review food purchases to make sure that you are buying only things you really enjoy eating and try to switch to things that will nourish your body so more fruit and veg,.focus on the ones you really like to eat. Just some suggestions from my perspective, I try to see it as nourishing my body rather than weight or diet related. That mindset of how you can nourish yourself and your body will hopefully mean you can emphasise your own wellbeing and move away from negative diet culture.

Hi OP.

I have been in a similar position to you and I have lost weight. My tip is to make tiny changes and lose it at a ridiculously slow rate. I've gone from about 14.5 stone to 13 stone in 2 years. I want to lose more but it's progress.

I did the smallest things. For example, I used to have a square of chocolate every evening and I stopped, I don't miss it but it's 60 calories a day which is 1,600 calories a month (almost an extra day's food for a woman!).

I used to get the bus to my hobby twice a week and now I walk (20 mins each way).

I used to eat cereal for breakfast, now I have cereal 3 times a week but the rest of the week I have a filling savoury breakfast (e.g. avocado on toast) so I am not hungry until lunch, and I end up snacking less.

If you want to give up then you can give up, but I would say, the secret to weight loss is NOT giving up, even if you are making the tiniest changes that you barely notice, they will have a cumulative effect! Good luck.

Also posting in solidarity. 5ft 1.5 and 11.5 st. Have underactive thyroid. Lost 2st on Weightwatchers ten years ago but put it all back and then some. I have a gym membership but find it so hard to get into a routine of going.

Well, it depends what enjoying your life looks like I suppose. Personally I think eating what you want, when you want would be nice, but its hardly the be all and end all of a full life, is it?
Three meals a day, is what, 2.5 hours tops of your waking hours. Is what you consume in that time really so important to you that you're sacricing the other things you've mentioned that effect your happiness?
If not, then I'd recommend you turn your focus to food as fuel. What does your body need for you to be healthy and well nourished. What type of food and in what quantities? Try eating these things and these things only, and reframe 'enjoying life' to mean non food related things.

Having never been smaller than a size 12 since age 14 - average size 16 but would fluctuate up to an 18 then “diet” to a 14 on a cycle but was pushing a 20 at my biggest & nothing worked even a diet plan from
hospital dieticians as i just didn’t have the willpower or drive to do it you have to REALLY want to do it! I wasn’t happy with my size but it generally didn’t affect my life so didn’t think i’d be happier slimmer then at 26 my daughter was a year old & i couldn’t fit on a tea cup ride with her. I had to sit sideways with the bar digging in & i was mortified. I’d played the “baby weight” and “no time” card too many times & when i weighed myself i was over 15 stone (same height as you) & knew that enough was enough i wanted to be able to take her on rides, run about with her, not be the fat mum at school & so i dropped to 1200cals (95% of the time i had days off on Christmas / holiday etc but was still sensible) its a whole life style change but i didnt exercise until i’d lost about 3 stone. I am now 9 stone give or take a few 1lbs and a size 8. It took me about 15 months to do but i’m 38 now & I’ve maintained it since even after a twin pregnancy. I’ve did many rides with my children over the years from the kids ones to big rollercoasters, we’ve did tbings like go ape i would never have did when bigger and have taken them down flumes and slides and all things i couldn’t have did bigger. I have also shown my kids a healthier food relationship than i grew up with & we’re quite active. My granparents were big, my mum
was over weight & my aunt still is so it’s all i had known & always thought i would be big and when i started i remember saying i would be happy at a comfortable 12 as a 10 wasn’t realistic….you just have to want to do it and i mean want it enough to accept it’ll be hard and i never did until i had my daughter.

my aunt who dieted on / off when she was younger has been a size 18 for the past 20 years. She openly says it’s because she likes food as she goes out for lunch / dinner 2 or 3 times a week, she eats bars of chocolate daily & likes a few glasses of wine. She also hates exercise. She’s happy, she dresses well & is comfortable in herself and so is happy to live the rest of her days that size so i do think you can have an acceptance and just get on with living but for me i was never happy when i was fat. You CAN do it if you want to

All of this!

Care about yourself as you are now, buy clothes that make you feel good (you can always sell them on Vinted later!) and the rest will come.

My friend also lost 4 stone doing slimming world and kept it off. Still ate delicious food and the new recipes have stuck.

I feel you!! I’m 5ft7 and 84kg, though muscular. There is no way I can fit in any more exercise (cycle at least 100miles a week now, more in summer, and am doing couch to 5k) but I have issues with food textures and that rules out so many of the ‘healthy options’ that are always touted as quick and easy. I don’t do egg, I don’t do avocado, I don’t do mushrooms, don’t do bananas, basically mush/slime foods are all out, and although I like much veg, it has to be cooked and hot, so lunches are always sandwiches or soup and a roll as things like hummus or bean/grain salads are also too odd so trying to navigate a hectic life and eat healthily was just swapping my joy. I don’t really want recipe options anymore, I’ve just accepted that I won’t really get much skinnier but I’m happy that I’m doing enough exercise to be as fit as I can with the other challenges I have and just sucking it up.

My BMI is 28 and has been since I had my 2nd child in my early 30s. Before that I was a healthy weight. I've tried to lose weight to get back to a healthy BMI but it just means being hungry all day and usually losing next to nothing. Since my weight has been stable for about a decade I just accept it.

Have you heard of Bodyslims - it's a ten week programme where you do not cheat, deviate from the rules. It's basically counting calories, watching an online seminar once a week - and power walking for an hour every day.
There's another ten week programme starting at the end of April.

I'm similar size and approaching 40- I'm telling myself instead of wishing myself thinner for my 40th, I want to have established some healthy long term habits - longer dog walks, good nights sleep, drinking more water, less alcohol, self care, preferably knowing how to use weights (not there with this!) and sticking to it. Therefore I'll hopefully loose weight but focus being on healthier instead.

www.bodyslims.com/

It's excellent and worth a try xx

You will! I did this at 50. Didnt focus on weight loss at all. Just decided it was really time I started treating this vintage body of mine as I would any other precious antique. Stop mistreating it and give it only the best. The most nutritious foods, the excercise I needed to stay supple and healthy, good skin care, lots of rest. I lost 2 stone and look and feel better than I did at 30.

I’m 51 this year, menopausal and was suffering from crippling pain from osteoarthritis. I decided enough was enough. I’ve lost 3 stone so far this year, no longer need daily pain medication and have been discharged from osteo surgeon.

you can lose weight but it will not happen unless you really want it. There’s also nothing wrong with deciding you don’t want to right now, treat yourself to new clothes, live for today not for the size 10. You’ll be amazed how a few new bits of clothing will make you feel. Love how you want to.

How have you been trying to lose weight? I was struggling until I returned to slimming world and started walking 10000 steps a day (have a desk job). I've lost 12.5 pounds in 7 weeks

It's East to get weight off its keeping it off that's the hard thing.

Another who hears you albeit 10 years older.

I have twice lost 2 big amounts of weight. Weight watchers and calorie counting. Second time I kept it off for over 5 years but lockdown hit and the stress and change of lifestyle (crazy work at burnout levels, desk job but going into the office got me 10k steps easily, wfh I'm lucky to get 1000) really did for me.

I am not far off 50 now and the thought of watching what I eat for the rest of my life is so depressing. I am trying to focus on self care, health and movement. It's still really really hard but it's a more positive mindset I guess

I’m late 50’s and felt exactly as you do. I’ve never really tried to lose weight but I just got bigger and bigger during lockdown and afterwards. I’m only 5 foot but was almost 11 stone and a size 14 but squeezing into a large 12.
I finally had enough last summer and engaged a PT from a recommendation and 7 months on, I’ve dropped two and a half stone, can easily get into a size 10, or a size 8 from certain shops, I’ve overhauled my diet completely by using MFP but I still go out, eat out and enjoy my food. I also workout 3 times a week and walk for an hour every day.
It was the best thing I could’ve done for both my physical and mental health, it took a lot of courage to take the plunge but honestly, I’m so glad I did.

Diets don't work.

I lost (and kept off) 7 stone, and dieting only made me gain weight!

What worked for me - making healthy meals from scratch that I loved. Curries, stews, pizza, all homemade with loads of veg, quality protein and healthy fats.

I eat eggs for breakfast and cous cous salads with veg and hummus for lunch, then a homemade dinner. I rarely snack but if I do, I have nuts or an apple.

Fruit is a treat, like strawberries and blueberries with Greek yoghurt if I have a sweet tooth.

I discovered I love exercise once I lost weight and I do loads now, so I eat what I fancy, 90% healthy still but plenty of goodies like cake and crisps, (smaller portions than when I was obese though, I mindful) and I do enjoy takeaways and restaurants. I am just mindful, it's a whole lifestyle change.

It wasn't easy, or half as simple as this post seems, but there IS a way, you just need to find your way. You can do it!

Thanks everyone. I'll be honest I'm really surprised by the responses. I thought I'd have 100 people telling me I'm being lazy and to not give up.
I still can't convince myself to give up although I want to. I want to just get on and enjoy my life but the idea that my weight is a personal moral failing that must be fixed is very deeply ingrained. Also although I do want to stop dieting I also am very terrified of getting bigger!! I'm worried if I take my eye off the ball I'll balloon to a massive size. My head is broken 😐

I wouldn’t give up. Are you on the right calories? Check TDEE for calorie allowance and up your steps. Change things so every phone call headphones in and walk around. I lost 24lbs in lockdown from doing that. If I wasn’t losing I reduced calories. Not easy but the rewards kept me going and I felt so much better in myself and much healthier

What does ‘giving up’ mean?

You still have to eat, aka having a diet

it sounds like you expect quick fix diets to work?

IMO your diet should be good whole foods, no processed food (I do mean none! Anything in the supermarket with more than 5 ingredients is processed food) Lots of good protein from animal products

You don’t need to ‘do a diet’ you just need to have a healthy diet,

Not sure how you came to that conclusion? I did say I've spent my whole life trying to control my weight . I'm not expecting a quick fix at all. What you've described, although admirable, isn't very realistic for most people and I think is actually quite disordered eating if I'm honest. Last thing I need is more arbitrary rules to follow 🙄

I average between 12-15k steps a day. But I find calorie counting leads to me making poor choices, getting very stressed over numbers and being very obsessive over food. Because I'm thinking about it constantly (thinking what I can have for x amount, will I have enough for tea etc) I end up hungry and binging. Didn't work for me and I've tried multiple times

the idea that my weight is a personal moral failing that must be fixed is very deeply ingrained

And that's what you need to fix.

What you've described, although admirable, isn't very realistic for most people and I think is actually quite disordered eating if I'm honest. Last thing I need is more arbitrary rules to follow

I don't think it is disordered to eat actual real food, but each to their own!